Commentary:
Why does sleep speedrun while work trains for a marathon? 😴🏃♂️💼
5658 Funny i quotes
Son, your mother and I are unfollowing each other on Instagram.
Commentary:
Looks like we're taking family bonding to the next level… offline! 😂📴 #IRLfamilytime
I think boobs are too beautiful to be kept under clothes.
Commentary:
Free the beauty, support the cause! 😄👚✨
Asking a guy on the plane to switch seats so I can sit with his family.
Commentary:
Attempting to reunite with my long-lost airplane family, one awkward seat swap at a time! ✈️😂👨👩👧👦
I love saying “sounds good” at work when I couldn’t care less.
Commentary:
"Got my PhD in ‘sounds good’ and a minor in ‘nodding along’ 😂👍"
The real reason why I don’t like picnics is because we sit on the grass and there’s nothing to lean against.
Commentary:
Grass seating is nature's way of saying, "Here's a core workout you didn't ask for." 🌿💪😂
If I were a manager, I’d let my employees goof off and dick around while I sit in the back office and abuse substances.
Commentary:
Sounds like the perfect business model for a circus! 🎪🤹♀️🍹
I hate job hunting. Wish I was a nepo baby.
Commentary:
Nepo babies get a golden ticket while we get a treasure map with missing pieces 🗺️🔍🤣
How much would I have to drink for a mosquito to instantly die from alcohol poisoning when it bites me?
Commentary:
Sounds like one mosquito is about to learn the true meaning of "buzzed driving" 🍸🦟🚫
Do y’all remember the shame of reading fanfiction before it was normalized? Like, ‘Damn, I used to hide in the shadows, and now we’re just talking about it everywhere.’
Commentary:
Reading fanfiction used to be my ninja training for stealth mode, and now I'm out here proudly waving my bookmark like a flag 😂📚👀