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I prayed and accidentally mixed up God and Lord and said Gord. So embarrassing.

1 month ago
accidentally, embarrassing, God, Gord, humor, i, lord, mix-up, mixed, prayed, religion
Sick and tired of these 30 mins weekends.

1 month ago
30, frustration, humor, short, sick, time, tired, weekend
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but I think people who say ‘I don’t know who needs to hear this’ know exactly who needed to hear it.

1 month ago
communication, exactly, hear, hearing, humor, i, irony, know, message, needs, people, phrase, say, think
I used to judge cat owners for giving in to their pets’ whims too easily, but holy shit, these animals are relentless and would starve themselves to organ failure just because one time, weeks ago, they had a taste of some ‘better’ food.

4 months ago
ago, animal, animals, better, cat, cat owner, easily, failure, food, giving, holy, humor, i, judge, just, organ, organ failure, owner, pet, pets, shit, starve, stubborn, taste, time, too, used, weeks, whim
I think it’s time when we buy new clothes that we have the option to buy the body they’re being modelled in too.

1 month ago
being, body, buy, clothes, fashion, humor, i, model, new, option, shopping, think, time, too
I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.

1 month ago
benefit, comeback, dance, dance move, enjoy, enjoyment, glass, glasses, health, health benefit, humor, i, move, moves, night, night routine, routine, wine, witty, witty comeback

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Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

I accidentally take a screenshot of my phone background at least once a week.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

What I’m trying to say is, “Hello, here’s my entire heart and all of my devotion.”

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

How coked up was the guy that came up with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

If you look close enough, everyone is insane.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

I miss the way I viewed the world before I found out too much about it.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

When the past calls, don’t answer it. It has nothing new to tell you.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

I’m always sad when my sandwich is over.

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Making waves on YouTube:

The sexual tension between me and disappearing without an explanation.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Seven wives and no alcohol? No thanks, Mormons.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I’m sorry I roasted you, I was trying to flirt.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I’m perverted, but in an elegant and whimsical way.

Just shared via TikTok:

There aren’t enough rap songs about cutting coupons.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Everyone’s a gangster until their doorbell rings.

Just shared via Slack:

Maybe Monday is more scared of us than we are of it… we don’t know.

Wordgag ツ

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No one knows what I’m up to, not even me.

I prayed and accidentally mixed up God and Lord and said Gord. So embarrassing.

Sick and tired of these 30 mins weekends.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but I think people who say ‘I don’t know who needs to hear this’ know exactly who needed to hear it.

I used to judge cat owners for giving in to their pets’ whims too easily, but holy shit, these animals are relentless and would starve themselves to organ failure just because one time, weeks ago, they had a taste of some ‘better’ food.

I think it’s time when we buy new clothes that we have the option to buy the body they’re being modelled in too.

I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Girls only want one thing, and it’s to be photographed candidly on 35mm film.

One thing that sucks about being grown-up is not being able to say, “My mom said no,” when you don’t want someone to come over.

A poorly timed two-factor authentication request will be the thing that finally kills me.

Tornados are just a bunch of ghosts fighting over a cow.

Naps are tricky. Either you wake up relaxed and refreshed, or you have a headache, a dry throat and no idea what year it is.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Breakfast in bed: cute in theory, gross in practice.

Mid-life crisis? No, no, mid-day crisis. Something happens every day.

Just pulled a Werther’s Original out of my pocket, like I’m 87 years old.

Nothing worse than realising you vented to the wrong person.

Channeling my inner forest ghost: hauntingly fabulous and slightly lost.

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I swear people go to Starbucks and just say random words. “Lemme get a grande iced mocha no foam quad soy hexagon vortex hypothesis with steamed ice”.

When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don’t answer because I’m eating.

I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.

They charge you for the groceries and then they charge you for the toilet paper when you turn the groceries into poop. Open your eyes!

The place where you pour in the gas is the car’s gasshole.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I tell people I rearrange my furniture to change things up, but we all know it’s to annoy my husband.

I have a very particular set of useless skills.

Tomorrow isn’t promised, we need to kiss today.

Handing the bus driver a $50 bill and telling him “Just drive”.

Mambo No. 5, but it’s in a minor key, and I’m naming women who didn’t text me back.

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No one knows what I’m up to, not even me.

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I prayed and accidentally mixed up God and Lord and said Gord. So embarrassing.

Sick and tired of these 30 mins weekends.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but I think people who say ‘I don’t know who needs to hear this’ know exactly who needed to hear it.

I used to judge cat owners for giving in to their pets’ whims too easily, but holy shit, these animals are relentless and would starve themselves to organ failure just because one time, weeks ago, they had a taste of some ‘better’ food.

I think it’s time when we buy new clothes that we have the option to buy the body they’re being modelled in too.

I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

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