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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Every day I tell myself, “You got this,” and every day, “this” gets weirder.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

No matter what’s going on in your life, there’s some form of potato that can make it better.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

If you respond to emails and Teams messages quickly, you can get away with basically anything at work.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

The good old days, when you didn’t have to charge your watch and it didn’t constantly remind you how fat you were.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

If I meet you at a party and you instantly start asking about my job, you are subhuman to me.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

I’m confused how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

I can’t take people who pronounce “gnocchi” correctly seriously.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

The world would be a better place if mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

I’ve never been to hell, but I once forgot to buy batteries for the toys on Christmas morning. The sound is still ringing in my ears.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

I bet whenever a pilot drives a car there’s a brief moment of panic like “why isn’t it going up?”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,386

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

We’ve been talking about eating the rich for so long, they got over-ripe.

Making waves on X:

I think I’ll just sit here and waste oxygen all day.

Breaking via TikTok:

“You like talking to yourself?” God forbid I seek advice from an expert.

Spotted on X:

When your stomach is really mad at you, and you’re not sure which one of your 13 unhealthy lifestyle choices is causing it.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Not only is it not Friday, but it’s not even Thursday.

Going viral on Facebook:

If I were god, I would’ve rested all 7 days.

Just landed via Reddit:

It’s crazy that we’re closer to the year 3000 then I am to finding love.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

There’s a great new book on minimalism but I only read the blurb because I believe that’s what the author would want.

Trending via Discord:

“This isn’t going to end well for you.” Me, alone in the house, to the cake on the counter.

Live now on Threads:

You have never experienced true fear until a poster falls off the wall in the middle of the night.

The subtle art of surviving this life with grace and dignity.

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The subtle art of surviving this life with grace and dignity.
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Commentary:
Well, attempting to navigate life with grace and dignity is like trying to wrangle a herd of unruly unicorns 🦄🦄. It's a delicate dance of balancing on one foot while juggling flaming marshmallows 🔥🔥. But hey, as long as you've got your sense of humor intact, you're halfway there! 😄 #LifeGoals #GracefulMess

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on Discord this month:

Pitching a sitcom where all the top people running a major city have been arrested and by chain of command the person in charge is now a librarian.

68 shares on Snapchat this month:

When I was in elementary school, we learned about a shape called a rhombus, and that was the last time I ever heard about that shape ever again.

26 shares on Snapchat this month:

What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger, but also a little grumpy.

76 shares on TikTok this month:

If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore.

52 shares on Pinterest this month:

Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

15 shares on Pinterest this month:

Currently helping my nephew look for his M&M’s that I ate yesterday.

12 shares on WeChat this month:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI get absolutely no work done and then throw their coworker under the bus as soon as their boss asks about it.

66 shares on Telegram this month:

My spirit animal is a sloth on its fourth nap of the day!

79 shares on Instagram this month:

“You’re overthinking this!” Bro, I have anxiety. I have no other type of thinking available.

74 shares on Slack this month:

We live in a cosmic tornado, but sure, let’s all get jobs.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent going outside without people looking at you.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m beginning to think that for some of you, the wheels on the bus do not go round and round.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

If the line at the grocery store takes longer than 10 minutes, the candy beside the checkout should be free.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I sign all anniversary cards with ‘Way to commit to the bit!’

21 folks are currently checking 👀

If I were Juliet, I would NOT be pleased to find a man standing under my balcony at midnight. Sir, I am in my jim-jams.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Just so you know, what you now call an energy bar is what my father gave the canary.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Cafeteria is a beautiful name for a baby girl.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t care for small talk. I prefer awkward silence.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s okay to embarrass yourself a little in the pursuit of human connection.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Several of my internal organs hurt, but I’m 100% sure it’s not my body trying to tell me something.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,304

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Please don’t celebrate April Fool’s day if you’re not a fool. My culture is not your costume.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Have an early flight tomorrow, so naturally I’m going to stay up late tonight and be weird in my room.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

I am not responsible for what my face does when you talk.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

A late person is never happier than when the person they’re meeting is later than them.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

I’ve never found a “Remember Me” checkbox that works. Nothing remembers me.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Good morning, did you have a nice weekend? I ask my many open work tabs.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Japanese cats answering the phone be like, “Meowshi meowshi.”

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

I knew the date was going well when we shared a glass of gravy with two straws.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

He’s called James Cameron because he turns the camera on.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

I’m only staying up until midnight on New Year’s to watch that bloody year die.

Making waves on Threads:

I have this epiphany every night that I need to turn it up a notch.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

The folks who write fragrance commercials must be like “I had the weirdest dream, Imma put it on TV.”

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Tonight I will make history, by turning off incognito mode.

Trending via Slack:

When someone asks me why I’m leaving the party early, I say “I’m late for an appointment with my pajamas.”

Making waves on Instagram:

Saving on divorce lawyers by staying single.

Just landed via X:

Unlike the brain, the stomach alerts you when it’s empty.

Breaking via Discord:

Self-esteem’s so bad my fantasies are hurting my feelings.

Breaking via Instagram:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but my doctor says I have an irreversible terminal condition called aging.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

My most boomer belief is that you can often get a malfunctioning appliance to work again by slapping it.

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