Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Called in, “If we’re living in a simulation, just simulate that I’m in the office today.”

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Telling a child not to touch something only ensures that child is definitely now going to touch that something.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Are you okay, babe? You’ve barely moved in mysterious ways recently.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

The only thing smart about you is your wisdom tooth.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

You can’t keep running away from your problems, you’re getting older and your kids are getting faster.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

I drive regularly so that my brain doesn’t forget swear words.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

Do I need to have seen the Tokyo Olympics in order to understand the Paris ones?

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

My Christmas letter this year includes a bonus DVD of my colonoscopy.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

Smash Mouth was so right, the years really do start coming and they don’t stop coming.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Sure, I could get off the couch today, but then what?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

242 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,511

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,511

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,378

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

I’m not drunk enough for this Teams meeting.

Making waves on TikTok:

I wonder how many people think, “What the hell?” after talking to me.

Seen just now on Threads:

I remember owning a mobile device as a kid, it was called my bike.

Making waves on Reddit:

Calling it a situationship, and the whole time, the situation is that they don’t want you.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I wonder if my bank account thinks about me and has panic attacks.

Just landed via Facebook:

Going to work has backfired on me so many times.

Spotted on X:

They just don’t put milkshakes in the yard like they used to.

Just shared via Reddit:

Turns out “V for Vendetta” is not an educational movie and it won’t teach your kids the alphabet.

Shared recently on Discord:

If you wake up early enough, you can go back to sleep for a few hours. Not everyone knows this.

Just landed via Messenger:

Taking a dog named shark to the beach is a bad idea.

Why hasn’t Lululemon created a bra-line named Lulumelons?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Seems like Lululemon missed a *melon* opportunity with that one! 🍈🤣 Maybe they're saving it for their next *busty* venture! 😜"

bra, branding, fashion, humor, Lululemon, melons, why

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

They should invent a situationship that turns into something beautiful.

0

2 months ago

beautiful, companionship, dating, emotional, emotional growth, growth, humor, invent, love, relationship, romance, should, situationship, something
“I don’t do politics.” Politics will do you, my brother and sister. Politics will do you like mad.

0

2 months ago

brother, do you, humor, i, irony, mad, politics, sister, statement
Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

0

2 months ago

dynamic, friendship, gender, hang, humor, LGBTQ, men, orientation, relationships, sexual, sexual orientation, social, social dynamic, stereotypes, straight, why, women
Drinking a couple of beers and then getting onto Red Dead Redemption, and just petting my horse and feeding it apples.

0

2 months ago

apple, apples, beer, beers, couple, dead, drinking, feeding, game, gaming, getting, horse, humor, just, petting, red, Red Dead Redemption, redemption, relaxation, video, video game
I’m trying to cut back on how much sense I make.

0

2 months ago

back, cut, cut back, humor, i, irony, much, self-awareness, sense, trying
I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

0

2 months ago

afford, children, expectations, family, financial, humor, i, living, move, parenting, things, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on Threads this month:

You’re so vain. You probably think me being in this tree outside your house is about you.

30 shares on YouTube this month:

I need a massage for my brain.

53 shares on YouTube this month:

Hi, I’m making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me, you are one of them.

27 shares on Reddit this month:

The day I start waking up early it’s over for you all.

29 shares on Facebook this month:

Did you ever stop to ask how Mercury feels about being in retrograde? No, because you only think about yourself.

81 shares on Reddit this month:

Salad was likely invented after someone picked everything they didn’t like out of their meal and put it on a separate plate.

53 shares on Telegram this month:

My handwriting got like five different fonts, depends on my mood and the pen I’m using.

47 shares on Telegram this month:

“I’d love to go to the moon” I said “but on a full moon day of course, no point going all that way when only half of it’s there”

96 shares on LinkedIn this month:

His hands wouldn’t stop talking to me, your honor.

72 shares on Instagram this month:

Coffee ain’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat batteries.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

The billionaires have decided that the people with nothing have too much.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

No matter how old you are, when the kitchen roll is empty, you have a telescope.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Not arguing with a man that can cook. Whatever you say, handsome.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

If being hydrated is such a great thing, why does it feel like my bladder is pissed off?

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Sorry, I can’t hang out tomorrow. I hung out with people a week ago and I’m still recovering from that.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Traumatized people will navigate emergency situations with calm surety but then have an anxiety attack in a grocery store.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Calling women “bro” to make sure they know they’re in the deepest trenches of the friend zone.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

The devil couldn’t reach me, so he made sure that the love I give is never reciprocated.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

Shazam but for random noises outside.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not exhausted, that’s just your face now.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Well, at least my cat is supportive of me doing less and laying around more.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Mayor of a small town is such a wild job. It’s like being the president of a country where you went to high school with the whole population.

Spotted on TikTok:

Gonorrhea would’ve been a great name for diarrhea medicine.

Going bananas on Instagram:

I don’t have a yoga mat, but I have a Twister mat, and it’s the same thing.

Going viral on WeChat:

Okay, this is getting ridiculous. It can’t just be the one guy. It’s gotta be a group of people pooping my son’s diaper.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Deleting the paragraph you wrote and texting back “ok” is a different type of self-control.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Knowing I’ve been called crazy, but never ugly, is how I sleep at night.

Seen just now on Discord:

That moment you turn down the music while driving around looking for a street address, so you can see better.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Several of my internal organs hurt, but I’m 100% sure it’s not my body trying to tell me something.

Going bananas on Telegram:

The worst part of coming out of a hyperfixation is sobering up and looking at all the merch you bought that you didn’t need.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Why hasn’t Lululemon created a bra-line named Lulumelons?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

They should invent a situationship that turns into something beautiful.

“I don’t do politics.” Politics will do you, my brother and sister. Politics will do you like mad.

Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

Drinking a couple of beers and then getting onto Red Dead Redemption, and just petting my horse and feeding it apples.

I’m trying to cut back on how much sense I make.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨