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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡¬ has shared:

Born to say β€œare you f*****g stupid”, forced to say β€œwow, I’ve never thought about it like that before”.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ό has shared:

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am at work.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Ώ has shared:

The person who invented butter really understood humans.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡© has bookmarked:

When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡Ώ has downloaded:

All my passwords are protected by short term memory loss.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡» has bookmarked:

Betrayal only comes from someone we’re close to. Just like herpes.

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡΄ has shared:

Behind every strong, independent woman… is a dog that follows her to the bathroom.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡³ has viewed:

Alcohol: When you want to run away from your problems without moving.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡΄ has bookmarked:

Guy inventing jogging: how can I suffer, but with music?

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡© has copied:

If you’re gonna spend so much time in my head, would it kill you to tidy up a bit?

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,708

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Going viral on Snapchat:

My savings account has been empty for so long that a Spirit Halloween just opened up inside it.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I changed my Facebook name to “Benefits.” Now, when people add me, it says, “You are now friends with benefits.”

Breaking via Slack:

I’m too tired to shower. Anyone want to wash my back?

Seen just now on WeChat:

I know there are bigger problems in the world right now, but I’ve just realized I’ve never seen a baby seagull.

Just shared via Discord:

Pitching a sitcom where all the top people running a major city have been arrested and by chain of command the person in charge is now a librarian.

Just landed via Facebook:

I don’t have a nervous system, I am a nervous system.

Just landed via Telegram:

I hated rats even before my girlfriend left me for one.

Just landed via Reddit:

β€œYou live and you learn!” Bro, I don’t want to do either of those things.

Making waves on WeChat:

If idiots could fly, TikTok would be an airport.

Shared recently on Discord:

Telling your parents about your problems is like adding another problem to your life.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on Slack this month:

My toxic trait is that I expect people to have common sense, and I get mad when they don’t.

80 shares on Reddit this month:

Sure, I’m uncomfortable, but only in situations.

26 shares on X this month:

I’ve been alive my whole life, and not once have I seen a commercial for Chinese food.

88 shares on Slack this month:

Nephew showed me his toys on FaceTime, and I had no toys to show him back. Humiliating.

88 shares on WeChat this month:

My favorite part of fall is when the mosquitoes go back to hell.

53 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s been a pleasure miscommunicating with you.

14 shares on Snapchat this month:

Things will be fine, eventuallyβ€”in thousands of yearsβ€”for rocks.

19 shares on Facebook this month:

I feel like the person who named pink eye also named orange juice.

97 shares on YouTube this month:

Life would be so much easier if you could push a button that makes dickheads fall through a trap door in the floor.

25 shares on Instagram this month:

I now also have a device that tells me whether I’ve taken enough steps today. If I don’t make it one day, it barks and poops in my apartment.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

This post ain’t gonna like itself, damn.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I only drink when I people.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

It’s always “your monthly bill is available,” never “this month is on us.”

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Not to brag, but I don’t fight with people on the internet.

22 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If you think I’m rude, you should hear the voices in my head.

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Dude, we’re biting off more than we can chew tonight if you want to pull up.

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Petition to make check-in at hotels 11am and check-out 3pm, not the other way around. Like, WTF?

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

A political guy who supports communism because he hates applying for jobs and just wants to be assigned somewhere.

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

It’s so peaceful when you have no interest in other people’s business.

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Twitter is like talking to yourself in public and some random dude walking by agrees with you.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,741

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡² has shared:

Mondays have a black belt in psychological warfare.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡» has downloaded:

If Spotify has taught me anything, it’s that I don’t know the correct lyrics to any of my favorite songs.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡© has copied:

Beer is Narcan for when you overdose on Microsoft Teams.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡ͺ has shared:

After you do your laundry, you should be allowed to get in the dryer and tumble for a little. No charge.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡΄ has copied:

They are mad because you took that knife out of your back and used it to cut ties.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡³ has shared:

My favorite unit of measurement is smithereens.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡± has viewed:

At 20, I was unstoppable; at 30, I’m just unstartable.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡Ό has copied:

Stop avoiding your banking app. Go look at what you’ve done.

Someone from πŸ‡΄πŸ‡² has shared:

Getting an extra 20 minutes in the day when someone cancels a meeting is like finding a penny on the ground. Not gonna use it for anything, but wow, am I excited.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§ has shared:

My kids will never appreciate the amount of extroverting the introvert me does for them.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Going viral on Discord:

Being gracefully insane is the secret to a happy life.

Making waves on Threads:

Let’s get married and have kids, so instead of relaxing during weeknights, we can go to seven practices and relearn algebra.

Trending via TikTok:

I would do anything for a job, except write a cover letter.

Going viral on Instagram:

Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about yourself. You can do that on your own.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I’m almost finished reading your tweet. Love it so far.

Going viral on Discord:

Used to wonder why my parents couldn’t grasp technology, but now, anytime I see something new, I’m like, “I’m not learning that.”

Spotted on Snapchat:

You are born, you lie about how you are and then you die.

Spotted on Telegram:

Why did they have to bleep out everything R2D2 said?

Seen just now on YouTube:

Being weird never goes out of style.

Spotted on YouTube:

I need a six-month vacation twice a year.

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