Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

There’s literally no law that says you can’t put your friends down as your references and pretend they were your boss at an old job. Literally, there’s no law that says that.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

It’s the perfect time of year to focus on my indoor hobbies, like lying down in a dark room and feeling insane.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I do not read.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Do you think the washing machine and the dryer are actual friends or just work friends?

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Having a job ruined my life.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Had salad for the third night in a row and now I get why you’re so angry, vegans.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

I appreciate the interest, but I’m officially removing myself from the running to be the next James Bond. Thank you for your understanding.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

Alcohol and eye contact is a deadly combo.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

The lion doesn’t concern itself with the contents of your prior email.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,375

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Discord:

My superpower is holding onto stuff for years and throwing it away exactly one week before I need it.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Check yourself before you Shrek yourself.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I kind of can’t wait for my generation to be bumping 90’s hip hop, rap, and heavy metal at the old folks’ homes.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I didn’t believe in karma until I was scheduled to work at 6am on a holiday.

Just landed via X:

If you think my posts are horrid, wait until you see the live stream of my colonoscopy.

Spotted on Facebook:

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

Trending via Messenger:

We need a better word for horny that sounds elegant and gorgeous.

Just shared via Discord:

I trust an insult more than I do a compliment.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Maybe your dog is barking at my luggage because he doesn’t enjoy his job, officer.

Spotted on Instagram:

If life was a video game, right now would be the time where I randomly press buttons because I don’t know what to do.

Never trust a man that’s good at flirting. He’s had too much practice.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
If he's a pro at winking, he might just be auditioning for Olympic-level winkathons! 😉😂

charm, dating, flirting, good, humor, man, much, never, practice, too, trust

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Having Christmas off in the middle of the work week and then forcing us to go back to work the next day feels so illegal.

0

2 months ago

back, back to work, Christmas, day, frustration, holiday, humor, illegal, off, time, time off, week, work, work week
Googling “effect vs affect” in an incognito window.

0

2 months ago

affect, confusion, effect, Googling, grammar, humor, incognito, internet, search, vs, window
My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.

0

2 months ago

broken, escape, escape key, frustration, humor, i, keep, key, keyboard, office, still, work
Social media is a great way to make new enemies.

0

2 months ago

communication, conflict, enemy, great, humor, internet, media, new, relationship, sarcasm, social, social media
I’m going to need to rewatch Idiocracy to see what happens next.

0

2 months ago

entertainment, future, going, humor, Idiocracy, movie, need, next, prediction, rewatch, satire
Just told my kids it’s illegal to have the light on while we’re driving. I will not break this cycle.

0

2 months ago

break, cycle, driving, humor, i, illegal, joke, just, kids, light, parenting, told

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on Reddit this month:

I don’t normally like to brag about expensive trips but I just got back from the grocery store.

65 shares on Twitch this month:

The best thing capitalism has done is put a little window on pasta boxes so the noodles can look out at the world.

55 shares on Telegram this month:

Spent the day decorating the house for Christmas and my wife spent the day re-decorating the house for Christmas.

35 shares on Instagram this month:

I recently discovered “movies.” They’re usually like an hour and a half long, and a pretty good way to kill time. Check it out.

33 shares on Facebook this month:

Hello, my voicemail is currently unavailable. To leave a message please speak slowly and clearly into the nearest toaster.

41 shares on Messenger this month:

By the time I meet the right person, I’ll probably be the wrong person.

32 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m 27 and a half. I should be on my first divorce by now.

45 shares on TikTok this month:

Are you bad wifi, cause im feeling no connection here.

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Time is precious, waste it wisely.

18 shares on Threads this month:

Spewing nonsense online is the most fun a depressed person is allowed to have in these twisted times.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Perfume is key, but deodorant is keyer and showering is keyest.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

If they don’t look at you like you’re magic, disappear like Houdini.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

If your problem can’t be fixed by coffee, tequila or sex then I’m out of advice.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

I only buy cookware with the handles that somehow get hotter than the pot itself.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

When you drink red wine from a cup, it looks like fruit tea and you are also admired by others for your healthy lifestyle.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

I’ve been commissioned to kiss you on the lips. I need to get this done by tonight.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Sorry, but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. Walking faster than me? Also my enemy. Now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm, yeah, I’m thinking enemy.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

I’m obsessed with adding a second completely unnecessary tweet to all my tweets, like, oh, you thought I was done.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

How does one stop eating ice cream when there’s still some in the container?

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

My guardian angel is probably preoccupied with sports betting apps and generative AI, that’s why she’s letting all these bad things happen to me.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

I think I’m emotionally constipated because I haven’t given a shit in months.

Making waves on Snapchat:

The marriage rate has been trending downward. Choreographed wedding dances may be the reason.

Just landed via Facebook:

Only bots from Nigeria are allowed to call me dear.

Spotted on Discord:

Canceled a date for a date with another guy, and that guy canceled. It’s what I deserve.

Seen just now on Twitch:

“I’m not dramatic. I just react with the intensity of a Shakespearean widow at all times.”

Freshly posted on TikTok:

They should invent friends whose schedules line up with yours.

Breaking via Threads:

You know those couples who share their food? I mean, what kind of people are they? Aren’t they hungry?

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a second.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I’m so old, I used to cry as a child because I fell off my skateboard or bike, not because I didn’t have wifi.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Talents: eating!

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Never trust a man that’s good at flirting. He’s had too much practice.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Having Christmas off in the middle of the work week and then forcing us to go back to work the next day feels so illegal.

Googling “effect vs affect” in an incognito window.

My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.

Social media is a great way to make new enemies.

I’m going to need to rewatch Idiocracy to see what happens next.

Just told my kids it’s illegal to have the light on while we’re driving. I will not break this cycle.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨