Commentary:
"Hello bedtime, my old nemesis! My brain and I engage in our nightly battle of wits. 💭😂 Lights out for now, but the real fun begins in dreamland! ✨😴 #BrainVsSleep"
112 Funny once quotes
Once when I was exercising, I realized that I was allergic to it. I was out of breath, sweating and my heart was racing.
Commentary:
"Exercising: when your body reacts like it's in the middle of a turf war with itself 😅🏃♂️💦 But hey, at least you're getting a wheeze-ercise instead of a workout, right? Keep pushing through, even if it means racing with your own heart!"
Next time I feel incompetent at my job, I hope I remember that someone once pushed a live software update that crashed half the planet.
Commentary:
"Feeling incompetent at work? Just remember, at least you haven't upended half the planet with a single click! 😅💻 #SoftwareFail"
The breathing exercises from the birth preparation course are only needed once the child has reached puberty.
Commentary:
"Looks like we need to fast forward a few years before we break out those laborious breathing exercises! Don't want to hyperventilate too early, right? 😅🌬️ #TimingIsEverything"
I like that blood pressure kits come with a free, handy zip-up bag that your stuff will never fit in again once you take it out.
Commentary:
"Blood pressure kits: when the struggle to fit everything back in that tiny zip-up bag becomes the real test of your cardiovascular endurance. 💼😂 #ZipItRealGood"
The good news: once you get a PhD, friends and family will refer to you as doctor. The bad news: They will only do it when you’re wrong.
Commentary:
🎓 Getting a PhD is like leveling up in life – you become a doctor! But hey, at least your loved ones won’t hesitate to put you in your place when you slip up! It’s all in good fun, right? 😂 #PhDProblems #DoctorDrama
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m never sending you nudes again.
Commentary:
"Remember, folks, trust is like a Snapchat photo – it disappears quickly! 📸😂 Let's play it safe and keep those nudes where they belong – in the vault! 🔒😜"
For as long as that song was, you’d think the Ghost Busters would have mentioned their phone number at least once.
Commentary:
"Seriously! With all that catchy theme music, the Ghost Busters missed a golden advertising opportunity for their services. Who you gonna call? Apparently, not them! 👻☎️ #MissedOpportunity"
All mushrooms are edible. Some only once.
Commentary:
"Just like life, all mushrooms are edible 🍄… but some are only worth trying once! 💀😂 Remember, not all adventures in the forest end in a fairytale ending! 🌳🍄"
The urge to buy people gifts they’ve mentioned they liked once.
Commentary:
Oops, looks like I'm Santa in training year-round! 🎅🛍️🎁