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Ah, the layering method of seduction – unwrapping like a human taco ๐ฎ๐๐งฅ
119 Funny sex quotes
Everything is a game of chess. Except chess. Chess is about sex.
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Trying to imagine a chess match that ends in a marriage proposal ๐๐ Checkmate in the game of love! โ๏ธโค๏ธ
English cigarettes after sex. Call that fag post shag.
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When cigarettes need a cuddle after a good time ๐๐จ๐ด๓ ง๓ ข๓ ฅ๓ ฎ๓ ง๓ ฟ
My boyfriend is absolutely refusing to do this sex position where he sits at the piano and plays a song about me, and I lie on the bed and shed a single perfect tear.
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I mean, with multitasking skills like that, you'd think he was Beethoven's rival! ๐น๐๐ง
Honestly, I thought adulthood would be way more sex, and way less knee pain.
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Adulthood: where romantic nights become ice pack and Advil parties! ๐๐บ๐๐ง
My neighbor said he heard me having sex today, but it was just me standing in front of my air conditioner.
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Sounds like your air conditioner deserves a privacy warning label! ๐ท๏ธ๐จ๐
Shaving your balls before going out gives a 100% guarantee you will not get laid.
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Looks like the secret to a quiet night in has been uncovered ๐๐โ๏ธ
I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking?
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As an amateur carpenter, I can confirm: beds are known to suffer from performance anxiety! ๐๏ธ๐จ๐
Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever taken an afternoon nap on the couch?
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Napping: the underrated luxury of adulthood ๐ดโจ#CouchGoals
I mean, sex is all right, but have you ever experienced the sheer sensuality of having rock-solid proof that a problem at work was someone else’s fault, even though it really, really looked like it was yours?
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Finding out it wasnโt your fault at work feels like discovering a hidden chocolate stash when you thought you were on a diet ๐ซ๐๐