Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Getting out of bed should count as resistance training.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Meetings are a wonderful way to help your employees take a break from being productive.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

You have hopes and dreams. I have nopes and screams.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Welcome to your 40s. Your ability to be sneaky will now be hindered by your bones cracking when you walk.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

Blocking him isn’t enough. I need to watch his hairline recede.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

Welcome to your 40s. “I’m too old for this shit” is now your excuse and explanation for everything.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Nightmares are so embarrassing. Why is my anxiety working the night shift?

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Don’t tell me what to do unless you are naked.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

I get tired from just thinking of everything I have to do.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,633

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

The funniest thing about Batman is that he legitimately doesn’t give a shit about crime that happens during the day.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I like listening to podcasts because it’s basically getting to enjoy a conversation without having to participate in it.

Just landed via Slack:

I could win awards for having a bad memory. In fact, I probably did. How would I know.

Broadcasted on Threads:

But he was so nice on the prison phone calls.

Going viral on YouTube:

I don’t call them exes, I call them whys.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Jokes on you, unknown number. I barely answer my phone for people I know.

Spotted on Threads:

I just love the lack of privacy in the pharmacy line. Just standing there shouting out my name, date of birth, and exactly what is wrong with me for the world to hear.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

We can’t all be underemployed creatives. Someone in the group chat needs to know what an insurance is.

Making waves on Reddit:

I’m cosplaying as a functional adult again.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Airlines be like: “Oh, wow. Oh, God. We didn’t think everyone would bring a bag!”

Old age is like a glorious, extended long weekend, but you always know Monday’s coming.

3 months ago

Funny Quotes

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Time to trade in my work shoes for orthopedic ones, but watch out—Monday still sneaks up like a ninja! 😂👟➡️🩼

age, aging, aging humor, always, coming, extended, humor, humor about aging, know, life, life perspective, Monday, old, old age, perspective, retirement, weekend

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on Instagram this month:

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up; we had to manually roll up our cars’ windows.

68 shares on Facebook this month:

Y’all pronounce it data or data?

64 shares on Messenger this month:

By my second “could we change the subject?” I could feel the job interview going south.

53 shares on X this month:

Having Twitter is just like reading the newspaper, except the newspaper is on fire and all the writers hate you.

74 shares on Slack this month:

Tuesday is no better than Monday.

24 shares on Discord this month:

Jehovah’s Witnesses tell the worst knock knock jokes.

66 shares on Slack this month:

The worst thing is finding out the “sweet guy” is just a lustful loser.

44 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m tired of things costing money.

10 shares on Pinterest this month:

October is the situationship of months. So briefly beautiful, but you know the horrors are imminent.

13 shares on Facebook this month:

I will charge a 25% tariff on my steely gaze.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

Humble enough to know I can be replaced, but wise enough to know ain’t nobody else like me.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

First responders? You mean reply guys?

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

I’m clumsy but there are upsides. For example, if I finish my chips and I’m sad there’s no more chips, I look in my lap and I always find chips.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

I want the dreams to chase me for once.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Every day I ask ChatGPT if it knows where my keys are and if it ever knows the answer, I’m suing everybody.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

There’s someone in our team who behaves horribly to me and whenever I have to type his name, I’ve taken to using a slightly smaller font size than for everyone else’s.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Whoever salts the fries at McDonald’s needs to come do the roads.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

I’m proud of myself because, despite having so many expenses, I still manage to add more.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

Old age is always 15 years older than I am.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

Sometimes I think I’m too old to make a career change. But then I remember how Walter White went from high school teacher to drug kingpin. Anything is possible!

Just shared via Facebook:

I can relate to the stock market because I am always about to crash at a moment’s notice.

Just shared via Messenger:

I’m not athletic, but I’m good at jumping to conclusions.

Making waves on Slack:

It’s so funny when someone writes a song to try to get someone to have sex with them. That’s what a bird would do!

Trending via Discord:

How old is older? Because I’m still waiting for this wise thing to kick in.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Accidentally said I was on a diet instead of in a calorie deficit, and now everyone knows I’m from the 1900s.

Shared recently on X:

Might mess around and reply, “That sounds like a you problem,” to every work email today.

Seen just now on X:

Whoever’s been in charge of the weather for the last few weeks seems to have fallen asleep on the couch with the remote control in their hand.

Going viral on Slack:

Adulthood is wild. One day I’m transferring money to my savings account, and three days later, I’m transferring it out to save myself.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Why’s it always “NYC smells like pee” and never “my pee smells like the greatest city in the world”?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Old age is like a glorious, extended long weekend, but you always know Monday’s coming.

I often wonder how men could discover entire continents. Mine can’t even find the butter in the fridge.

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

You ever tried driving the speed limit and thought, “They can’t be serious.”

I don’t get vegetables on my pizza because I don’t like mixing business with pleasure.

Increasing the amount of high fives I give my boss each day until he quits his job.

Before you have kids, ask yourself: how patient am I with really stupid people?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Old age is like a glorious, extended long weekend, but you always know Monday’s coming.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I often wonder how men could discover entire continents. Mine can’t even find the butter in the fridge.

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

You ever tried driving the speed limit and thought, “They can’t be serious.”

I don’t get vegetables on my pizza because I don’t like mixing business with pleasure.

Increasing the amount of high fives I give my boss each day until he quits his job.

Before you have kids, ask yourself: how patient am I with really stupid people?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨