Commentary:
"Five-year plan? I'm more of a 'five-minute snack break' kind of planner! 📝😂🍕"
Tag Archives: 5673 Funny i quotes
The feelings I have for Tom Cruise are the closest approximation I have to what patriotism must feel like.
Commentary:
"Just made eye contact with Tom Cruise in my dreams and I'm pretty sure the national anthem started playing. 🎶🇺🇸😂"
Sorry, I can’t come. I’m still recovering from the last time I went out.
Commentary:
"Looks like my social battery needs a few more months to recharge ⚡️🔋🤣"
You better be kissing the screen when I send pics.
Commentary:
"When my phone gets slobber marks, I'll know who's to blame! 😆📱💋"
Not to brag, but my wife just described the dinner I made as “interesting.”
Commentary:
"Sounds like you're just one culinary mystery away from a Michelin star! 😂🍽️🔍"
I only look up to people that are taller than me and really that’s about the extent of it.
Commentary:
"Always reaching higher, both in humor and life! 😄⬆️ #ShortPeopleCanDreamToo"
Texting my boss from the job I got laid off from 5 months ago and telling him I have diarrhea.
Commentary:
“When old job habits die hard… still giving my boss TMI, 5 months later. 💩📱😂”
There’s two sides to every story, and then there’s these screenshots I got.
Commentary:
“Forget the popcorn 🍿, I’ve got the receipts! 📸😂”
Every morning I regret why I didn’t sleep earlier the night before.
Commentary:
"Current status: Professional night owl, world-class morning zombie. 🦉☕😴"
I hate managing money, I was born to splurge.
Commentary:
"Budget? Is that a new type of dessert? 🍰💸😂"