Beds are always the coziest when it’s time to get up and you don’t want to.

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So many mistakes to make, so little time.

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If you catch me smiling at you, chances are I am plotting my revenge.

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If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the work of 3-5 people.

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I was going to warn my kids about the repercussions of drugs and alcohol until I realized that they in fact were the repercussions of drugs and alcohol.

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I just borrowed some money from a cash app, now I’m about to uninstall it.

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You wake up at 6 a.m. and it’s like you have 48 hours instead of 24.

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I hope this out-of-office message finds you well.