Can we change the phrase “Can I be frank with you” to “Can I be william with you”? I don’t want to be Frank.

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The only thing that has grown faster than rents in recent years is the overtime we have to work to pay them.

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You know it’s a fancy restaurant when you have to point at what you want on the menu because you can’t pronounce the name.

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You’re in her DMs, she’s in my bed whining that it’s too cold. Can you come get her?

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Scrolling should count as cardio.

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Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

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Getting older just means that you have to start eating all the sad foods.

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Car rides by yourself with loud music… they’re good for the soul.