Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Twitter hits different, cause it’s like the only social media app you can use effectively while playing music.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

If we ever make eye contact, just know I imagined way too much already.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

We can do things one of two ways. My way or my other way.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Intermittent fasting is how I drive, not how I eat.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

My kids acting shocked there’s ants in my car like they’re not Hansel and Gretel leaving bloody crumb trails.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m a credit card, cause I’m always being used or denied.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

I love when my husband says, “correct me if I’m wrong,” like I would pass up that opportunity.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

No one tells you that the older you get, the more often you check your weather app.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

I’m not tispy. I’m merry.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Do mens sneezes get louder and louder as they age until they explode?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,525

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

I wish that reading books in the park were my job, and I got paid six figures for it.

Just shared via Messenger:

I love cute tiny purses, but I’m sad to say I can never be a cute tiny purse girl. I need to haul my hoard of objects everywhere I go, because what if….

Spotted on Snapchat:

For a girl that loves sleep and hates stress, my career choice is questionable.

Just shared via X:

I don’t mind driving in bad weather. I mind other people driving in bad weather.

Breaking via Messenger:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here plucking chin hairs.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Why does everyone force introverts to leave their comfort zone, but no one forces extroverts to shut up for a while?

Shared recently on WeChat:

Autumn is when men run around like it’s summer and women like it’s winter.

Making waves on Telegram:

Several of my internal organs hurt, but I’m 100% sure it’s not my body trying to tell me something.

Trending via Twitch:

Seaweed is great for when you want to eat pure salt but wish it had the texture of slime.

Spreading quickly via X:

Remember the good old days when you didn’t have to wonder if the person messaging you was a bot or not?

There’s no bigger test of patience than typing your email address in on a TV with the remote.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to type my email with a TV remote feels like I'm training for the Olympics of patience! 🏋️‍♂️🏆📺

address, bigger, email, email address, frustration, patience, remote, technology, technology frustration, test, TV, typing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Church should be less preachy and more eat-y.

0

2 months ago

church, eat, food, humor, joke, less, preachy, religion, satire, should
People always tell me I’d be “late to my own funeral” like it’s a bad thing. They’d be lucky if I even showed up to that depressing shit.

0

2 months ago

always, bad, bad thing, depressing, even, funeral, humor, i, ID, late, lucky, me, own, people, shit, show, show up, tell, thing
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant.

0

5 months ago

advice, care, dog, funny advice, grocery, grocery store, hear, home, hour, humor, i, know, needs, pet, pet care, restaurant, stay, store
I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

0

2 months ago

being, cooking, day, food, hate, humor, hunger, i, meals, most, myself, own, responsibility, responsible, self-care, spoil, starve
Is it too late to reset my life back to factory settings?

0

2 months ago

back, crisis, existential, existential crisis, factory, factory settings, humor, late, life, reset, settings
Seems like the mosquitoes swiped right on me.

0

6 months ago

bite, dating, humor, insect, joke, match, me, mosquito, right, seems, swipe

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

35 shares on WeChat this month:

Clearing her mind with a brisk walk along the foggy shoreline.

26 shares on Telegram this month:

(to my executioner) I wish we had met before this. You seem cool.

19 shares on YouTube this month:

When I tell you “I’m open to feedback” I’m telling you to be nice to me or I’ll resort to violence.

30 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Yes, I do talk to myself, everyone else just wants to argue with me.

20 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’ve never had a beer in the shower; I’m saving it for a very low moment in my life.

30 shares on Discord this month:

We need to stop making more Christmas music. We have enough.

75 shares on TikTok this month:

My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.

15 shares on Twitch this month:

I feel like I’m in jail when I’m around unfunny people for too long.

10 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It’s actually crazy we figured out how to grow real diamonds that are cheaper and better quality than the real thing, and so many people are still like, no thanks, the suffering is what makes it special.

16 shares on Twitch this month:

When someone sits in the empty seat beside you: flattered yet annoyed. When no one sits in the empty seat beside you: offended yet relieved.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Ripping the fishnets off my slutty little oranges.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

To the people who have only fans, what’s stopping you from upgrading to an air conditioner?

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

I hope this out-of-office message finds you well.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

At my age, this “microsleep” can sometimes last hours.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Hey Alexa… remind me why I walked into this room.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

Twitter is a weapon of mass distraction.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

Used to wonder why my parents couldn’t grasp technology, but now, anytime I see something new, I’m like, “I’m not learning that.”

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

No, I don’t like nature. I can’t respect anything that would so flippantly turn dinosaurs into birds.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Threads:

Someone asked me how much I spend on a bottle of wine. 30 minutes was not the right answer.

Going viral on Facebook:

I have so much to offer. It’s all bad, but still.

Making waves on Threads:

I made the mistake of clicking on an Instagram ad for a flannel shirt, and now the algorithm thinks I’m a lumberjack.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I end all my sentences with “Just saying..” because ending them with “You bonehead..” would probably be considered offensive.

Going viral on Threads:

Are you gonna call me beautiful today, or do I need to go to the gas station?

Making waves on Threads:

My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Nothing betrays your age more than the slang you refuse to let go of.

Going bananas on Twitch:

My whole life just flashed before my eyes and there was way too much pizza.

Just landed via Pinterest:

wearing no bra and oversized clothes is self-care at its finest

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

You can’t spell crypto without “cry”.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

There’s no bigger test of patience than typing your email address in on a TV with the remote.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Church should be less preachy and more eat-y.

People always tell me I’d be “late to my own funeral” like it’s a bad thing. They’d be lucky if I even showed up to that depressing shit.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant.

I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

Is it too late to reset my life back to factory settings?

Seems like the mosquitoes swiped right on me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨