Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Need someone to feed me Doritos while I read, so I don’t mess up the pages. No weirdos.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

“Still gangsta” I whisper to myself as I drink my chamomile tea with a heating pad on my back.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

If you saw me licking the plate after the charcuterie was finished, no you didn’t.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Does anyone play Trivial Pursuit anymore, or did it retire with the encyclopedias?

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

I smile at all animals, just not the human ones.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

If you live in the same hemisphere as me, you’ve probably already heard me sneeze.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Lois Lane said, “Clark?” like she didn’t just make out with that same jawline in spandex twelve hours ago.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

My favorite thing about summer is opening a window for 30 seconds so an insect that hasn’t been identified by science yet can fly into your home.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

Take me down to the Moria city, where the girls are green and the boys are stinky… and even Gandalf said ‘Nope, too freaky!’

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer and come out wrinkle free?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,472

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

90% of debugging is just realizing your own stupidity in slow motion.

Shared recently on Slack:

In my 20s: Jingle all the way. In my 40s: Jingle til around ten.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I identify as Michael Jackson, so my pronouns are “he/hee.”

Freshly posted on Facebook:

A new year resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I thought my friends in their 60s were making love in the other room but they were just putting on their socks.

Making waves on Messenger:

Good news, I just decided I don’t care about anything anymore.

Going viral on X:

Sorry I can’t come today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandpa’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and it was tragic.

Shared recently on Discord:

“Help us improve Instagram!” Nice try, fix your own damn website.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I taped a picture of my paycheck on my front door to keep all the solicitors away.

Spotted on Twitch:

Accidentally punched myself in the face as I was getting dressed this morning, and I have to say, I deserved it.

Posing for photos has to be the most basic thing I’m actually terrible at.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Me too! My best angle is usually a blur! 😂📸 #ProfessionalPhotoPhantom"

actually, awkward, basic, humor, most, photo, photography, photos, posing, self-confidence, self-image, selfie, talent, terrible, thing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Honestly, I don’t even play an active role in my life any more. Things just happen and I’m like “I guess this is what we’re doing now.”

0

2 months ago

acceptance, doing, happening, humor, i, just, life, play, role, spontaneity, things
Doctors who give out lollipops really treat their patients.

0

2 months ago

doctor, healthcare, humor, lollipop, patient, treat
“I’m not ordering fries, I’ll just eat some of yours!” -Former friends of mine

0

2 months ago

eat, food, friends, fry, humor, just, mine, relationship, sharing, yours
If there was an award for staying at home, I’d win and then send someone else to pick it up for me.

0

2 months ago

award, else, home, homebody, humor, ID, laziness, me, pick, pick-up, procrastination, send, someone, staying, staying at home, win
I’m like if a birthday card with no money inside was a person.

0

2 months ago

birthday, birthday card, card, comparison, disappointment, humor, inside, money, person, self-deprecation
They say you should dress for the job you want then send you home as “the stormtrooper suit is not appropriate work attire”.

0

2 months ago

attire, costume, dress, expectation, home, humor, inappropriate, job, say, send, should, stormtrooper, suit, want, work, workplace

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on X this month:

I haven’t even gone to bed yet and I already can’t wait to get home from work tomorrow.

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

Running to the boarding gate is my favorite workout.

83 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Monday morning looks like Jack Nicholson breaking through the door in The Shining.

83 shares on Slack this month:

Being strange is exhausting.

67 shares on X this month:

Everyone else time traveling: Preventing wars or the spread of disease. Me: Buying multiple pairs of my favorite shoes they’ve stopped making.

41 shares on WhatsApp this month:

This meeting should’ve been a fist fight.

45 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.

64 shares on X this month:

Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer and come out wrinkle free?

72 shares on Instagram this month:

My muffin top has become a full blown birthday cake.

28 shares on Slack this month:

Not feeling fergalicious today, actually feeling pretty fergusting right now.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

Someone at work had a 25-year anniversary, and it took everything in me not to say she’s been working longer than I’ve been alive.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

The biggest problem with finding another job is I don’t want one.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

A good man is hard to find, but a babysitter for Friday night is harder.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

A perfect metaphor for my life would be “Someone trying to stand up in a hammock.”

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Imagine if every time you ate a grape you’d hear a soft voice whisper “that was my son…”

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

I hope you catch the bouquet at my funeral.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

I’m ugly but I can make u laugh.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Entered this world crying, and honestly, not much has changed.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

Other people: You should get out of your comfort zone. Me: You should get out of my comfort zone.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

The wind is about to blow me to Oz, so if you see me flying past your window, mind your business.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I walked into a holiday party, saw someone else already playing with the dog, and realized they’d stolen my entire social strategy.

Spotted on Twitch:

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

One week of daily crunches and I have abs…urdly underestimated how long it will take to see results.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Serious replies to silly posts are now illegal. Go talk to your wife.

Trending via Pinterest:

But what if I don’t want someone that’s good for me?

Making waves on WhatsApp:

A house doesn’t have to be haunted to scare me, I’ve seen the listing prices.

Making waves on Telegram:

Is it socially acceptable to wear pajamas all day if you’re constantly holding a coffee cup?

Shared recently on Threads:

Eleven out of ten people are stupid.

Broadcasted on Threads:

The invention of locks was a key turning point in history.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Posing for photos has to be the most basic thing I’m actually terrible at.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Honestly, I don’t even play an active role in my life any more. Things just happen and I’m like “I guess this is what we’re doing now.”

Doctors who give out lollipops really treat their patients.

“I’m not ordering fries, I’ll just eat some of yours!” -Former friends of mine

If there was an award for staying at home, I’d win and then send someone else to pick it up for me.

I’m like if a birthday card with no money inside was a person.

They say you should dress for the job you want then send you home as “the stormtrooper suit is not appropriate work attire”.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨