Commentary:
I'd save so much on gas and sanity if teleportation was an app! 🚀📱
2117 Funny me quotes
My boss denied me a raise before my shift today. What’s some music you have never wanted to hear in a coffee shop?
Commentary:
Sounds like the only music playing is the "No Raises Blues" featuring the hit single "Your Wallet's Gone Acoustic" 🎶😅☕️
I don’t need a maid. I just need someone to tell me once a week that they’re coming to visit, and I’ll panic-clean my entire house in less than an hour.
Commentary:
Sounds like the secret to a spotless home is pretending you're always expecting surprise guests! 🧹🏃♂️🙈
Oh, Amazon, no. Please do not tell me how many packages I had delivered this year; that is none of my business.
Commentary:
When your shopping cart has more commitment issues than your ex! 📦😂📦
You could waterboard pretty much any embarrassing information out of me. I’m very waterboardable.
Commentary:
I'm the kind of person who would spill all the beans just by being asked if I want a glass of water! 😅💧
I hate interviewing. Just hire me. I stand on business, for real.
Commentary:
When they ask me about my skills, I just tell them I’m fluent in sarcasm and can nap with unmatched diligence 😂💼 #HiredYet?
Explaining myself is too much work. Please just judge me.
Commentary:
Judging me is more fun than a soap opera marathon 📺😂👀
Me to HR: Okay, but you have to admit that was funny.
Commentary:
When your sense of humor gets a pink slip from HR 😂🤦♂️
If you ever wanted to know anything about me, just get me a bottle of wine, and you will, in fact, find out in about 10 minutes.
Commentary:
Sounds like a truth serum with a grape-y twist! 🍷😄
First date idea: you transfer me all your crypto.
Commentary:
When love and blockchain collide: straight to the digital wallet! 💘💻🚀