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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

Asked a German girl for her number, and I’m still waiting for the rest of the digits. So far, all I have is “nine.”

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

I believe in annoyed at first sight.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

A true friend is someone who thinks you’re a good egg, even though they know you’re slightly cracked.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

Holding it together with duct tape and sarcasm.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Once you realize that the general public is retarded, you stop caring about how crazy you look to them.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

I don’t weigh myself because most scales don’t know how heavy all the grudges I’m holding onto are.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

My girlfriend confided in me she loves when I blow air on her when she’s hot, but honestly, I’m not a fan.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

A garlic a day keeps people away.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Roses are red, I’m staying in bed. I’ve made no plans, besides pretending I’m dead.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

I wish every day had 30,000 hours, and that I had unlimited Adderall and was unemployed.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,498

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

I want to be so rich that when I see a spider in my house I won’t kill it, I’d buy another house.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Now that I got a library card, I’m moving differently.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Hey, sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.

Seen just now on Discord:

Just paid my bills. The only thing left on my card is my name and expiration date.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someone’s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.

Just landed via Telegram:

Hey babe, wanna come over and fold me like a fitted sheet?

Just shared via Discord:

Woke up feeling not too shabby for a 60-year-old. The only problem is I’m still in my 40s.

Making waves on X:

Don’t tell me what to do unless you are naked.

Making waves on Instagram:

I’m at that age where someone can call me the wrong name and I’m just like “whatever, I’ll be Dan for a minute”.

Spotted on TikTok:

Wine drunk doesn’t even make itself known. You’re just relaxed, and then, all of a sudden, you feel sexier.

Before I started my own business, I would suffer from anxiety on Sunday nights. But now that I run my own business, I have anxiety every night.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Every night is just another chance for my anxiety to throw a party and forget to invite sleep! 🎉😅💼

anxiety, before, business, entrepreneur, every, humor, i, night, nights, own, run, small, small business, stress, suffer, Sunday, Sunday night, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Death by a thousand stupid questions.

0

3 weeks ago

death, exaggeration, frustration, humor, question, questions, sarcasm, stupid
People think I’m a minimalist, but I’m just broke.

0

2 months ago

broke, humor, irony, just, lifestyle, minimalist, money, people, think
Striking gold in your 40s: finding a close parking spot that’s in the shade on a hot summer day.

0

2 months ago

40s, close, day, everyday, everyday struggle, finding, gold, hot, hot day, humor, luck, parking, patience, relatable, shade, spot, struggle, summer
Don’t you hate it when you lose things? Like the motivation to do anything.

0

2 months ago

anything, doing, hate, humor, lose, losing, motivation, procrastination, things
Yes, my sex drive is higher than my will to live, and what about it?

0

2 months ago

desire, drive, existential, humor, joke, life, live, relationship, sex, sex drive, will to live, yes
Beginning my getting out of bed journey this morning.

0

2 months ago

bed, beginning, daily, daily routine, getting, getting out of bed, humor, journey, morning, routine

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

41 shares on Snapchat this month:

I wonder if babies know that we are more terrified of them than they are of us.

47 shares on YouTube this month:

Of all her outfits, my shirt and no underwear will always be my favorite.

47 shares on Threads this month:

Marriage is between two people: one person who is on the verge of sleep and one person who is asking if the front door is locked.

56 shares on Pinterest this month:

Egg nog was invented in Germany back in 1816 when Baron von Heldebrandt reportedly said “Hey guys, let’s get this custard drunk!”

60 shares on Facebook this month:

I see stand-up comedy as a stepping stone to television. A few more paid gigs and I’ll be able to afford a television.

35 shares on YouTube this month:

If we date and break up, you gotta unlearn all my lingo and cool shit that I taught you. You gotta go back to being lame.

64 shares on Slack this month:

Bone broth? Oh, you mean skeleton soup.

55 shares on Twitch this month:

My childhood led me to believe that as an adult I’d have to contend with truth serum, lava, quicksand, trap doors, and secret passageways. So far it’s mostly been weight gain and existential dread.

83 shares on Instagram this month:

More candlelight, less gaslight, babe.

58 shares on Threads this month:

Pretty sure they’re naming prescription drugs by just grabbing random Scrabble tiles. “Oh hey, Qdilrox sounds good.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

If you sweat while you eat, it should count as a workout.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

When you’re dead, you don’t know that you’re dead. But it’s hard for those around you. It’s the same when you’re stupid.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

I have a drawer in my kitchen that I can’t open anymore because of that one time I decided to put a spatula in it.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Why are these idiots only giving robots two arms?

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Men used to go to war, now they want to be the little spoon.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Architects should try and design a house with no yelling.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

The awkward moment when someone’s zipper is down and you don’t know whether to tell them or not.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

I wish every day had 30,000 hours, and that I had unlimited Adderall and was unemployed.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

The easiest way to shop with kids is not to.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

If there was a pill for procrastination… I’d probably take it tomorrow.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

In the American Bible, Eve was made from part of a McRib.

Live now on Facebook:

Whenever I’m willing to sell my soul, there’s usually food involved.

Trending via YouTube:

Me attempting to flirt: So do you like doing things?

Going viral on Threads:

Sorry I didn’t get you an anniversary card, babe, but you opted in to paperless affection on our third date.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I bet the guy who named the sperm whale wasn’t allowed to name things anymore after that.

Freshly posted on Discord:

You know how a dog tilts his head and looks confused when he hears a strange sound? Yeah, that’s how I feel when some people are talking.

Shared recently on Reddit:

You can have glossy lips or you can have a cat. You can’t have both.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

May life treat you exactly the same way you treat servers, store clerks, senior citizens, children, and animals.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

No pre-workout, just flashbacks of stuff I let slide.

Live now on X:

My doctor told me to try a milk bath. Adding the Cinnamon Toast Crunch was my idea.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Before I started my own business, I would suffer from anxiety on Sunday nights. But now that I run my own business, I have anxiety every night.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Death by a thousand stupid questions.

People think I’m a minimalist, but I’m just broke.

Striking gold in your 40s: finding a close parking spot that’s in the shade on a hot summer day.

Don’t you hate it when you lose things? Like the motivation to do anything.

Yes, my sex drive is higher than my will to live, and what about it?

Beginning my getting out of bed journey this morning.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨