Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

“Each to their own!” Translation: You’re wrong, but never mind.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Life is short, unless you’re listening to a kid describing an episode of PAW Patrol.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

The worst part about being in your 40s is the 10 years of listening to people say, “Wait till you’re 50.”

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

I run a parody bank account.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

I don’t know what kind of sex makes y’all want a joint bank account, but I ain’t had it yet.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

I hate when people tell me I need to “get out of my comfort zone,” like I don’t even have a comfort zone; I am literally always uncomfortable.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

Why do you assume it’s invalid to “make stuff up” during an argument? It shows initiative and creativity.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Everybody loves that comfort food until you end up with that comfort body.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Anyone who says there are no stupid questions is welcome to drop by my office. My colleagues will prove you wrong.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Jan 6, 2026

3,609

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

If I got possessed demonically, I wouldn’t even notice it. With everything else I’ve got going on.

Going viral on Slack:

Shopping at the dollar store makes me feel rich and poor all at the same time.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Cheer up! Your biggest mistake is probably still ahead of you.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I love reaching into my messy bag looking for something and everyone around me hears like glass breaking and bombs going off and a cat meowing from inside there.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Lady just asked me what “mansplaining” is. I think it’s a trap. We’ve been staring at each other in silence for half an hour.

Shared recently on Threads:

Sexting is hilarious, when you think about it. Like, this email truly should’ve been a meeting.

Making waves on Reddit:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but that much caffeine can’t be good for you.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

It probably feels so good to ram your head into something as a cat.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Pursuing an academic career is like thinking the stripper loves you.

Shared recently on Slack:

Whoever’s praying on my downfall, I appreciate you thinking of me.

Doing dishes is like fighting a hydra — wash one, and two more appear.

5 months ago

0

Doing dishes is like fighting a hydra — wash one, and two more appear.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Every time I do the dishes, I'm surprised I don't level up like in a video game! 🎮🧼🗡️

appear, chore, cleaning, creature, dish, dishes, doing, fighting, frustration, household, humor, hydra, mythological, mythological creature, wash, washing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

3

2 weeks ago

car, car repair, carey, cd, Christmas, Christmas CD, fine, holiday, holiday music, making, mariah, Mariah Carey, mechanic, music, noise, repair, terrible
Sexting is hilarious, when you think about it. Like, this email truly should’ve been a meeting.

0

2 months ago

communication, email, hilarious, humor, meeting, sexting, think, truly
The funniest thing about 28 Years Later is that the rest of the world just went “Uhm, anyway!” and carried on as normal, while the Brits live in hell.

0

2 days ago

28, 28 Years Later, Brit, culture, hell, humor, just, later, live, normal, reaction, rest, thing, while, world, year’s
You can say “Have a nice day,” no problem, but saying “Enjoy the next 24 hours” sounds vaguely threatening.

0

2 months ago

day, enjoy, expression, greeting, hours, humor, language, next, nice, phrase, problem, say, saying, sounds, threat, threatening, time
Half of all the problems in life can be solved by duct tape. For the rest, you’re gonna have to reboot that computer.

0

2 months ago

computer, duct, duct tape, humor, life, problems, reboot, rest, solution, tape
I was not prepared for my knees to sound like someone is breaking spaghetti noodles in half every time I go up the stairs.

0

2 months ago

aging, breaking, humor, i, knees, noise, prepared, someone, sound, spaghetti, stairs, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t like this new trend of old people wearing shirts of bands I listened to when I was a kid.

77 shares on Messenger this month:

Messages are way funnier when you know how that person talks.

88 shares on Reddit this month:

Why is it called Christian community and not Holyfans?

50 shares on Snapchat this month:

“Topless” doesn’t always mean breasts or a convertible. Sometimes it also means the brain.

22 shares on Discord this month:

Seeking a date so intense even the candles are sweating.

48 shares on YouTube this month:

Remember when we were kids and did everything we could to grow up? We were so stupid!

26 shares on LinkedIn this month:

3 friends is enough. 1 for the movie theater, 1 for drinks and apps, 1 for texting concerning mental health information.

14 shares on Discord this month:

If men didn’t exist, I would simply go for a 2 a.m. walk every night and listen to music in my AirPods.

58 shares on YouTube this month:

Tornados are just a bunch of ghosts fighting over a cow.

43 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Stop checking up on your friends, and check up on me.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s just one legitimate synonym for Friday: boom shakalaka.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My husband told me that he used my sock trick on a recent trip, so he wouldn’t lose any. Reader, my “sock trick” is rolling matching pairs together.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish we were cats so you could just randomly slap co-workers for no reason.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I just want what every middle-aged person wants: to remember what it was that I wanted.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul, even if it’s cold, over ice, with a celery stalk and vodka.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

This economy requires two hustlers working together – not a hustler and a leech. It’s too expensive to be out here carrying dead weight.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Self-care is putting your face on a very soft cat.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Thank God for headphones and day dreaming.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I want you to know that whatever problems you’re having, I’m hear to ‘like’ them.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Why the hell did they name them ‘Soldier ants’ and not ‘Combatants’?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,272

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

I’m not just a pretty face, I’m also a massive disappointment to my family.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

Attention: will the owner of a small blue planet with tectonic plates please attend to your vehicle. It is overheating.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

Whenever you are feeling down, remember you’re the sperm that won.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Sunday is my favorite day where I pretend I’m going to do something productive.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Too shy for influencing. Too dumb for crypto. Too honest for a scam. Too lazy for 9-5. How can I make money?

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

I’ll be honest. I can’t solve your problems. What I can do is create new, bigger problems that will make your current problems seem quaint by comparison.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

How is every author the #1 New York Times bestseller?

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

I wish I was born into wealth so I could have a nice 1-bedroom apartment.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Reoccurring dreams be like: ‘I dunno, here’s a rerun’

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

“You smell so good!” Okay, so kiss me.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Threads:

Did you know that if you listen to any Black Sabbath album backwards, you can hear them singing backwards?

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Born to be a frolicker of the forest, forced to be a cog in the machine.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I hate when I turn my car on in the morning and the music starts blasting, and I am like, “Whoooah, big fella, I’m not the same person I was last night.”

Just shared via Discord:

Going to the gym for my health and wellbeing? No, I just wanna look good naked.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Spending money on disappointing food is a different type of pain.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

“We will go ahead and make these changes if we don’t hear from you before Friday” is such an elegant way to solve problems.

Live now on Telegram:

Gonna close my bank account and keep all my money on me, like Sonic the Hedgehog.

Just landed via Twitch:

I was about to stop overthinking, then I thought of a giraffe having a sore throat.

Spotted on TikTok:

Lazy Rule: Can’t reach it, don’t need it.

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴