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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

All kids are born with a sixth sense that lets them know the absolute worst time to ask for something.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I’ll be notified immediately.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

Ok, hear me out: a reality show where billionaire CEOs have to live off of their lowest-paid employees’ salaries for a month.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Yes, money alone does not make you happy. It has to be yours too.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Hey boy, are you the sun? Because you were a big part of my life this summer but now I feel like I never see you.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Live, laugh, leftovers.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to pull all nighters.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

Wish my metabolism worked as fast as my anxiety.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Hannibal Lecter didn’t have to be a serial killer, he was scary enough as a foodie.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

I don’t always say something stupid. But when I do, I keep talking and make it worse.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

801 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,963

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,963

41 minutes ago

3,433

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

Be the elephant you wish to see in the room.

Live now on TikTok:

I’ve started dating myself exclusively but it’s not working out.

Shared recently on X:

I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

Shared recently on X:

Men be like “I would do anything for you,” and then do nothing.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Letting her be the passenger princess cause I care about my safety.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Driving between speed cameras is called intermittent fasting.

Just shared via Instagram:

Police officer: please step out of your vehicle. Me: after this song, hold on.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I think they’ve made more Kung-Fu Panda movies in the last 20 years than they’ve made actual pandas.

Trending via Messenger:

Offering someone food, and secretly hoping, they don’t want it.

Just landed via Twitch:

Me, waiting on an email: What the hell is taking so long, this is ridiculous. Me, sending an email: this can probably wait another three weeks or so.

Home » Funny Household Quotes

41 Funny household quotes

Funny household quotes bring a sprinkle of humor to your daily routine, turning ordinary moments into laugh-out-loud adventures 😂. Whether it’s a witty remark about laundry piles 🧺 or a clever commentary on the mysterious disappearance of socks 🧦, these quotes add a dash of hilarity to your home life. Perfect for sharing with family or using as cheeky decor, they’re sure to brighten your day and keep everyone smiling 😄!

New funny household quotes 👇

17 hours ago
Share →: Moms will vacuum the ceiling, alphabetize the spice rack, reorganize your socks, then say, “No one helps me around here!”

Commentary:
When mom goes full CIA on dust particles and socks, yet we're all suspects 🕵️‍♀️🧹🧦🔍
6 days ago
Share →: Today, I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word “irony.”

Commentary:
That's one wrinkled board that's giving Alanstis Morissette a run for her money! 😂✨ #IronyOnAnotherLevel
7 days ago
Share →: The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes, only to turn around and, to your horror, the pot.

Commentary:
Just when you think you're done, the pot's like, "Surprise! I'm the boss level of dishwashing!" 😅🍲🧼
1 week ago
Share →: Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

Commentary:
When you're on the throne but forgot your crown 👑🚽🤣
1 week ago
Share →: The recipe I’m making specifically says “allow to cook undisturbed,” and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

Commentary:
Sounds like the only thing cooking undisturbed tonight will be my patience! 🍳😅👨‍🍳
1 week ago
Share →: My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

Commentary:
Apparently, this freelance pet food critic is finickier than Gordon Ramsay with a fish dish 😹🐟🛍️
1 week ago
Share →: My daughter’s morning alarm is less to wake her up, and more to warn the rest of us.

Commentary:
Sounds like her alarm clock is more of a "brace yourself" signal for everyone else! 😅🔔📢
2 weeks ago
Share →: My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

Commentary:
😂🍽️ "Guess I'm on an involuntary culinary treasure hunt now! Let the games begin! #LivingOnTakeout"
3 weeks ago
Share →: I’m glad nobody can see the face I make when I’ve just started the washing machine and then spot a sock on the floor.

Commentary:
"When the sock plot twist hits harder than any TV drama! 🧦😱🤣 #LaundrySurprise"
4 weeks ago
Share →: That one unemployed roommate who gets a package every day.

Commentary:
"Seems like their job is just opening packages! 📦😂 #ProfessionalUnwrapper"

For even more funny household quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny household quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

801 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,963

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,963

41 minutes ago

3,430

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

If you can’t look back at your younger self and realize that you were an idiot, you are probably still an idiot.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Cowboy outfits should be called ranch dressing.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

I want a girlfriend so hot that people walking down the street know that I am funny.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

And is this “year-end bonus” in the room with us right now?

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched your unread books.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Even though he murders a lot of people, you can tell Freddie Kruger is a fun loving guy cause he goes by Freddie and not Fred or Frederick.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

Bro, you’re not allowed anymore to have your tongue drop out of your mouth and form a stair case when you see my wife.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

The week between Christmas and New Year’s should be studied as it is clearly a wormhole, disturbing time and space.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

The only things that are really cool in my company are my salary and me.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

Yes, I make bad decisions when I’m drunk. But I wouldn’t say that the decisions I make when I’m sober are any better.

Spotted on Twitch:

What is Washington’s plan to make everything bagels less messy to eat?

Shared recently on TikTok:

Sometimes I wish I could turn down the volume on certain people.

Going viral on Pinterest:

She’s got style. She’s got grace. She dropped her cellphone on her face. She’s a lady.

Live now on Pinterest:

Immediately de-escalating an international conflict by posting an angry looking selfie with the caption “Come on, guys.”

Just shared via Telegram:

Thank you for the opportunity but I don’t think being human is a good fit for me. I’m going to go back to school to become an octopus.

Seen just now on Threads:

“Those tattoos will make it harder to get a job!” Okay, well so will my personality.

Live now on X:

Just got emotional imagining a worm emerging from its cocoon as a dragonfly and then got even more emotional remembering that’s not what they do.

Just shared via YouTube:

Umbrellas are great if you only want to get wet sideways.

Just landed via X:

If they treat you like an option, leave them like a choice, and make your exit as dramatic as a Netflix season finale.

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