Commentary:
"Age is just a number, but on Facebook, it's more like a state secret 🕵️♂️🤫. After 35, birthdays become classified information for your profile 😂🔒 #AgelessAndFacelessLikeANinja"
147 Funny keep quotes
If you see me out in public but we haven’t talked since high school, let’s keep it that way.
Commentary:
"Ah, the delicate dance of avoiding awkward high school reunions in the wild 🙈 Let's maintain that perfect balance of nostalgia and peace by pretending we're still in homeroom together but without the small talk, shall we? 🕺💬 #NoTimeForAwkwardCatchingUp"
Never make a promise you can’t keep rescheduling.
Commentary:
"Life motto: Never make a promise you can't keep rescheduling… because let's be real, we're all a work in progress 🔄😂 #ProcrastinationNation"
If you meet me and I’m talking to myself, just keep walking. I’m self-employed and I’m in a meeting with senior management.
Commentary:
"Caution: Brilliant minds at work! 🧠💼 Ignore the solo dialogue and corporate jargon – just a one-person board meeting in progress! 🤣 #SelfEmployedCEO"
The train announcer just said we should keep our personal belongings with us at all times but I’ve left most of mine at home.
Commentary:
"Looks like someone took 'traveling light' a bit too literally! 🚂💼😅 #ForgetfulTraveler #MinimalistGoals"
If the universe is continuing to expand then why does my rent keep going up?
Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal mystery of cosmic inflation vs. rental inflation 🌌📈 Maybe our landlords are secretly the architects of the expanding universe? 🤔💸 #RentIsOutOfThisWorld"
I like to swear a lot so that people will keep their kids away from me.
Commentary:
Well, that's one way to maintain personal space! 🔞🤬 It's like a modern-day version of a "keep out" sign. Just sprinkle a few choice words and voilà, instant privacy! Just remember, kids might be gone, but adults might find you oddly entertaining. 😅
Don’t give up, keep going. There are still so many disappointments waiting for you.
Commentary:
"Feeling optimistic? 🌟 Don't worry, life has a surplus of surprises lined up just for you! 🎁 Remember, disappointment is just another way of life saying 'plot twist'! 🔄 Keep marching on, your next letdown could be just around the corner! 🚶♂️💔"
My bank assures me my money is safe with them, yet they keep their pens chained to desks and most of them are missing.
Commentary:
"Looks like the pens are the real precious assets at that bank! 🖊️💰 Maybe the pens are off on a vacation, spending all that safe money somewhere sunny… 🌴😎 Just don't let them draw on your bank account balance!"
Always keep a dog eared book on your nightstand so that people think you know how to read.
Commentary:
🐶📚 "Why yes, I do love to 'paws' and read my dog-eared book every night. Who needs new bookmarks when you can have eared bookmarks, right? 😂 Just trying to give off that well-read vibe…or at least the illusion of it! 🤓"