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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

I need a room full of mirrors because I want to be surrounded by winners.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

I invoiced my boss two extra hours for the dream I had about work last night. I’m considering that overtime.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Some things are better left unsaid, but people get drunk and say them anyway.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

I wish I could just drop my body off at the gym and pick it up later.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

I’m starting to think that the secret to having a happy life is avoiding people.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Weird me out? No. You’ve weirded me in. Let’s merge souls.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Hey man, just wanted to reach out and say I loved how much you drank at my wedding last night.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

4,025

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

A freshly cleaned bathroom triggers an irresistible urge in men to trim their beard.

Spotted on Threads:

The way I forget stuff at my age, I just know it is over for me after 50.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

When does hibernation actually begin? I wanna take part this year.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

What was the main bloke called in Harry Potter?

Making waves on TikTok:

I’m not old, I’m vintage.

Just shared via Facebook:

Having to pee when you’re driving is problematic. Having to sneeze when you’re driving is even more problematic.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Candy companies will look you straight in the eye and lie about how they know what a banana tastes like.

Vegans will look you dead in the eye and tell you cauliflower tastes like ribs.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When your cauliflower insists it's a T-bone, but it's clearly a florets-in-disguise 😂🥦🍖"

cauliflower, dead, eye, food, humor, irony, joke, plant-based, ribs, taste, tell, vegan

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“I’m asking Santa to bring some of you a sense of humor for Christmas.”

5 days ago
asking, bring, Christmas, gift, holiday, humor, joke, Santa, sarcasm, sense
I brake for no one, except squirrels.

5 months ago
animal, brake, driving, except, humor, i, squirrel, squirrels
I’m changing the game. I’m starting to thank people from the top of my heart.

1 month ago
appreciation, change, changing, game, heart, humor, people, thank, top
God, please — if you don’t want someone to love me, at least make me a millionaire.

1 month ago
comedy, God, humor, least, longing, love, me, millionaire, please, prayer, sarcasm, someone, want, wealth, wish
Hello bedtime my old friend, my brain is laughing once again.

1 month ago
again, bedtime, brain, friend, hello, humor, laughing, night, old, once, sleep, thoughts
Waking up early is cool until it starts feeling like you’ve had a long day at 10 a.m.

2 months ago
am, cool, day, early, fatigue, feeling, humor, long day, morning, relatable, tired, waking, waking up

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Some people change their faces like traffic lights change their lights.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

My dad wasn’t absent or present; he was a secret third thing.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

Got fired on my first day working at the drugstore for calling my new coworkers ‘my pharmily’.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Not all who wander are lost. Some are just moms. In Target. Hiding from their children.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

I refuse to be bound by the social construct called “the calendar.” Merry Christmas, everyone.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

It’s funny how cats have ears on top of their head, but don’t use them.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

If my trainee says “oh God” one more time, he’s going to meet him.

Shared recently on Discord:

I should go to jail so I can focus on the gym.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

The reason most of us stay up late is because we don’t want our free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Welcome to your 50’s; you can have a really good laugh at everyone moaning about their aches and pains in their 30’s.

Shared recently on Threads:

Used dark mode so much that I became physically repulsed when I see a white screen.

Live now on Snapchat:

I’ve started dating myself exclusively but it’s not working out.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Vegans will look you dead in the eye and tell you cauliflower tastes like ribs.

“I’m asking Santa to bring some of you a sense of humor for Christmas.”

I brake for no one, except squirrels.

I’m changing the game. I’m starting to thank people from the top of my heart.

God, please — if you don’t want someone to love me, at least make me a millionaire.

Hello bedtime my old friend, my brain is laughing once again.

Waking up early is cool until it starts feeling like you’ve had a long day at 10 a.m.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

It’s almost time to pack away the black summer clothes and unpack the black winter clothes.

I love when people find out I meant every word I said.

In the event of a water landing, place the life jacket over your head and swipe your credit card to inflate.

This chapter of my life is called ‘at least the rent is paid’

“Your call is very important to us. Please stay on the line until your call is no longer important to you.”

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Centaurs can’t wipe their asses.

I tried explaining crypto to my nine-year-old, and she said, “It sounds like someone is trying to sell you their imaginary friend.”

If a door closes, I’m just going to open it again.

Perfume and jewelry are two things you can never go wrong with gifting me.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

One thing I miss about the pandemic is getting to rip my mask off like I just botched a surgery.

I don’t mind being the villain in your story because you’re a clown in mine.

To all the people who ask singles why they are actually single: Please don’t. We have sworn an oath and are not allowed to tell you the secret of our success.

This meeting could have been an AI summary.

My therapist said cutting people off isn’t healthy. She’s next.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

When they say screen time is bad for you, they just mean the ones at work, right?

The heart wants what it wants, but it’s not the only organ that has a vote.

Amazon’s checkout needs a breathalyzer feature which cancels your order if you’ve been clearly drunk-shopping.

I don’t flirt, I just say weird things and hope something sticks.

My guardian angel is taking the longest smoking break in recorded history.

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Vegans will look you dead in the eye and tell you cauliflower tastes like ribs.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

“I’m asking Santa to bring some of you a sense of humor for Christmas.”

I brake for no one, except squirrels.

I’m changing the game. I’m starting to thank people from the top of my heart.

God, please — if you don’t want someone to love me, at least make me a millionaire.

Hello bedtime my old friend, my brain is laughing once again.

Waking up early is cool until it starts feeling like you’ve had a long day at 10 a.m.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

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