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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

I took a test to see if I have multiple personalities. I scored 100%, 92% and 88%.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

I’m bringing back “holy moly” and nobody can stop me.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, and if that doesn’t accurately describe my life, I don’t know what does.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Nutrition labels should include an “What if I ate the whole thing” section.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Still holding out hope that these intrusive thoughts are just gas.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

If men didn’t exist, I would simply go for a 2 a.m. walk every night and listen to music in my AirPods.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Every time you give someone the benefit, they deliver the doubt.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $1 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst anniversary gifts ever.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

If Keith Richards survived the ’70s, the ’80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Somebody just told me I was living the dream, I can assure you I have never dreamt of this shit right here.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Jan 6, 2026

3,259

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Facebook:

Welcome to your 40s. Your eyes are now like a camera someone doesn’t know how to focus.

Going viral on WeChat:

I haven’t tried Yoga, but I bent over to pick up my keys off the floor, so I’m sure I wouldn’t like Yoga.

Just landed via Instagram:

Not trying to brag but I just beat the high score on this blood pressure machine.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I wish someone would light up the way Siri does when I say, “Hey.”

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I’m ugly but I can make u laugh.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

They say dress for the job you want, so I walk around dressed like Darth Vader.

Spotted on Discord:

When a documentary starts with an old person going, ‘We’re a small town, we didn’t lock our doors at night,’ oh, we’re gonna find out what made them start.

Just landed via Twitch:

Trying to spend less time on my phone so I can get back to something I’ve loved since childhood: watching TV.

Trending via Facebook:

As a pigeon mother, I would never let my pigeon daughter hang around the station. That’s really no place for a young pigeon lady.

Spotted on WeChat:

The other day, I got the crazy idea to see if I could still do a cartwheel. I can’t.

About 40 muscles are activated when you eat just one donut. Follow me for more fitness advice.

2 months ago

0

About 40 muscles are activated when you eat just one donut. Follow me for more fitness advice.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, so you're saying eating a donut counts as a workout now? 🍩💪 Talk about muscle activation in the tastiest way possible! 😂 Who needs a gym membership when you've got a box of donuts, am I right? 🤷‍♂️ #FitnessGoals #DonutLover

40, advice, calory, donut, eat, eating, exercise, fitness, follow, humor, joke, just, me, muscles, snack

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Ironically people who are good at giving advice find it difficult to follow their own.

0

2 months ago

advice, difficulty, follow, giving, good, humor, irony, own, people, self-help
Frankly, I have too many situations and not enough monitors.

0

2 months ago

enough, humor, i, monitor, multitasking, productivity, situation, situations, stress, technology, too, workload
Me and my boys are broke, so we take turns taking pictures of one iced matcha.

0

2 months ago

activity, boys, broke, budget-friendly, friendship, group, group activity, humor, iced, iced matcha, matcha, me, photography, pictures, take, taking
When I die I want people to say “Hmm, I didn’t know you could die like that.”

0

2 months ago

death, die, humor, i, irony, know, legacy, mischief, people, say, surprise, unconventional, want
I’m old enough to remember when FIFA was about kicking balls, not sucking them.

0

4 weeks ago

age, ball, balls, enough, FIFA, football, humor, joke, kicking, nostalgia, old, remember, soccer, sports
My summer body is just my winter body with better lighting.

0

2 months ago

better, body, body confidence, confidence, humor, just, lighting, self-deprecating, summer, summer body, winter, winter body

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on YouTube this month:

Stop hating yourself for everything. Be specific.

88 shares on Twitch this month:

The leading cause for injury in old men is them thinking they are still young men.

37 shares on Snapchat this month:

We are all just prisoners here of our phone device.

68 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

40 shares on Slack this month:

Vote for me and I’ll remove all the calories from cheese.

62 shares on Pinterest this month:

I hate it when I’m singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong.

77 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If the USA is so great, why did someone make the USB?

71 shares on Facebook this month:

I never sit around waiting for anyone except for the pizza delivery guy.

31 shares on WeChat this month:

Sure sex is cool, but have you ever farted away a stomachache?

63 shares on Discord this month:

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I once made a joke to a coworker, and she said, “It was the funniest thing I ever said,” and suggested I post it. It got 10 likes.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I start each day assuming it will be horrible and go from there.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Why hasn’t Lululemon created a bra-line named Lulumelons?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Old people get so mad when you’re young and tired.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite Slipknot member is the one who wears the mask.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I should have been a Librarian, my favorite thing to do is telling people to shut up.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I know breakfastless behavior when I see it.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My taste in music ranges from “You’ve gotta listen to this” to “I know, please don’t judge me.”

22 folks are currently checking 👀

My therapist is fluffy and walks on four paws.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,570

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

HR is giving me a hard time because I’ve been starting all my work emails with “Dearly Beloved”.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

The older I get, the more I respect Sleeping Beauty. She took one look at the world and said, “Nah.”

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

The problem with salad is, it’s salad.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

It’s okay to love your job. Just know it doesn’t love you back.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

“I’m at a point in my life where my favorite thing to do is nothing.”

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

A frightening number of young people alive today don’t know about Knight Rider.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

What are some good jobs for someone with no passions, interests, motivation, social skills, or strengths?

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Despite popular opinion, dating apps are NOT for dating. They are for finding people to watch your Instagram story for years and years.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Imagine how organized the first person to write down a recipe must have been.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Learning to be Alpha from YouTube.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Marriage is so scary. What do you mean I can’t have my own room?

Live now on Threads:

Tequila won’t fix your life, but it’s worth a shot.

Trending via Threads:

Heartbreaking: Introvert sentenced to 100 hours of hanging out.

Trending via Twitch:

People always love to claim that a celebrity’s death is “unexpected”, but they never actually release the data on which celebrities they expected to die that day.

Going bananas on Twitch:

They were called “TV programs” because they were literally programming us, bro.

Making waves on Slack:

Extrovert self made too many plans and now introvert self is pissed.

Just shared via Messenger:

British people be like “It’s Chewsday, innit?”

Seen just now on YouTube:

Most puns make me feel numb, but math puns make me feel number.

Going viral on TikTok:

I’m so glad when summer is over and I finally don’t have to see any feet on the internet anymore.

Just shared via Telegram:

No show does a misunderstanding / miscommunication plot better than Modern Family does.

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