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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

McDonald’s will “anything else” you to death. Can you wait a McMinute?

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

I don’t need a fancy watch to tell me I’m not fit one bit.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

If you’re feeling a little uneasy about the state of global geopolitics, remember to spend as much time on your phone as possible. The more information you ingest as you scroll, the calmer you will become.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

I have officially reached the age where I am bothered by lights being on, doors left open, loud noises, and people.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Watching “Dirty Dancing” as a teenager: Damn right, no one puts Baby in a corner. Watching “Dirty Dancing” as an adult: This girl is a brat and needs a lesson.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Like a fine bourbon, we get better with age. Or, at least, … we feel better about our age after drinking lots of bourbon!

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

The best proof that fairy tales are fictional is the fact that the prince is always an intelligent and handsome single man.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

I bet before the band got popular, Barenaked Ladies concerts had a lot of pissed off attendees.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Whoops, accidentally said I couldn’t make it before they even said the date.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

All the best memories with my dad start with “Don’t tell your mom about this.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,300

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

My nickname in high school was “who?”

Spotted on Facebook:

If it ain’t broke, my kids haven’t used it yet.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I deleted Google when I met you because the search was over.

Live now on Threads:

Men can be sorted into two camps: the ones who get haircuts way before they need them, and the ones who wait until people in their lives are complaining.

Live now on Slack:

Cheating on a partner should affect your credit score.

Making waves on Reddit:

Petition to bring back payphones in public places. I don’t want to give my kid a phone, I want to give him a quarter.

Seen just now on Telegram:

When you meet twins, demand to speak with the one in charge.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I’m addicted to placebos.

Going viral on TikTok:

Why are they called “grammar Nazis” and not “the Gestypo”?

Trending via Slack:

Don’t ever forget where you came from. That’s where you left your car.

Have you tried just not thinking about it? Like, ever again?

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Brain: Overworked. Me: On permanent vacation mode! 🏖️🧠"

advice, again, avoidance, ever, health, humor, just, mental, mental health, procrastination, thinking, tried

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that you’re an expert on my life and how I should live it! Please continue while I take notes.

0

2 months ago

advice, conversation, expert, humor, i, irony, life, live, notes, sarcasm, sorry, take
If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”

0

2 months ago

doing, ever, humor, irony, just, last, lesson, life, life lesson, lol, mistakes, nice, opposite, parenting, problem, solve, think, time, try, universe, work
Listen, before I had my coffee I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today either.

0

2 months ago

awesome, coffee, day, going, humor, i, know, listen, morning, morning routine, motivation, routine, self-awareness, today
Why did they call it an AI-generated picture and not a ‘fauxtograph’?

0

2 months ago

AI, artificial, artificial intelligence, call, fauxtograph, generated, generated picture, humor, intelligence, joke, photography, picture, why, wordplay
Aging is the worst. I miss the good ol’ days when my pain was strictly emotional.

0

2 months ago

aging, days, emotional, good, good ol’ days, humor, i, miss, ol’, pain, worst
I want a girlfriend so she can make me do shit like pottery, and I act like I don’t want to go.

0

4 months ago

act, activity, date, girlfriend, i, me, pottery, relationship, reluctance, shit, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on X this month:

Statistically speaking, people don’t object enough at weddings.

44 shares on Slack this month:

Wearing a condom while she’s on birth control is called two-factor authentication.

21 shares on YouTube this month:

Hair is unwashed, so I obviously feel like I’m fundamentally unlovable.

83 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I just finished cleaning the house for Thanksgiving, so if you’re looking for my family they’ll be in the backyard until Thursday.

17 shares on YouTube this month:

Wish I could step out of my body and take my own damn pictures.

43 shares on X this month:

I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting… It’s like, woah, I’m not the same person I was last night.

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

It’s fun getting room service. I just love eating a $19 hamburger at a desk in front of a mirror.

45 shares on Discord this month:

Maybe making another financially irresponsible decision will fix me.

49 shares on Facebook this month:

Seems like the ‘how to use a fire extinguisher’ video on YouTube shouldn’t have a 30-second ad before it.

83 shares on TikTok this month:

Nothing bores me like twins who don’t look alike, you should’ve just dropped later if you’re not going to participate.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Whoever named it overthinking didn’t think hard enough, cause overthinking is never over.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

Not using emoji while texting is my way to show that I’m serious.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

There should be guide dogs that prevent you from making bad decisions.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

Hate it when my mouth says something my brain was trying to keep quiet.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Stores should accept “I bought this while depressed” as a valid reason for a return.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Ruining the Olympics for my fiancée by, every time they mention Paris, saying, “that’s where Ratatouille lived”.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

My dog sets an impossible bar for how I should greet my wife when she comes home.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Getting to know someone these days is impossible. No one is really single, everyone has something going on, is hung up on their ex or is otherwise damaged in some way.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

If there is a God and He “loves” us, then explain snakes.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

For the amount of meat you get out of clam, I feel like we could just leave them alone.

Spotted on Reddit:

No, don’t worry about him, babe. That’s just my soulmate.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I hate when the lotion bottle pump squirts the hardened remains of its mucus plug into the palm of your hand.

Shared recently on Slack:

Human interaction is a great way to learn all the new swear words your subconscious mind has come up with in the lab.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Men who tell their woman she’s pretty, for no particular reason, keep that shit up.

Making waves on Instagram:

The absolute injustice of being asked to come and take away the boxes of junk that you’ve been storing at your parents’ house for 20 years.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I’m just a Whole Foods girl on a Walmart budget.

Just landed via Discord:

If the man is silent, he is a thinker. If the woman is silent, the thinker is in big trouble.

Live now on TikTok:

In university, you can literally tell who had no freedom at home.

Trending via TikTok:

Butterflies all seem so nice but I’ll bet some of them are real bastards.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Have you tried just not thinking about it? Like, ever again?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that you’re an expert on my life and how I should live it! Please continue while I take notes.

If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”

Listen, before I had my coffee I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today either.

Why did they call it an AI-generated picture and not a ‘fauxtograph’?

Aging is the worst. I miss the good ol’ days when my pain was strictly emotional.

I want a girlfriend so she can make me do shit like pottery, and I act like I don’t want to go.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨