Commentary:
"When I bark at a dog, all I can think is: 'Did I just ask him to do my taxes?' 🐶🗂️❓"
5670 Funny i quotes
Grocery stores should have baskets in the middle of the store for those “I really overestimated how much I can carry” moments.
Commentary:
"Heavy lifting Olympics: 0, Grocery Hulk: 1! 🏋️♂️🛒🤣"
Wow, I absolutely love your outfit. The black really brings out the pet hair on it.
Commentary:
"Fashion tip of the day: Pet hair is the new black! 🐾🖤🤣"
The older I get, the more I start to understand the appeal of birdwatching as a hobby. I do find myself watching these little troublemakers quite often.
Commentary:
"Who knew birdwatching was just a gateway to accepting my inner old person vibes! Time to grab the binoculars and start squawking! 🦜👀😅"
Sorry, I’m late. Time isn’t real, and I’m not convinced I am either.
Commentary:
"Finally embraced my inner unicorn on 'imaginary time,' but I couldn't make the meeting… or did I? 🦄⏰✨"
I will never forget how to spell bananas, thanks to Gwen Stefani.
Commentary:
"When life gives you something hard to spell, just sing it like Gwen! 🍌🎤😄"
If anything I post makes you mad, just know that it pleases me.
Commentary:
"Finally, a workout for my emotions—angry cardio! 😤😂💪"
I’m so broke, I owe myself money.
Commentary:
"When even my piggy bank sends me 'IOU' notes 🐷💸😂"
I can now see how sitting on a porch could fill an entire life.
Commentary:
"Who knew? My life's calling was just a rocking chair away! 🪑😂☀️"
“Are you dating anyone?” I close my eyes when I walk past mirrors.
Commentary:
"Relationship status: it's complicated, but my reflection totally gets me. 🙄💔😂 #MirrorMate"