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Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Am I the only person who would rather almost fall over carrying the shopping than walk a second time?

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Everyone wants a goth girlfriend until she starts doing goth things.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

My superpower is holding onto stuff for years and throwing it away exactly one week before I need it.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

If I ever win the lottery and decide to invest in a billboard company, I won’t tell anyone; but there will be signs.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

The greatest trick ever was making people feel more connected, when they are actually more alone than ever.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

You know you’re mature when you go to the dentist and you are no longer afraid of pain, but of how much it costs.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

A more accurate description would be ‘The Darker Web’.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

That depressing moment when you pull up to work and the building is not engulfed in flames.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

I didn’t mean to gain weight. It happened by snaccident.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Can’t wait for the day off from work so I can sit on the couch at home and stare at the TV screen while thinking about work.

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Do people who do triathlons know that they don’t have to?

Just landed via Messenger:

They should send the Epstein list to everyone’s phones like that U2 album.

Trending via Slack:

Nothing really prepares you for when your favorite sweatpants begin to fall apart.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I may not know what’s going on, but I also have no idea what’s happening.

Making waves on TikTok:

Denying the existence of anyone that annoys me.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Be the reason why your local woods are haunted.

Spotted on Reddit:

The laundromat should give you XP and ranks like “Slimelord” and “Glunkfather,” based on how dirty your clothes are.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

They should let you spend one night in a house before you buy/rent it, just to make sure it’s haunted.

Making waves on TikTok:

In 2007, if you wore a long-sleeve T-shirt under a regular T-shirt, it meant that you liked music.

Trending via WeChat:

How is rent for 28 days the same amount as for 31 days? Where is my change?

The quality of clothing at retail stores today is quite literally the quality that Halloween costumes used to be.

1 day ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about cheap clothing quality resembling old Halloween costumes.

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Commentary:
🎃🛍️ "Guess I'll be dressing as 'everyday me' for Halloween this year, thanks to these 'costume quality' outfits!" 👻🤣

clothing, comparison, costume, fashion, Halloween, Halloween costume, humor, literally, quality, retail, retail store, shopping, store, stores, today, used

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64 shares on Facebook this month:

December turns me into someone who believes a fat man with a beard can fix everything.

53 shares on Telegram this month:

I wonder how many new moms try to pick out a unique name for their baby only to later learn it’s the name of an antidepressant.

23 shares on Snapchat this month:

When is a robot gonna take over my job? Please?

98 shares on WeChat this month:

Santa’s elves listen to wrap music.

12 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t know what i’m going to be for Halloween, so I’m probably just going to put in a tampon and go as a sexy kite.

65 shares on X this month:

On the whole, people are getting smarter. I remember when they had to put “The End” on the screen, so people would know the movie was over.

18 shares on Instagram this month:

Make your salad taste better by putting it between bread, meat, cheese, and Big Mac sauce.

18 shares on Reddit this month:

Bold of me to constantly use the phrase “no worries!” when I am, in fact, constantly full of many worries.

79 shares on Instagram this month:

Being strange is exhausting.

83 shares on WeChat this month:

Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

If you see me out in public but we haven’t talked since high school, let’s keep it that way.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

If porn damages your brain, and writing develops your brain, does writing porn even it out?

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m not going to die because of an accident. Nor because of an illness. But from small talk. Someone will say one boring sentence too many and I’ll drop dead.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

I’m a pocket full of sunshine, not your dumping ground for grumpiness.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

The second cup of coffee does for me what a can of spinach does for Popeye.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Me summer vacation planning: I’m going to Europe. Bank account: You’re going camping.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Scientists say humans are the most evolved, but bears get to get fat all summer and then sleep for four months, so who’s really ahead.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

If an alien is 60 million light years away and is watching us through a telescope, it will see dinosaurs.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

My fairytale would be called the princess and the pea sized bladder.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Hey dude, I recently became omniscient, and well, you fell off in every universe.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor got slapped.

Breaking via Slack:

I was 21 when I was 15, that’s why everything’s boring now.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Gordon Ramsay is making us dinner. It’s a four curse meal.

Seen just now on WeChat:

There are no laws against pineapples on pizza.

Spotted on Twitch:

Be the reason someone burns sage.

Making waves on Slack:

That moment when you dip your cookie in milk for too long and it breaks off, then you wonder why bad things happen to good people.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

My wife is pretty excited about going away this weekend so I’m not sure she knows I’m coming with her.

Just shared via TikTok:

Your reply guys are like Pooh Bear. They wear no pants and are relentlessly trying to get in your honeypot.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

If you were a dinosaur, you’d be a Gorgeousaurus.

Trending via Snapchat:

How silly of me to forget that I am the love of my life.

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The quality of clothing at retail stores today is quite literally the quality that Halloween costumes used to be.

Stop blaming yourself for your failures. Learn astrology and blame the planets.

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a cardiac surgeon in the middle of heart surgery.

You can tell a lot about a person by breaking into their home and going through their belongings.

My son was praying for “everybody in the world.” If you suddenly start experiencing good fortune, you’re welcome.

Coffee: Because without it I would be a serious danger to society.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The quality of clothing at retail stores today is quite literally the quality that Halloween costumes used to be.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Stop blaming yourself for your failures. Learn astrology and blame the planets.

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a cardiac surgeon in the middle of heart surgery.

You can tell a lot about a person by breaking into their home and going through their belongings.

My son was praying for “everybody in the world.” If you suddenly start experiencing good fortune, you’re welcome.

Coffee: Because without it I would be a serious danger to society.

“Stalking”. God forbid I have access to public information and know how to utilize my resources.

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