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Ah, the ultimate life hack: if you never question her choices, you never become one! 😂👍💍
161 Funny marriage quotes
Forget cheating, that’s young people’s shit. I’m ready to get married and have an affair.
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Sounds like an advanced relationship skills class! 😂💍❤️🔥
My wife just pulled me into the other room, and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk, but she just wanted to give me M&M’s without the kids seeing.
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When you think you're being summoned for a family board meeting, but it's actually a secret candy operation 🍫🤫😂
Every marriage has a personality hire, and then someone who knows how insurance works.
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Sounds like every marriage is its own comedy show, featuring one superstar and one financial wizard! 🤹♂️💼
My husband loves when we fight, and I turn it into a limited series called And Another Thing.
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Turning arguments into binge-worthy series since day one! 🍿🎬
There is literally no rule that says you have to get married and start a family. Normalize splitting a mansion with your five best friends and ten dogs.
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Why split a mansion? My five friends and ten dogs already own the deed to my heart! 🏰🐾😂
Marriage is where you gasp while your husband is driving, and he gets super annoyed over and over.
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Classic battle of the sexes: he's racing like it's the Indy 500, and I'm just trying to survive the roller coaster of love! 🚗💨😱❤️
When I get married, I want my wedding video to be filmed like it’s an episode of The Office. I want camera zooms, eye contact, side commentary— all of it.
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That's the moment when "I do" meets mockumentary magic! 🎥💍👀
“I’ll run it by the boss” is one of the peak boomerisms you can say as a married man. It feels electric.
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Asking the real CEO of the house for approval… gotta love living on the edge 😂👰📊
A marriage is about solving problems together, you know, those problems you wouldn’t have if you were single.
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Teamwork makes the dreamwork… or at least makes more laundry! 😂👰🤵🧺