3414 Funny i quotes

More funny i quotes 👇

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  6 days ago

  View →: The ugliest version of me is the version that comes out when I play board games. I don’t know who she is, but she is a monster. She is not fit for human interaction.
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  6 days ago

  View →: Oftentimes, I like the idea of an activity. The actual doing of said activity, not so much.
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  6 days ago

  View →: Sorry, I laughed at your bad joke. I was trying to flirt.
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  7 days ago

  View →: Women are like apples; I like biting them.
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  7 days ago

  View →: I can’t explain how it works, but one day, you just wake up and like sauerkraut.
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  7 days ago

  View →: I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.
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  7 days ago

  View →: Old age is always 15 years older than I am.
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  7 days ago

  View →: Just burned 2,000 calories trying to avoid someone I know at Walmart.
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  1 week ago

  View →: The way I forget stuff at my age, I just know it is over for me after 50.
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  1 week ago

  View →: How do I become a billionaire by 9 a.m. Monday? Please, it’s urgent.
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  1 week ago

  View →: Unfortunately, you have to almost worship the ground I walk on for me to believe you’re into me.
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  1 week ago

  View →: You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I may as well go while I’m here.”
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  1 week ago

  View →: I changed my Facebook name to “Benefits.” Now, when people add me, it says, “You are now friends with benefits.”
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  1 week ago

  View →: Every time I spend my own money, I feel like somebody needs to reimburse me.
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  1 week ago

  View →: It’s way too easy to lie online. I was just telling Beyoncé about that the other day.
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  1 week ago

  View →: Sorry for the things I said when the internet was down for 10 minutes.
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  1 week ago

  View →: Can’t wait to get past this phase of my life. I need to see what all of this was for.
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  1 week ago

  View →: I’m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.
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  1 week ago

  View →: “You let your cat on the bed?” I would put her on my life insurance.
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  1 week ago

  View →: I love when dudes are named Guy. Like, yeah. Exactly.
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  1 week ago

  View →: I don’t think I’ve ever made the right amount of pasta.
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  1 week ago

  View →: Going through life with a signature I invented as a teenager.
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  1 week ago

  View →: I just need a little time to warm up to you, and then I’ll be super fun, I promise—1-2 years at most.
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  1 week ago

  View →: I received a DM telling me that I’ve offended some of you. I’m truly sorry; I meant to offend all of you.
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  1 week ago

  View →: I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.
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  1 week ago

  View →: Ohhh, I just realised you can change your facial expression. I was just doing the one.
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  1 week ago

  View →: Sorry, I had feelings. I’ll replace them with jokes right away.
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  1 week ago

  View →: I wish I were a wild horse in Kazakhstan. That would fix everything.
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  1 week ago

  View →: Apparently, “I just don’t want to” is not a valid reason when your boss asks you why you’re not coming in today.
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  1 week ago

  View →: I miss when there were so many episodes of every show that they all eventually did one where it was hot, and the air conditioning went out.

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