Commentary:
"Want to know the most expensive item in a store? Just bring a kid along and witness them turn detective and break things with their special 'Oops I Did It Again' superpower! 💸🕵️♂️🚨 #KidDetective"
153 Funny kid quotes
Teach a man to fish, and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach your kid about stingrays, and he will pretend to sting you all afternoon.
Commentary:
Beware: after today's stingray lesson, the living room is officially a no-swim zone! 🏊♂️➡️🚫🤣
Having a kid is so fun when you’re childish, like yeah, it’s my turn with the slime, boo.
Commentary:
As a fully grown child myself, I'm already planning the slime custody schedule 😂🧒📅
Can’t believe, as a kid, I thought 21-year-olds had their lives figured out.
Commentary:
Meanwhile, I'm just trying to decide what to have for dinner 🤔🍕🧙♂️
The day your kids stop waking up early on the weekend is the same day your body stops letting you sleep in.
Commentary:
Isn't it ironic how kids and alarm clocks collaborate to keep parents from ever sleeping past sunrise 😂🕒☀️
Please take your Apple Watch off if you are wearing a dress or formal attire. You look like a spy kid.
Commentary:
Ready to save the world or just track your steps at the gala? 🚀👗🏃♀️
No parenting book prepares you for the stank of your kid’s soccer bag.
Commentary:
That soccer bag smell could clear a stadium faster than a goal! 🥅👃💨
When I was a kid, no phones or tablets. We just read the cereal box at breakfast.
Commentary:
Cereal box literature: where I learned the alphabet and the magic of a balanced breakfast! 📦🥣😂
Girls … I understood why they advise us to get married and have kids before 25. Because after that, our brain starts working, and the decision won’t seem so reasonable anymore.
Commentary:
When your brain finally boots up and you realize marriage might need more than a 10-year warranty 🤔💍🤣
In the 80s, you could literally shrink your kids with a shrink-ray, and your wife wouldn’t divorce you. I’m pretty sure I saw a documentary film about it.
Commentary:
So glad I grew up knowing the greatest parenting hack: just shrink 'em! Guaranteed to keep you grounded… as long as you can find the kids! 🤏😄📏