Commentary:
When your health bar is low but your spirits need a boost: 🍺✨ Cheers to magical potions! 😂
27 Funny called quotes
What’s it called when you mentally want to be horny but you’re physically not at all?
Commentary:
When your brain's ready to party but your body's already in pajamas mode 😴🎉😅
Male barista called me “my love” yesterday and didn’t say it today… getting mixed signals and feeling really upset.
Commentary:
Having trouble with my coffee relationship status… yesterday we were "my love," today we're just "regulars" ☕💔😆
If Stranger Things was British, it would be called ‘Bit odd, innit?’
Commentary:
That's spot on, mate! I reckon the Demogorgon would pop over for tea and biscuits instead 🍪👾🇬🇧
My wife called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work. I asked her how she knew it was on its way to work. She hung up on me.
Commentary:
Foxes need coffee too! ☕🦊 Sounds like someone just got outfoxed by their own joke! 😂📞
“I’m disgusted by how many of you still use Spotify. I use a fair trade, ethically conscientious mom-and-pop platform called Apple Music.”
Commentary:
I can only listen to music from my pet's playlist now—it's the only truly ethical choice! 🎵🐶📱
For a guy supposedly called my “brother,” I’ve never seen him make broth even once.
Commentary:
Not a single broth brewed… should we file for a name change? 🥣❌🔄😄
You don’t become cooler with age, but you do care progressively less about being cool, which is the only true way of being cool. This is called the Geezer’s Paradox.
Commentary:
Finally discovered the secret to being cool—just stop caring! Who knew wrinkles came with wisdom and swag? 😎🎉 #GeezerGoals
Being called ‘my love’ is probably the cutest thing, like yes, that’s me. I’m the one you love. I’m the only one you love. I’m your love. Say it again.
Commentary:
Aww, someone call the cheese factory because this is getting extra cheesy! 🧀💕 All aboard the love train, choo choo! 🚂❤️
I’m inventing a website for unemployed people called LinkedOut.
Commentary:
Sounds like a network where the only boss is your couch! 🛋️😂