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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Any house is an Airbnb if you’re quiet enough.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

A haunted house but in every room someone is asking you to say a little something about yourself.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Fog. When nature is too lazy to load the complete environment.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

I’m not climbing a hill if I’m dying. That sounds terrible. I’ll die on this chair. Drinking orange Fanta.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Wish I could step out of my body and take my own damn pictures.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Love Island is fun, but when is Job Island on?

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

It’s freezing cold outside and my polar bear won’t start.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

My favorite body lotion is Voltaren.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Naked and Afraid because there’s a spider in the shower with me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,406

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

Making waves on Twitch:

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with her.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

The great thing about having pet insurance is that while our dachshund is at the vets, they’ve given us a courtesy poodle to hang out with.

Shared recently on Messenger:

God: “I told you to love thy neighbor – not start trade wars with them.”

Seen just now on WeChat:

No one buys my theory that red fire hydrants are filled with ketchup and yellow fire hydrants are filled with mustard.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Your honor, I have a role to play as the black sheep of the family.

Breaking via YouTube:

Who you are when someone reaches over to take food from your plate… is the real you.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I have the bruises of a much more active person.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore. When you swim in the sea and an eel bites your knee, that’s a moray.

Just shared via Messenger:

They should invent a body that doesn’t keep the score.

Vegans will look you dead in the eye and tell you cauliflower tastes like ribs.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When your cauliflower insists it's a T-bone, but it's clearly a florets-in-disguise 😂🥦🍖"

cauliflower, dead, eye, food, humor, irony, joke, plant-based, ribs, taste, tell, vegan

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m not always annoying, sometimes I sleep too.

0

2 months ago

annoying, humor, i, irony, personality, sleep
Putting away the Christmas tree. Sad day for cats.

0

2 months ago

away, cat, cats, change, Christmas, day, decorations, holiday, humor, pet, pet humor, putting, sad, sad day, seasonal, seasonal change, tree
When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

0

2 months ago

activity, blood, blood pressure, family, group, group activity, health, humor, involvement, machine, person, pressure, whole
Taylor Swift’s most unrealistic lyric is “he’d never tell you, but he can play guitar”, because I’ve never met a man who can play guitar that isn’t gonna tell you about it.

0

2 months ago

guitar, humor, lyric, man, music, never, play, relationship, stereotype, swift, taylor, Taylor Swift, tell, unrealistic
I want to text this person, but I need to have shame and self-respect.

0

5 months ago

anxiety, communication, hesitation, humor, i, need, person, self-respect, shame, social, social anxiety, text, texting, want
Cats love to wake you up and go back to sleep. It’s part of their culture.

0

2 months ago

back, behavior, cat, cats, culture, love, pet, pet behavior, sleep, wake, wake up

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

30 shares on Telegram this month:

Hate all political parties and you’ll never be disappointed.

90 shares on WeChat this month:

Why do they make the wine glass so large if you’re not supposed to fill it to the top?

99 shares on Threads this month:

Female friendship is all about taking turns being insane. First, one of you is crazy, and the other has to counterbalance by being normal. Then, thirty minutes later, you get to trade.

45 shares on Snapchat this month:

Today I choose kindness, but we’ll see, it’s still early.

52 shares on Reddit this month:

I read somewhere that playing white noise helps you sleep better, but I didn’t find country music helpful at all.

53 shares on Snapchat this month:

What no one tells you about having kids is that within a few years you’re in possession of a lot of teeth that you have no idea what to do with.

56 shares on Instagram this month:

Good news: I only ate one slice of pizza. Bad news: I did that four times in a row.

67 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m not asking for a lot, I just want someone down to earth that’s gonna touch me all over like my shower curtain does.

87 shares on Slack this month:

If I ever die on some hill, rest assured, something fishy is going on.

72 shares on Instagram this month:

Caught the bouquet at the funeral.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

Anyone know how to create an Outlook rule that sends every email to junk, deletes it, blocks the sender, and sets my laptop on fire?

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

People be like “bear with me” and they don’t even have a bear with them.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

I keep checking my phone like I mean something to somebody. Silly me.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

I think the key to happiness is having plenty of money and then telling all the poor people that money can’t buy happiness.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun to not be able to open that drawer.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

I tell people I rearrange my furniture to change things up, but we all know it’s to annoy my husband.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Petition to lower the retirement age. I’m tired now.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Out of all my body parts, I’m sure my eyes are in the best shape. I do at least 463 eye rolls a day.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

Nothing is smaller than the X on ads to click them away.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

I really miss kissing. I hope next year favors my lips.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

The problem is that younger me didn’t account for the fact that there’d be an older me.

Making waves on Twitch:

They were called “TV programs” because they were literally programming us, bro.

Spotted on TikTok:

I’m going to get some steel wool so I can crochet myself a new car.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Nothing says “not interested” quite like a Restraining Order.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Boyfriends come and go… reply guys stay forever. Against your will, even.

Live now on WhatsApp:

My girlfriend? You wouldn’t know her, she’s in a different data center.

Seen just now on Discord:

I didn’t just turn into a grouchy old woman overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off, and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

People always love to claim that a celebrity’s death is “unexpected”, but they never actually release the data on which celebrities they expected to die that day.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

The Bible is 100% accurate. Especially when thrown at close range.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Getting up early would be easier if we could keep our eyes closed.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Vegans will look you dead in the eye and tell you cauliflower tastes like ribs.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’m not always annoying, sometimes I sleep too.

Putting away the Christmas tree. Sad day for cats.

When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

Taylor Swift’s most unrealistic lyric is “he’d never tell you, but he can play guitar”, because I’ve never met a man who can play guitar that isn’t gonna tell you about it.

I want to text this person, but I need to have shame and self-respect.

Cats love to wake you up and go back to sleep. It’s part of their culture.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨