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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

Some people feel like unpaid actors in my sitcom called “What Fresh Chaos Is This?”

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Twitter hits different, cause it’s like the only social media app you can use effectively while playing music.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Dear resealable chocolate bag, your confidence in my self-control was truly inspiring. And you were delicious.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

How late is too late to still be lying in bed, naked, drinking coffee?

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

I got a bumper sticker that says, “Honk if you think I’m pretty.” Sometimes I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

In England “booster shot” is spelled “borchestershire shot”.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

He had the nerve to call me pretty. I’m gorgeous.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

I need to go back to Friday. I want to do my weekend differently.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Everybody loves that comfort food until you end up with that comfort body.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

My brain logged me out due to inactivity, and I can’t remember the password.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

508 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,101

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,101

Updated

Dec 23, 2025

Users Online

3,744

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

In the event of a water landing, place the life jacket over your head and swipe your credit card to inflate.

Going viral on X:

She took all my money, called me fat, AND stabbed me in the arm. I hate doctor appointments.

Just landed via Discord:

I hate small cars that disguise themselves as free parking spaces and drop their masks as soon as you pull up in front of them.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Deeply unfair of people to assume I have my life together just because I’m boring.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Mambo No. 5, but it’s in a minor key, and I’m naming women who didn’t text me back.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Please don’t flirt with me. I’m trying not to cheat on my crush who doesn’t like me.

Shared recently on Discord:

I hate dealing with fresh garlic. Each individual clove with their little f***ing paperwork.

Spotted on Instagram:

Your suitcase just texted. It’s getting bored.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

If life could stop teaching me lessons, that would be great.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Vote for me and I will halve the calories in chocolate.

Home » Funny Good Quotes » Page 35

377 Funny good quotes

More funny good quotes 👇

Job interviewer: “Where do you see yourself in 5 years’ time?” Me: “My greatest strength is that I’m a good listener.”

0

3 months ago

5, five, five years, funny response, good, good listener, humor, interview, interview question, interviewer, job, job interview, job interviewer, listener, me, question, response, strength, time, where, year’s, yourself
The bad news is I forgot to wear my spaghetti-eating shirt. The good news is I have a new spaghetti-eating shirt.

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3 months ago

bad, bad news, eating, forgot, good, good news, humor, i, new, news, shirt, spaghetti, wear
Can somebody explain to me why it’s bad if immigrants take our jobs, but it’s good if AI does?

0

3 months ago

AI, automation, bad, employment, explain, good, humor, immigrant, irony, job, jobs, me, somebody, take, technology, why
Good morning, townsfolk. I’m here to slay the monsters.

0

3 months ago

good, here, monster, monsters, morning, slay, townsfolk
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making all of the food that is unhealthy for you taste so good.

0

3 months ago

devil, eating, ever, food, good, humor, making, taste, temptation, trick, unhealthy, unhealthy eating, unhealthy food
Today feels like a good day for a cheeseburger.

0

3 months ago

casual, cheeseburger, craving, day, eating, feels, food, good, good day, humor, snack, today
Is 27 a good age to leave everything you know and love, and start over?

0

3 months ago

age, beginning, change, decision, everything, good, know, leave, life, life change, love, new, new beginning, over, start, starting, starting over, uncertainty
Anyone else smile at old people just to show that you’re one of the good ones.

0

3 months ago

anyone, else, good, good person, humor, interaction, just, kindness, old, old person, ones, people, person, show, smile, social, social interaction
Welcome to your 50’s; you can have a really good laugh at everyone moaning about their aches and pains in their 30’s.

0

3 months ago

30s, 50s, ache, age, aging, complaint, everyone, good, humor, laugh, middle, middle age, moan, moaning, pain, welcome
I’m doing pretty good for someone who rarely has a clue.

0

3 months ago

attitude, clue, cluelessness, confidence, doing, good, humor, pretty, self-deprecating, someone

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🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on TikTok this month:

Venting to ChatGPT is crazy, y’all turning schizophrenic.

52 shares on Messenger this month:

My friends put their kid to bed and then made us ice cream sundaes, which is exactly what I assumed was happening when my parents put me to bed.

93 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’ve calculated my December budget and realized I can only afford to pray.

14 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m not a fan of camping, if I wanted to sleep outside I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

69 shares on Messenger this month:

There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul, even if it’s cold, over ice, with a celery stalk and vodka.

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

I googled my symptoms, and I just need a day with you in the mountains.

95 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Only 6 hours, 45 minutes and 35 years until I’m done with work.

77 shares on Discord this month:

There is too much happening for mid-December. Where are the canceled meetings? Why are we not circling back next year?

71 shares on Messenger this month:

I told my suitcase we wouldn’t be going on vacation this year; now it’s dead inside and I’m left with emotional baggage.

32 shares on Instagram this month:

The only thing preventing me from moving to Finland is the language barrier and a job.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Can I come over and look at your Hot Wheels collection?

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

My toxic trait is that I expect people to have common sense, and I get mad when they don’t.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

I’m old enough to remember when FIFA was about kicking balls, not sucking them.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Attempted to exercise this morning. Didn’t work out.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

My brain is on airplane mode today.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Please pray for our son, who had to unload the dishwasher when “he just did this yesterday, and he’s tired.”

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Nobody stresses a woman out more than a man who isn’t her man yet.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Do you want to sit on the porch with me until we die or not?

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

“My reading glasses would look good on your nightstand.” -Me, flirting.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

Friends with no kids are like: Want to go to New Zealand this Friday?

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

It was the kind of movie that kept you on the edge of your seat, waiting for something interesting to happen.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I set up a Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

Trending via Pinterest:

I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Breakfast in bed: where your cozy blanket turns into a crumby crime scene.

Just shared via WeChat:

Ramen is just anime spaghetti.

Shared recently on Slack:

Bro, did you seriously just forget about Dre?

Seen just now on Discord:

Waiting patiently for the alien invasion.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Kids are like pancakes. The first one is always a bit strange.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

By the time someone says, ‘To make a long story short,’ it’s too late.

Spotted on TikTok:

90s scientists: we cloned a sheep. we landed a robot on mars. Scientists today: for the last time, the earth is round.

Activity Log ✨

377 Funny good quotes

More funny good quotes 👇

All funny good quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨