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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

I assume people who bookmark my posts are building a case against me.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

What I’m trying to say is, “Hello, here’s my entire heart and all of my devotion.”

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Your honor, I have a role to play as the black sheep of the family.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Love to go to hipster restaurants and eat half a grilled cheese off an old license plate.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

The quality of clothing at retail stores today is quite literally the quality that Halloween costumes used to be.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

The only thing that could possibly put a smile on my face is a Sharpie.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

I’m so embarrassed by the paragraphs I used to send expressing my feelings.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

They are all liars, so just pick the tallest and enjoy.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Blowing kisses to my coworkers so that nobody talks to me today.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Maybe your dog is barking at my luggage because he doesn’t enjoy his job, officer.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,381

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Reddit:

“You’re so chill.” Thanks, I gave up.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

If I had The Force, I’d just use it to open pistachios.

Going viral on Reddit:

I’m not super into getting older but I do like how nobody asks me to help them move anymore.

Trending via Instagram:

I’m broke — I got money, but it’s for responsibilities.

Trending via Discord:

I’m at that point on a Monday where no.

Seen just now on Messenger:

My brain logged me out due to inactivity, and I can’t remember the password.

Broadcasted on X:

How old were you when you realized others couldn’t see the matrix?

Spotted on Messenger:

They should invent a small lifestyle change that has an instantaneous, huge payoff.

Seen just now on Twitch:

You have a bucket list, I have my head in a bucket, we are not the same.

Shared recently on Twitch:

It’s way too easy to lie online. I was just telling Beyoncé about that the other day.

Adding geologist to my resume after hitting rock bottom.

1 day ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text about turning life's lows into a geology pun for humor.

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Commentary:
Digging deep into the job market, one rock at a time! 🪨😅📉

after, bottom, career, geologist, hitting, humor, motivation, pun, resume, rock, rock bottom, self-improvement

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Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on YouTube this month:

My desire to be informed is currently at odds with my desire to remain sane.

82 shares on Messenger this month:

Some people feel like unpaid actors in my sitcom called “What Fresh Chaos Is This?”

11 shares on Telegram this month:

Does your life really flash before your eyes or is it just your brain closing all open tabs one last time.

31 shares on Slack this month:

I was really happy about it being Friday until I realized it was only Wednesday.

98 shares on YouTube this month:

Every morning I regret why I didn’t sleep earlier the night before.

41 shares on Snapchat this month:

Good morning, especially if they tried to make you go to rehab and you said “no, no, no.”

64 shares on X this month:

If you think I’m rude, you should hear the voices in my head.

53 shares on Threads this month:

Today my coworker asked if I wanted to hold her new baby and neither of us were prepared for me saying why?

99 shares on Threads this month:

Twitter is the only place you argue with CEOs and heads of states while sleeping in the kitchen.

58 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s important that everyone takes really good pictures of me this summer.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Serious replies to silly posts are now illegal. Go talk to your wife.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

I need a horror movie where a kidnapper abducts a possessed child and finds out.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

I am a fool everyday, I don’t need a holiday for it.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

The heels stay on during sex because I only painted the toe nails that were showing.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m not making any resolutions. I think it’s time for the years to be better, not me.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

What an awful time to be even remotely aware of what is going on in the world.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

I love when my cat sighs at me, like what’s got you stressed out my little freeloading homicidal maniac!?

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

All the smart people at the office are worried about being replaced by A.I., but not me. I’m safe until they invent Artificial Stupidity.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

I hope you catch the bouquet at my funeral.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Horoscope: You will give blood generously this week, but it won’t be your idea.

Just landed via Discord:

You know it’s bad when people start telling you that you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

Just landed via Discord:

My doctor no longer prescribes me Viagra. He just left me hanging.

Just shared via Instagram:

Not to be dramatic, but learning how to read has ruined my life.

Trending via Snapchat:

Adulting is only fun when you have the funds.

Going bananas on Telegram:

I hate it when I do the math about where my money went, and it all adds up. No one robbed me; I didn’t lose it. It was really all me.

Just landed via Reddit:

Be the horrifying lore of your family’s lineage.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I hate math, but I love counting money.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Some people are like “I’m a people pleaser,” and not a single person is pleased with them.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Have to wear real clothes on Monday. Pray for me.

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Activity Log ✨

Adding geologist to my resume after hitting rock bottom.

Therapists probably have to struggle so hard not to ask to see pictures of the people their clients are obsessing over.

Maybe women decided to convince men that beards were sexy because they were sick of cleaning the washbasin after he shaved.

Chuck Norris can rub two fires together to get a piece of wood.

Asked a German girl for her number, and I’m still waiting for the rest of the digits. So far, all I have is “nine.”

Fun fact: sexual tension is more fun than the sex itself.

I was in Paris with a boyfriend once and he lit a candle in Notre Dame in order to ask God to raise the price of Bitcoin.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Adding geologist to my resume after hitting rock bottom.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Therapists probably have to struggle so hard not to ask to see pictures of the people their clients are obsessing over.

Maybe women decided to convince men that beards were sexy because they were sick of cleaning the washbasin after he shaved.

Chuck Norris can rub two fires together to get a piece of wood.

Asked a German girl for her number, and I’m still waiting for the rest of the digits. So far, all I have is “nine.”

Fun fact: sexual tension is more fun than the sex itself.

I was in Paris with a boyfriend once and he lit a candle in Notre Dame in order to ask God to raise the price of Bitcoin.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨