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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

The wind is about to blow me to Oz, so if you see me flying past your window, mind your business.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

Is the elephant in the room with us right now?

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Quit keeping your enemies closer. No wonder you feel like shit.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Like most people my age, I’m 50.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

Hello taxi, off to Friday please. Money doesn’t matter!

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Drive as I say, not as I drive.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

“You’re always sleeping!” God forbid a girl wants to be unconscious.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Sex is cool but have you ever had a king size bed all to yourself.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Unfortunately, I do enjoy watching the downfall of people who did me wrong.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

Men used to build castles for women they love, but now they think replying on time is too much effort.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,443

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

My immune system told me it’s a lover not a fighter.

Breaking via TikTok:

What if they close grocery stores and we have to hunt for our food? I don’t even know where the little gummy bears live.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Just rolled over for a cuddle.. forgot I’m single… fell off the bed.

Spotted on Telegram:

I prefer the Easter Bunny, for starters, he’s not making a list and checking it twice, and more importantly, he’s not watching me when I’m sleeping.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

“You’ve changed.” Yeah, I watched a new movie.

Breaking via Discord:

I’m staying up past midnight this New Year’s eve. Not to welcome the new year, but to make sure this one is over.

Going viral on X:

I drive regularly so that my brain doesn’t forget swear words.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Fun fact: The confetti you’ll see in Times Square tonight was made from one CVS receipt.

Live now on LinkedIn:

I’m not well rested. Sleeping Beauty was well rested.

Spotted on Reddit:

Parents be like “why aren’t you eating, don’t you like my food?” and after you eat a ton, they’ll say “you look a little chubby, maybe you should eat less.”

Old people get so mad when you’re young and tired.

Funny quote about aging: old folks get annoyed when you're young and exhausted.
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Commentary:
"Old people be like: 'Back in my day, we didn't even have tired!' 😂💤 #YouthfulExhaustion"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, we need to kiss today.

68 shares on Reddit this month:

Mouse in a conference call: hold on, I’m gonna put you on squeakerphone.

87 shares on Facebook this month:

Shoutout to coughing on the bus. Haven’t tried it myself but seems really popular.

57 shares on X this month:

I need you to put the fun in refund!

66 shares on Telegram this month:

At some point, my colleagues will manage to get me my own true crime documentary on Netflix.

70 shares on Pinterest this month:

We just accepted air fryers and never once questioned how air fries things.

22 shares on TikTok this month:

Hanging out with a couple and saying, “May this love never find me,” every time there’s a slight conflict.

15 shares on Threads this month:

Your brain needs exercise just as much as your body does. That’s why I think of running everyday.

34 shares on Telegram this month:

The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice-cream.

74 shares on Twitch this month:

Santa’s elves listen to wrap music.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here doing an epic air-drum solo to ‘In The Air Tonight’.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine playing Truth or Dare and they dare you to go home.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I be outside telling people I don’t got social media when they ask.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Of course I wrote a grocery list. I carefully wrote it all down and then didn’t bring it with me, like my mother and her mother before her.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My husband cleaned the kitchen for the first time in years. He’s in the living room, dressed in a suit, waiting for the award ceremony to commence.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is everyone looking for intelligent life in space? Can we please start on Earth first?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m very loyal to whatever brand is on sale.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Post-standing clarity is like, damn, I could have been sitting this whole time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,616

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

I have never in my life learned from another person’s mistakes, I would literally let a giant wooden horse into my house right this second.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

My mouth moves faster than my survival instincts.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Working your entire life so you can ‘enjoy’ a couple of years when you’re close to death is the biggest scam of all time.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

If anyone wants to contact me, from now on I can only be reached via my bank account.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

After my funeral, I want one of my friends to take my phone and text everyone, “Thanks for coming.”

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

You can learn a lot about a person by observing their every waking movement from a tree outside their house.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

For a guy supposedly called my “brother,” I’ve never seen him make broth even once.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

If Wonka had a spaghetti factory, I’d get sucked into a marinara river tube so fast.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

You’ve never burned music to a CD, and it shows.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

My Saturday was going really well, until I realized it’s Sunday!

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

I’m equally comfortable holding a guitar as I am holding a baby, I just hold them both by the neck.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Putting a blanket over my boss so he thinks it’s night time and goes to sleep.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I’m just falling in love with my problems now. Maybe they’ll leave me too.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Having sex with the same person gets freakier and nastier each time.

Just landed via Snapchat:

The older I get, the more I start to understand the appeal of birdwatching as a hobby. I do find myself watching these little troublemakers quite often.

Seen just now on Discord:

My boss told me to show initiative, so I decided to finish work early.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I’m not good at solving Pi, but I’m really good at eating it.

Breaking via Snapchat:

I don’t think I’d be so scared of spiders if they had eight tiny flip flops on.

Seen just now on Slack:

Can’t stand British posts on my timeline. “I bought this for four squids and a halfpenny!” What the hell are you talking about?

Freshly posted on Slack:

Lie during your job interview because they’re lying to you about their great work environment.

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