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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡· has bookmarked:

Sorry, but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. Walking faster than me? Also my enemy. Now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm, yeah, I’m thinking enemy.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡² has downloaded:

I don’t want to brag but I found a recipe online, and then within three weeks not only made the recipe, but closed the tab on my browser.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡ͺ has shared:

Dentist appointments are so weird. β€œHi, nice to meet you, could you root around in my mouth for a bit?”

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡Ί has viewed:

Diabetes was the God of sugar.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡² has shared:

As a retiree, I have two pairs of pajamas. Bedtime and daytime. Sometimes I get them confused.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ή has shared:

The worst is when it’s too late to take a nap but too early to go to bed.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ή has shared:

Am I just getting old or are people getting more annoying?

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡« has bookmarked:

You know you don’t have to give your bathroom a beach theme, there’s no law.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡° has copied:

Eat like your treadmill is watching.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡΄ has shared:

They call it a coffin because they’re finally coughing up that inheritance.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

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2037 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,199

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14,953

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12,199

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3,434

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Spotted on Slack:

Born to say β€œWho the hell raised you to be this stupid.” Forced to work in groups.

Just landed via WeChat:

The concept of a drive-by doesn’t really exist in the swamp biome; instead, people rap about doing bog-emerges.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

So I got a call from a telemarketer, and he said he couldn’t understand me. I told him, “Press 1 for English.”

Shared recently on Slack:

Everyone is using AI to write business emails, texts, etc. At this point in time, we may as well just tell our AIs to talk to each other and then let us know what kind of deal they worked out.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Unless you fell off the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I cannot hear a word you are saying if your hoodie strings are uneven.

Going viral on Reddit:

Sometimes I wish I understood what some of you said and sometimes I am happy that I don’t.

Live now on TikTok:

Never mind a Roomba, I need a robot garbage can that will follow my kids around the house all day.

Just shared via Slack:

I think humans are meant to lay in bed with the love of their life all winter.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I wish I could turn everyone I love into a trinket, so I can keep them forever, because I am greedy and selfish.

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

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activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

2037 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,199

Funny Quotes Topics

14,953

Funny Quotes Images

12,199

Updated

2 minutes ago

Users Online

3,447

Funny Quotes of the Month πŸš€

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡«πŸ‡― has viewed:

My son is teaching himself Christmas songs on the trumpet, proving things can be both beautiful and annoying.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¨ has bookmarked:

Couldn’t afford a man cave. Had to settle for a gazebro.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡­ has downloaded:

Everyone’s gangster until they use a pen that is satisfyingly smooth and fun to write with.

Someone from πŸ‡ΆπŸ‡¦ has bookmarked:

I am crumbling under the tyranny of constantly needing to ‘Create an Account’.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡Ό has downloaded:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡³ has copied:

People singing Happy Birthday to you feels like a real-life unskippable ad.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡» has viewed:

I’ve got nothing against kids, I just don’t understand why you’d want indoor kids.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡¨ has copied:

Unfair that the older I get, the clearer photo quality gets.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ύ has viewed:

I’d post more pics, but I don’t want y’all falling in love all at once.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡Ί has shared:

Welcome to your 50’s, you’ll look for your phone while scrolling on your phone.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Going viral on X:

My signature move is me looking for my phone that I’m currently holding in my hand.

Trending via Telegram:

If I ever go missing, please print my picture on wine bottles and not on milk boxes. My friends are more likely to find me then.

Broadcasted on Threads:

We argue about where to go for dinner for so long, it eventually becomes an argument on where to go for breakfast.

Going viral on WeChat:

Not to brag but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

If you’re riding a bike in New York City, it means you care about your health. Riding one in Tennessee means you got a DUI.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

If I were a category, I’d be “miscellaneous.”

Trending via Twitch:

People that never want to leave the house unite! Separately at our own homes.

Going viral on Reddit:

Sometimes I worry that avoiding all human interaction isn’t a real hobby.

Reported on WeChat:

I recently saw a documentary about dinosaurs. They simply ate everyone they didn’t like. I like that concept.

Just landed via Telegram:

Being single for Valentine’s Day is way better than being in the wrong relationship.

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