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Commentary:
"Who needs a scale when you can measure your self-worth in cupcakes per day instead? Doctor's orders: one cupcake a day keeps the negativity away!"

body, body image, doctor, humor, image, life, negativity, office, scale, self-care

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I have thought one billion times about everything.

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3 months ago

billion, everything, exaggeration, humor, hyperbole, i, overthinking, thinking, thought, times
You wear a white shirt and all of a sudden everybody wants to go eat spaghetti.

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2 months ago

attention, date, dining, eat, fashion, food, humor, mess, shirt, spaghetti, wants, wear, white
Relationship status: you’d think something called a Roomba would be a better dancer.

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2 months ago

better, cleaning, dancer, humor, relationship, Roomba, something, status, technology, think
If I ever have a daughter, I’m going to call her Erica, but spell it Airwrecka.

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2 months ago

Airwrecka, call, daughter, Erica, ever, going, humor, i, name, spell, spelling
Thank you, Facebook memories, for constantly reminding me of the shitty taste in men I had for the majority of my life.

0

2 months ago

bad, bad relationship, dating, Facebook, Facebook memory, humor, i, life, love, love life, majority, me, memory, men, regret, relationship, taste, thank
Naturally introverted, selectively extroverted.

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2 months ago

balance, extrovert, humor, introvert, naturally, nature, personality, social

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

39 shares on YouTube this month:

Men look so amazing for people who use the same product for their teeth, hair, floor and car washing.

30 shares on Pinterest this month:

Just once I’d like to hear a doctor say, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

69 shares on X this month:

Why do plane tickets have to be so expensive? You’re literally going that way anyway. Just give me a ride.

98 shares on Telegram this month:

Stop roasting yourself, you’re not a marshmallow.

19 shares on Messenger this month:

Sometimes I do something completely out of character, like say no to a slice of pizza, or trust someone.

22 shares on Messenger this month:

Welcome to your 40s: that “teenager”over there is actually 27.

19 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Youngest siblings are literally weaponized incompetence, final boss.

25 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Ponytails are only hot on women, bro.

93 shares on Snapchat this month:

“Angry on the internet” is such an unfortunate personality.

76 shares on Slack this month:

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Please no requests for a threesome. If I want to disappoint two people at the same time, I’ll visit my parents.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

Ironically, the Internet was invented to save time.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

My favorite part about being sick is when you sneeze with a cough drop in your mouth and it launches across the room like a cruise missile.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

My favorite things about Twitter are that everything you read is true, everyone is nice, and all intentions are pure of heart.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

I apologize to my future son for the delay, but it’s just your mom ain’t replying.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

I could low-key really use a wish right now.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice-cream.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

If you want to know who the bad guys are, it is the side who wants you arrested for memes and jokes.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

“This too shall pass!” Okay, but like, when exactly?

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

Babe, is everything OK? You’ve barely accomplished anything at all in your entire life.

Trending via Pinterest:

Having hoes in different area codes sounds really exhausting.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Ants can be found on every continent except Antarctica, which is weird considering their name.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I hate small cars that disguise themselves as free parking spaces and drop their masks as soon as you pull up in front of them.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I’m the product of too much television and zero supervision.

Spotted on Slack:

They need to invent a job for people who aren’t good at anything nor motivated nor social.

Trending via WeChat:

You should never forget where you came from. That’s probably where your keys are.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Putting your wedding scrapbook in the little free library is an unprecedented level of divorced.

Making waves on Discord:

People that I dislike shouldn’t be allowed to consume the media that I like.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Adulting has stunned me into silence. I have no thoughts, no remarks and no commentary at the moment.

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Activity Log ✨

Declined stepping on the scale at the doctor’s office because no one needs that kind of negativity in her life.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I have thought one billion times about everything.

You wear a white shirt and all of a sudden everybody wants to go eat spaghetti.

Relationship status: you’d think something called a Roomba would be a better dancer.

If I ever have a daughter, I’m going to call her Erica, but spell it Airwrecka.

Thank you, Facebook memories, for constantly reminding me of the shitty taste in men I had for the majority of my life.

Naturally introverted, selectively extroverted.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨