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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

Nearly choked on a carrot. A donut would never do that to me.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Due to personal reasons, I’m evil now.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

I’ve been on Facebook for so long, I remember when it all used to be farmland.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

About 40 muscles are activated when you eat just one donut. Follow me for more fitness advice.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Just once I’d like my dog to give me a treat.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

Not a religious man but I do say a short prayer whenever I open a gas station restroom door.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

I applied for a job and got it, and now I really have to go there. Crap!

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Every time someone tries to fight with me online, a middle finger gets its wings.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

That was a nice hour long Twitter scroll. Feel much worse as always. See you guys tomorrow.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

815 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,977

Funny Quotes Topics

13,919

Funny Quotes Images

10,977

Updated

38 minutes ago

Users Online

3,426

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

I could be a morning person, if morning was sometime around noon.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Everyone you know is fighting battles you don’t know about, except for my neighbor who just can not shut up about his battles.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

No place in this world is as dark as my archived chats on WhatsApp.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

There are no laws against pineapples on pizza.

Going viral on Threads:

Why steal office supplies from work when you could take an extra-long bathroom break and steal company time instead?

Going viral on LinkedIn:

It’s getting very expensive to be alive.

Seen just now on Reddit:

My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

Just landed via TikTok:

Finally gathered all my thoughts and now they’re jumping me.

Reported on Threads:

Welcome to your 40’s: you get excited about avocados now.

Reported on Pinterest:

Gonna run this by my two best friends who are as insane as I am.

A penguin is a bird the way a hot dog is a sandwich.

A penguin is a bird the way a hot dog is a sandwich.
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Commentary:
Well, if a penguin is classified as a bird and a hot dog as a sandwich, then one could argue that a penguin in a tuxedo is the fanciest sandwich you'll ever see! 🐧🌭 #PenguinFacts #FoodieJokes

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

815 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,977

Funny Quotes Topics

13,919

Funny Quotes Images

10,977

Updated

38 minutes ago

Users Online

3,417

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

My teen would like you to know I ruined her life when I did her laundry today.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

My mom asked me where I’m taking her to eat on Mother’s Day. I told her we have food at home.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

I’m not a perfectionist. I’m more of a good-enoughist.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Who called them cat allergies and not meowlergies?

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

The Slow and the Furious: me navigating a shopping cart through a grocery store filled with morons.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

“Your call is very important to us. Please stay on the line until your call is no longer important to you.”

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

A hot coffee and a crispy bagel doesn’t change anything but it can’t hurt.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

There are two classes of travel: first class and with children.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Our parents used to drop us off at school with no water bottle, no phone and no snacks, yet somehow we survived.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Body: Time to sleep. Brain: Hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on LinkedIn:

Whatever you do today, do it with the confidence of a 4-year old wearing a Batman cape.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Not trying to brag but I just beat the high score on this blood pressure machine.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I have a drawer in my kitchen that I can’t open anymore because of that one time I decided to put a spatula in it.

Making waves on TikTok:

Dating apps aren’t working. I’ll see ya at Home Depot, gentlemen.

Making waves on Discord:

I like liking Instagram stories because I like pressing buttons.

Just shared via Threads:

When is a robot gonna take over my job? Please?

Making waves on YouTube:

I’m not moody; I’m just on shuffle.

Freshly posted on X:

Most people in your life will come and go but occasionally you’ll meet someone really special who makes you contemplate murder.

Going viral on Twitch:

Scrolling the feed as a mature person, not judging anybody.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Kettlebells? I thought you said kettle chips.

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