Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Porn actresses envy the look on my face when I clean my ear with a cotton bud.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Summer is here. Always put on some suncream to help the rain run off.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Asbestos? I’m doing asbestos I can.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

The introverted urge to spend a week alone at home after many holidays and family gatherings.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

You can’t tell me there’s anything better than earplugs; I simply will not hear it.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Ladies, don’t date hungry guys. They’re just trying to get into your pantries.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

I need a Netflix show called: “Background noise while you scroll on your phone.”

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Dear women, when you’re not around we load the dishwasher properly.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Duolingo does everything except actually teach you the language.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Stop wasting your money on beauty products. The secret to looking young is to wear a baseball cap with a propeller on it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,353

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

It’s almost impossible to talk to a girl without flirting with her.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Being a writer means canceling your plans so you have time to write, and then spending hours avoiding writing.

Trending via WhatsApp:

My superpower is holding onto stuff for years and throwing it away exactly one week before I need it.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Maybe if we paid our streaming services even more, they could stop jacking up the volume on the commercials they make us watch, even though we are paying for the service.

Spotted on Facebook:

She took all my money, called me fat, AND stabbed me in the arm. I hate doctor appointments.

Freshly posted on Discord:

All I’m saying is that at first I am shy and then I become a podcast.

Just shared via Reddit:

I’m on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.

Trending via Telegram:

God, is there anything worse than when someone wants to show you a video?

Trending via Instagram:

Girls … I understood why they advise us to get married and have kids before 25. Because after that, our brain starts working, and the decision won’t seem so reasonable anymore.

Going bananas on Threads:

I used to think I was indecisive, but I’m not too sure any more.

90% of debugging is just realizing your own stupidity in slow motion.

4 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When my code breaks, I meet my inner Sherlock Holmes, minus the deduction skills 😅🔍💻

90, debugging, humor, just, motion, own, programming, realization, slow, slow motion, stupidity

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Wait, making the right choices is an option?!

2 months ago

choice, choices, decision, humor, irony, life, making, option, right, uncertainty, wait
I love having plans to cancel.

6 months ago

cancel, cancellation, having, humor, i, introvert, life, love, plan, plans, social, social life
Don’t tell me that everything was better in the past. I was there.

2 months ago

better, everything, experience, humor, i, me, memory, nostalgia, past, perspective, tell, truth
It took three employees to help me complete “self-checkout” yesterday.

2 months ago

assistance, checkout, complete, employees, experience, funny experience, help, humor, me, self-checkout, shopping, three, yesterday
My door camera alerts are all just me stepping outside to see how warm it is.

2 months ago

alert, camera, check, curiosity, door, door camera, funny habit, habit, home, home security, just, me, outside, security, stepping, stepping outside, temperature, temperature check, warm, weather, weather curiosity
I’m the type of person to go back to sleep and try to finish a dream.

5 months ago

back, dream, finish, napping, person, personality, sleep, try, type

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on Instagram this month:

Damn, I just realized that the future idealized version of myself can’t exist without current me being the catalyst for change and doing hard things.

81 shares on X this month:

Crazy how every smart person recommends going for walks.

26 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The only way three people can keep a secret is if two of them are dead.

63 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m at the age where I have to warm up first before jumping to conclusions.

35 shares on Facebook this month:

When life hands me lemons, I put them in the fridge next to the bagged salad I’m also not going to eat.

53 shares on YouTube this month:

God: “I’m all-knowing but I’d rather be all-forgetting.”

53 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m an adult, that’s why I can have Skittles for dinner.

42 shares on Instagram this month:

I wish I could have a kid just to see what it looks like… and then put it back.

59 shares on Reddit this month:

The internet is fun because you can post about mayonnaise and somehow end up in a fight.

24 shares on Snapchat this month:

We should thank heaven for nipples. Without them boobs would be pointless.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Unfortunately, the movie you want to watch is unavailable on your 13 streaming services. You can rent it for $2.99 though.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

Why are these idiots only giving robots two arms?

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

I hope I find $10,000 on the floor later.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

I know I’m mad when I start talking to myself about it.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

I wish British people had subtitles so I knew what they are on about.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Going back on a dating app is the new walk of shame.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

It’s been so long since I had sex last, went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, phone, temper, and my mind.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

Tried to pull off a smokey eye, ended up looking like I went three rounds with McGregor.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

Convinced my kid her harmonica didn’t work because the instructions were missing.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

You’re not lazy, you’re just buffering in HD.

Freshly posted on X:

Mario Kart gave me unrealistic expectations of how banana peels affect traffic.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Let’s get married and have kids, so instead of relaxing during weeknights, we can go to seven practices and relearn algebra.

Trending via Snapchat:

Adults should get spring break from their jobs.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Quitting my job to focus on staying inside.

Trending via Discord:

Can someone please fix the algorithm of my life?

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Eat whatever you want. If someone calls you fat, eat them too.

Shared recently on Discord:

That gap between Christmas and New Year’s when you can’t tell what day of the week it is.

Making waves on Facebook:

I always fear that one day I will enter my house and find a thief, knocked out unconscious by the things fallen on his head from some closet.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

90% of debugging is just realizing your own stupidity in slow motion.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Wait, making the right choices is an option?!

I love having plans to cancel.

Don’t tell me that everything was better in the past. I was there.

It took three employees to help me complete “self-checkout” yesterday.

My door camera alerts are all just me stepping outside to see how warm it is.

I’m the type of person to go back to sleep and try to finish a dream.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨