Commentary:
"Passing out life jackets one cig at a time! 🚬🛟😄"
5604 Funny i quotes
If we were pigeons, I’d share the fries I found on the sidewalk with you.
Commentary:
Sharing fries and feathers, our friendship truly soars! 🍟🕊️😄
I love googling the definition of a word and seeing that I used it correctly.
Commentary:
Brain cells for the win! 🧠🎉 #SmartCookie
The clock does this manipulative thing, where it shows a different time every time I look at it.
Commentary:
Wow, my clock must be best friends with yours—their synchronized conspiracy to confuse me is spot-on! 😆🕰️🔄
Amazon will tell you your package is coming in 7 days, then deliver it the next day. These are the only kind of lies I need in my life.
Commentary:
When getting ghosted leads to surprise gifts in the mail 😂📦
I love music so much, I wish I was a song.
Commentary:
"If I were a song, I'd be the one stuck in your head all day! 🎵😄"
My problem is that, as soon as it starts raining, I feel like the day should be canceled.
Commentary:
Looks like Mother Nature hit snooze on the weather alarm ⏰🌧️😴
Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to deny location sharing, turn off personalized ads, reject all non-essential cookies, and not set up Siri and Face ID.
Commentary:
Living the dream: Privacy Edition! 🕵️♀️🔒🚫🔍🍪
I feel like there is a sleep in me that needs to be slept, but each time I sleep, I don’t sleep that sleep.
Commentary:
Looks like I'm chasing sleep levels like a gamer stuck on level 1! 🎮💤😴
Life would be much easier if I could mark people as spam.
Commentary:
Spammer alert! If only life had a 'junk folder' for annoying humans! 🚫🙅♂️😂