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Cheers to all who skipped that one dish at Thanksgiving because you just didnโ€™t trust the person who brought it.

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Thatโ€™s not my girl bestie, thatโ€™s my platonic wife.

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Find someone who looks at you the way I look at a cheeseburger.

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Imagine playing Truth or Dare and they dare you to go home.

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If I eat a magnet, will I become more attractive?

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A genie that does my bidding would fix me.

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I wish every day had 30,000 hours, and that I had unlimited Adderall and was unemployed.

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Kids these days don’t know the shame of having to explain yo-yo injuries.

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Did anyone ask the daylight if it wanted to be saved?

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Having a toddler is wild. I’m getting breaking news about Peppa Pig.

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All the stops on the bus are pointless, except the one Iโ€™m getting off at.

All the stops on the bus are pointless, except the one Iโ€™m getting off at.

Commentary:
Seems like this bus thinks it's an art critic, stopping only for the masterpieces! ๐ŸŽจ๐ŸšŒ๐Ÿ˜„

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