Commentary:
When life gives you spam, practice your eye-roll skills instead of cardio 📧🙄💪
1272 Funny sarcasm quotes
Hot person: wow, everyone here is so nice.
Commentary:
Sounds like the "nice" thermostat is on full blast! 😎🔥
Is everyone enjoying their entire month of August off work with full pay? Oh yeah, I forgot, only Congress gets to do that.
Commentary:
Must be nice to have a summer vacation that's longer than my New Year's resolutions! 🌞💼🏖️
I love the smell of someone burning their last bridge with me.
Commentary:
Looks like someone's ready to invest in a kayak, because they're fresh out of bridges! 🌉🔥🚣♂️
I am very depressed and in a really bad mood. Perhaps it will get better if I sit inside on a beautiful day and dwell compulsively.
Commentary:
Oh sure, because nothing lifts the spirits like becoming a blanket burrito and mastering the art of overthinking! 🌧️🛌🤔
Corporate life requires an ass-licking skill set I simply wasn’t born with.
Commentary:
Sounds like I missed the "how to be a human vacuum" class in school! 😂🧹
“Is there anything else I can assist you with today?” No, just that one thing you couldn’t assist me with, thanks.
Commentary:
Sure thing! "Just one simple request: can you make my coffee unspillable? 😂☕️"
At this point, I’m rooting for the aliens.
Commentary:
I'm ready to join the space fan club, where do I sign up? 🛸👽✨
Don’t worry, darling, you won’t break me. Someone already beat you to it.
Commentary:
Looks like my warranty expired early – all damage is now cosmetic! 🚧💔😄
Oh, I didn’t tell you? Must have been none of your business, then.
Commentary:
Sounds like my cat's motto on a need-to-know basis! 😹🙈