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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Grant me the serenity to supernaturally change the things I cannot accept.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

If lying was a job some people would be billionaires.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

I wonder if Van Halen realized they were writing music just to lift weights to.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

User: the word computer professionals use when they mean ‘idiot.’

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

You know you’re mature when you go to the dentist and you are no longer afraid of pain, but of how much it costs.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

“I” before “E,” except when your foreign neighbor Keith receives eight counterfeit beige sleighs from weird, feisty, caffeinated weightlifters.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

“You look tired”. No, I’m just ugly.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

I’ll kill the vibe, so you don’t have to.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

One thing no one mentions about being an adult is how much time you debate with yourself over keeping a cardboard box because it’s a really good box.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,554

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

There’s no one I respect more than duck hunters. You spent $15,000 on a camouflage boat to outsmart a duck.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I love when my grandma texts me — because I know it took her an hour.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Raising a teenager is like nailing pudding to the wall.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Nightmares are so embarrassing. Why is my anxiety working the night shift?

Freshly posted on Instagram:

You don’t have to be crazy to hang out with me. I’ll train you.

Making waves on Slack:

One time I refused to buy a watch because it was only waterproof to 100 meters. Not sure what sort of future I was imagining for myself there.

Just landed via TikTok:

Shutting up is gluten-free. Maybe add that to your diet, princess.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I’m only an introvert until I meet people worth extroverting with.

Spotted on Reddit:

Probably always gonna be the weirdo that believes in magic.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Please stop assuming that too many em dashes mean AI written. Some of us are producing grammatically incoherent work the honest way!

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always known I wanted to be a woman with a lot of money when I grew up.

3 weeks ago

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Commentary:
Living the dream, one imaginary dollar at a time 💸😂✨

always, ambition, aspiration, childhood, ever, girl, humor, i, little, lot, money, wanted, woman

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I wish laying in bed all day made me rich.

0

2 months ago

bed, day, dream, humor, i, irony, laying, lazy, me, rich, wish
Hey man, your fly is down. Let me get that for you.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward moment, embarrassment, fly, friendship, humor, joke, let, man, me, moment
I hate when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

0

2 months ago

actor, comedy, fitness, gain, hate, humor, i, irony, pounds, realize, role, weight
Forever grateful that thought bubbles aren’t a real thing.

0

2 months ago

bubble, forever, gratitude, humor, imagination, real, reality, reflection, thing, thought, thought bubble
I’m going spiraling, do you need anything?

0

2 months ago

anything, casual, casual inquiry, funny situation, going, humor, inquiry, need, situation, spiraling
If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.

0

2 months ago

back, delay, humor, joke, just, minutes, patience, return, time, wait

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on Facebook this month:

Spilling hot coffee on your lap wakes you up faster than drinking it.

52 shares on Instagram this month:

American Feng Shui is when the grill doesn’t wobble.

46 shares on X this month:

Sorry, I can’t tonight. I’m busy taking things personally.

36 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m waiting for the perfect moment to stop procrastinating.

42 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m the kind of introvert who dodges phone calls but sends paragraphs in texts.

90 shares on Reddit this month:

A little 9-5 with a little fraud on the side is the only way you gone survive in this world.

35 shares on Telegram this month:

Whatever y’all heard about me, I’m way worse.

25 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My secret talent is turning any situation into a considerably more awkward one.

52 shares on Snapchat this month:

Replying to all emails with “ya think?”.

33 shares on X this month:

So, you’re telling me I’m just supposed to get up every day and keep living like this? Seems like a scam to me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will be acting weird today.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Apparently, I’m not even going through a lot; I just need money.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Adulting is when you realize that all you need is a home, stable income and a peaceful partner.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

Tonight I wanted to stop drinking but then I remembered the owner of the pub has a family to feed.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

I need a horror movie where a kidnapper abducts a possessed child and finds out.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

People who don’t admit their mistakes disgust me. I would absolutely admit to a mistake if I had ever made one.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Do you ever wake up in the morning and you’re just like… no.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Probably the most depressed I’ve ever been in my life, except for a bunch of other times.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

You learn a lot about someone when you marry them. For example, I learned I should have married someone else.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

At least I can say I tried. I didn’t try, but I can say I did.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

That masculine urge to completely avoid relationships until you get your life together.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Hair is washed. I am finally lovable and capable of loving again.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Trying to work outside on a laptop is like sunbathing on a melting ice cube.

Making waves on Slack:

Not to brag, but what a time to be childless.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I’m only awake because my coffee needs me.

Going bananas on Messenger:

I’m already cold. I know me and my low iron ain’t gonna survive winter.

Going viral on WeChat:

Wow, I absolutely love your outfit. The black really brings out the pet hair on it.

Going viral on X:

I think adults need summer vacation. Like, let’s just close down all our jobs for three months and play outside. Please. I’m so tired.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Oh, I didn’t tell you? Must have been none of your business, then.

Shared recently on Threads:

People who cook breakfast before going to work are too mature for me.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always known I wanted to be a woman with a lot of money when I grew up.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I wish laying in bed all day made me rich.

Hey man, your fly is down. Let me get that for you.

I hate when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

Forever grateful that thought bubbles aren’t a real thing.

I’m going spiraling, do you need anything?

If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨