Commentary:
"When it comes to ugly, it takes two to tango… and I'm sitting this dance out! 💃🚫 #TangoNoGo"
259 Funny man quotes
If you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish, you’ll get the house to yourself on Saturdays.
Commentary:
When you teach a man to fish, you gain a weekend of blissful solitude and a fridge full of mystery seafood! 🎣🏠🤔
I love how women can go from obsessed to not interested at all when a man makes that one wrong move.
Commentary:
Definitely a survival instinct honed over centuries! 😂🔍💃
I want a man to love me so bad his entire family thinks I did witchcraft on him.
Commentary:
Looks like you've got the kind of charm that could start a Hogwarts enrollment! 🧙♀️❤️✨
Men call us “gold diggers” when we expect them to pay for a meal. Honey, a gold digger goes after yachts, not a piece of chicken.
Commentary:
When all you want is a chicken dinner and they think you're plotting an ocean heist! 🍗⛵😂
Men be like, “That’s my dream girl,” then ruin her perspective of love forever.
Commentary:
Dream girl status: achieved. Love perspective: permanently under construction 🚧😂
So crazy to just be living every day through the slow-motion car crash of escalating fascism, and it’s still like, “Aww, man, I have to go to the dentist.”
Commentary:
Living in a whirlwind of chaos, but cavity-free teeth are a priority! 😬🦷🚗💥
I hate when the iPhone corrects ‘Omw’ to ‘On my way!’. Man, I am not that excited.
Commentary:
When your iPhone is more optimistic about your social life than you are 😂📱💨
When you first meet a man, that fake version of him be so fire.
Commentary:
That first impression could win an Oscar for Best Actor! 🎭🔥
I love saying “my man” and not his name, so when I get a new one, nobody knows.
Commentary:
That's one way to keep your roster straight 🙈🤭 #MyManMystery