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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Sunday is my favorite day to invent new things to worry about.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Studies show that sleepwalking has decreased among Americans over the last 10 years. Typical lazy Americans.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Maybe the reason Miss Piggy is still single is she has a fear of kermitment.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

I think during winter we should also get to work less hours in a day, just like the sun.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Adulting looked way more affordable in the 90’s. I feel scammed.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

According to the amount of bacon I just cooked, I’m 4 people.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

If only my bank balance was as high as my daily calorie intake.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

When the client says: “make it pop”, I have to ask myself whether he means my mind or the project.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Some days you feel like you’re surrounded by idiots, other days you realize it’s not just some days.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

If sex was strictly meant for procreation, why did God make it feel so good?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

786 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,948

Funny Quotes Topics

13,918

Funny Quotes Images

10,948

36 minutes ago

3,427

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WhatsApp:

I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Whenever І wake up and see that someone has wrіtten a bunch of funny posts before noon, І assume they are a mornіng drіnker.

Trending via WeChat:

Children are so giving. For example, my kids gave me a cold.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

The part right before bench pressing when you’re laying down but not lifting is so good.

Just landed via Instagram:

Some of these fake tans look like an old Tupperware container that’s had marinara sauce in it.

Seen just now on WeChat:

We go together like coffee and cigarettes.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Can’t stand British posts on my timeline. “I bought this for four squids and a halfpenny!” What the hell are you talking about?

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Thank God my pets can’t talk. They simply know too much.

Just landed via Pinterest:

To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!

Shared recently on Reddit:

My body is like an elastic band – no matter how I stretch it, it goes back to the nap position.

Home » Funny Die Quotes » Page 6

56 Funny die quotes

More funny die quotes 👇

6 months ago
Share →: When I die I want people to say “Hmm, I didn’t know you could die like that.”

Commentary:
"Planning a grand exit, eh? 💥 Just when you thought you’d seen it all, in comes a plot twist! 🎬😂 Always keeping us on our toes, even in the afterlife! 👻 #UnexpectedDemise"
6 months ago
Share →: When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.

Commentary:
"Imagine the satisfaction of causing traffic jams and slow commutes in your afterlife as a rebellious speed bump! 😈🚗 Just make sure to bring your 'Slow Down' sign to complete the look! 😂 #SpeedBumpRevenge"
6 months ago
Share →: I hope we’re good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.

Commentary:
"Friendship goals level: Ghost Mode 👻👯‍♂️ Who needs emojis for text messages when you can haunt people together for eternity? 🙌 #FriendshipGoals #SquadGhouls"
6 months ago
Share →: People always love to claim that a celebrity’s death is “unexpected”, but they never actually release the data on which celebrities they expected to die that day.

Commentary:
"Breaking news: Celebrities defy expectations by not following your daily death predictions! Stay tuned for more shocking revelations 🤯📺 #ExpectTheUnexpected"
6 months ago
Share →: Laying next to my charger waiting for my phone to die, that’s how lazy I am.

Commentary:
"Ah, the ultimate test of laziness – lying next to your charger, embracing the inevitable demise of your phone's battery 😂🔋 #LazyGoals"
6 months ago
Share →: Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Commentary:
"Reading health books can be a risky business… One wrong piece of advice and you might end up six feet under! 📚⚠️💀 Better stick to self-diagnosing with the internet, right? 😉"

For even more funny die quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny die quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

786 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,948

Funny Quotes Topics

13,918

Funny Quotes Images

10,948

36 minutes ago

3,433

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

I passed my genetic engineering exam with flying koalas.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

A murder on the dance floor would explain the panic! at the disco.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

“It is what it is,” I say, not really knowing what it actually is.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m sorry for setting the impossible standards that the rest of you try to live up to.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

It’s not even a crush. it’s just unsupervised hope.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Adulthood means trying to convince yourself that the font is just too small and that it isn’t your eyesight going bad.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Life on other planets be like: “I hope those lunatics don’t discover us!”

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Went out of town, came back and the roomba changed all the locks.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

You can’t hurt me. You’re not how I look first thing in the morning.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m already spoiled… please don’t come into my life trying to unspoil me.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

There are a few certainties in this life: death, taxes and when a Canadian tells you it’s cold out, it’s cold out.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Sometimes you just gotta say LOL and move on.

Just landed via Twitch:

I wish that reading books in the park were my job, and I got paid six figures for it.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I’m not drinking 2% milk until we figure out what the other 98% is.

Live now on Slack:

If they played poker with potato chips, I’d have a gambling problem.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

You look like the type of person that would fart in bed and Dutch Oven yourself.

Seen just now on X:

I’m not lazy, I’m waiting for inspiration to hit me… should be here any time now.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I’m drinking coffee so I don’t say mean things to you. You’re welcome.

Trending via Snapchat:

How long does it take for an apple to turn brown after you cut it? Never mind.

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