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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

Parenting just means you have to pretend you like to eat fruits and vegetables in front of your kids, knowing you’d rather eat a cheeseburger instead.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

A girl like me should be in the sky, sitting on a star.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

“Please feel free to ignore this email!” Way ahead of you, buddy.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Dating a smart man, so I actually can turn my brain off when he is around.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

I hate it when I imagine how a conversation will go and then in the actual conversation the person goes off script. That’s not your line, man.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

Someone needs to invent a kid that listens the first time.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

I’m at the age where a house arrest no longer sounds like the worst thing.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Find someone who looks at you the way I look at a cheeseburger.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Having a crush is so stupid. Like, why is this dude in my head at 8 am?

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

“Try it all before you die” is always drugs and sex, never quantum physics.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,240

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

What if babies had two umbilical cords and if you cut the wrong one, it exploded?

Shared recently on Threads:

Twitter is basically a psychiatric ward where all the patients diagnose each other.

Live now on Telegram:

Half of all the problems in life can be solved by duct tape. For the rest, you’re gonna have to reboot that computer.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I’m an adult, that’s why I can have Skittles for dinner.

Making waves on X:

Forgetting how to clean the dishes and shooting them with a gun.

Trending via YouTube:

I’m retired. I was tired yesterday and I’m tired again today.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Stay humble and play dumb. People reveal who they truly are when they think they are smarter than you.

Live now on Discord:

I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Forget a dinner date, let’s go sit in court listening to people’s cases.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Twitter sucks so much, but randomly there are such funny tweets, so I wait, like a frog, for one delicious fly.

The absolute hottest thing you can do in front of a woman is tame a horse, but unfortunately, modern life affords us little opportunities for that.

4 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Who knew my horse-taming skills would go to waste? 🐴💁‍♂️ #ModernProblems

attraction, front, horse, hottest, humor, life, little, modern, modern life, opportunity, tame, thing, unfortunately, us, woman

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Everyone loves a little silent treatment on the weekend.

0

3 weeks ago

communication, everyone, humor, little, relationship, sarcasm, silent, silent treatment, treatment, weekend
The worst part of my grandfather’s dementia was slowly watching him forget about Dre.

0

2 months ago

dementia, Dre, family, forget, grandfather, humor, irony, memory, watching, worst
People who leave the blinds closed the entire plane ride: who hurt you?

0

5 months ago

annoyance, blind, blinds, closed, flight, humor, hurt, leave, passenger, people, plane, ride, travel
Imagine hating me while I’m just over here being lazy and minding my own business.

0

2 months ago

being, business, hate, here, humor, imagine, irony, just, lazy, me, minding, minding business, over, own, self-awareness
Sorry, I can’t today. I have to sit in my room and make matters worse.

0

5 months ago

apology, excuse, humor, i, laziness, making, making matters worse, matters, procrastination, room, sit, sorry, today, worse
If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?

0

2 months ago

humor, irony, logic, mess, problem-solving, stupidity

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on Snapchat this month:

Big fan of the comma, just great. Like look, I just made you pause the sentence as you read it. Oh look, I just did it again.

13 shares on Messenger this month:

I actually check my emails every day in hopes I’m going to get some life-changing news someday.

54 shares on Reddit this month:

So, Earth is basically auditions for heaven and hell.

64 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The possibility of monsters residing underneath your bed is negated when the mattress is positioned on the floor.

15 shares on X this month:

When I was a kid I thought shrimp cocktails had alcohol in them and I thought it was such a weird way to get drunk.

89 shares on X this month:

If a ham is allowed to spiral then so am I.

10 shares on Twitch this month:

Best threesome: me, my bed and my pillow.

69 shares on Instagram this month:

Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?

77 shares on X this month:

When you ask for your phone charger back and your teenager has the audacity to ask “what percentage are you on?”

77 shares on WeChat this month:

If a girl sends you selfies and you don’t compliment her, she should be allowed to electrocute you.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

My super talent is hitting every red light on the way to wherever the hell I’m going.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Thrifting must be so awesome for big guys and extremely small women.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

Using my one phone call to call Santa.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

If someone else makes you a sandwich, it’s always better than if you do it yourself. It’s the same with sex.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Don’t go chasing waterfalls? The place where many video games hide easter eggs and other rare items?

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Sorry I can’t help you move, my hands are in permanent air quotes.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

“I’m too pretty for this” is a very valid excuse, actually.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

I really hope my house is haunted and not in need of structural repairs.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Stop blaming everyone for all of your problems. Pick the one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Twitter is great because you can tweet “hi” and someone will tell you you’re wrong.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Threads:

We need a better word for horny that sounds elegant and gorgeous.

Just shared via WeChat:

Being old is basically trying to figure out what part of the body the noise is coming from, and why.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Have you ever met someone and thought that you couldn’t wait to spend the rest of your life without them?

Freshly posted on WeChat:

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And the haters? They were right. They were correct. They even nailed the small details, frankly it’s amazing.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

My social circle is so small that when the phone rings, I know it’s scammers.

Going viral on X:

Bro, are you a black hole, because you suck energy and light?

Spotted on Instagram:

I want to be cuddled, but I also want to be left alone. Being crazy is hard.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I hate starting new relationships. I gotta act like I ain’t crazy for two months.

Just landed via Threads:

Sometimes I do random acts of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Promising I won’t tell anyone your secret doesn’t include my husband. He’s basically my diary.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The absolute hottest thing you can do in front of a woman is tame a horse, but unfortunately, modern life affords us little opportunities for that.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Everyone loves a little silent treatment on the weekend.

The worst part of my grandfather’s dementia was slowly watching him forget about Dre.

People who leave the blinds closed the entire plane ride: who hurt you?

Imagine hating me while I’m just over here being lazy and minding my own business.

Sorry, I can’t today. I have to sit in my room and make matters worse.

If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨