Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Quitting my job to focus more on my desire not to work anymore.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Dear ads, I have the buying power of a Victorian milkmaid.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

A baby cow is called a calf because it’s half a cow. Half cow. Calf. No further questions.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

God created childbirth so women could know how men feel when we have a cold.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Maybe the reason we weren’t that affected by all the violence we saw in cartoons as kids is because it was offset by classical music.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in this whirlpool of emotions over there.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

If Kanye got hacked, no one would even know.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

I get all the cardio I need by running out of patience.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Welcome to adulthood. The weekend is your only time to catch up on everything, but also your only time to do absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Your call is really important to us but first enjoy this clarinet number for the next seventy five minutes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,679

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Superwoman: Single. Batman: Single. Wonder Woman: Single. I get it now, I’m single because I’m a superhero.

Trending via Telegram:

“I’m getting to an age where I realize I shouldn’t have laughed at my grandparents for having an ‘upstairs’ vacuum.”

Just landed via Slack:

Feminism convinced women they could have it all. Now they’re 40, independent, and crying in a very nice but empty apartment.

Just landed via Messenger:

You ever get surprised by your own recurring issues? Like, come on man, I thought we were past this.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Sometimes, I feel like my brain is still running on Windows 95.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I’ve decided to become an organ donor. When I die, I want an elephant to get a new trunk.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Just another day of not being hot and rich.

Just shared via Twitch:

The art of letting whoever think whatever.

Just shared via Messenger:

No matter how early you get up, fate always gets up half an hour earlier.

Going viral on Telegram:

Who called it a shopaholic and not a boughtanist?

I actually check my emails every day in hopes I’m going to get some life-changing news someday.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Waiting for that email like it's the Hogwarts acceptance letter, minus the owl. 📧🦉✨

actually, check, communication, daily, daily routine, day, digital, digital life, email, emails, every, expectation, going, hope, hopes, humor, i, life, life changing, life-changing news, news, procrastination, routine, someday

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Rage bait often works on me because I was already angry before I read that.

0

2 months ago

anger, angry, bait, before, frustration, humor, i, me, mood, rage, rage bait, reaction, read, works
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!” Oh, it’s ok, you can just kill me next time.

0

2 months ago

humor, irony, just, kill, me, next, oh, ok, resilience, strength, time
My neighbor is having some kind of party and didn’t invite me. I guess I have to call the cops again.

0

2 months ago

again, call, cops, dispute, guess, having, humor, i, invitation, invite, kind, me, neighbor, neighborly, neighborly dispute, party, rejection, sarcasm, social, social rejection
A marriage is about solving problems together, you know, those problems you wouldn’t have if you were single.

0

2 months ago

couple, humor, know, life, marriage, problem, problems, relationship, single, solving, together
I’m only grumpy when I’m awake.

0

2 months ago

awake, grumpy, humor, mood, only, sarcasm, sleep
I will sit in the rain about this.

0

3 months ago

humor, i, patience, rain, sit, sitting, stubbornness, weather

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on Slack this month:

I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office. Fifteen minutes later, my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.

95 shares on Telegram this month:

Telemarketer: “Hello, am I speaking to the head of the household?” Me, handing the phone to my cat: “It’s for you.”

47 shares on YouTube this month:

British people be like “It’s Chewsday, innit?”

21 shares on Twitch this month:

If I were a bird, you’d be the first person I’d shit on.

27 shares on Snapchat this month:

Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone?

98 shares on Messenger this month:

If they cancel the Simpsons, we will no longer be able to see into the future.

57 shares on WhatsApp this month:

What beautiful weather outside. I’m gonna close the curtains.

98 shares on Threads this month:

Got sent to HR for calling someone a “jellyfish” — just floating around all day, doing absolutely nothing.

22 shares on Messenger this month:

Sometimes the best thing about my job is that my chair turns.

61 shares on Reddit this month:

Just once I’d like my dog to give me a treat.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

If you can’t handle me at my weirdest, then leave, because it gets weirder.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Why do they have to make things childproof when I’m still functioning at a kindergarten level of dexterity?

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

I want to be cremated so that I will get a smoking-hot body again.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

I watched a woman clean her whole house on YouTube today, in case you thought I lacked ambition.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

My guardian angel is taking the longest smoking break in recorded history.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Just so you know, what you now call an energy bar is what my father gave the canary.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

I hope my email finds you enraged.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

Because it is Friday, I will allow one beautiful woman to invite me for drinks.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

I think it’s time we acknowledged how incredibly stupid most super wealthy people are.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

When your kids embarrass you in public, the only way out is to turn away in disgust and mutter loudly, “Who raised you?”

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

Praying none of y’all are unwrapping podcast equipment.

Just shared via Reddit:

I’m perverted, but in an elegant and whimsical way.

Trending via Telegram:

Starting my period on election day because I’m a true patriot who bleeds for this country.

Making waves on Reddit:

Beer is Narcan for when you overdose on Microsoft Teams.

Just shared via Facebook:

I’m just trying to have a nice time despite knowing facts and information.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

You know what I never see anymore are those old alcoholics with the weird noses.

Breaking via TikTok:

The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.

Making waves on Messenger:

I be like, “Who’s praying on my downfall?” as if I don’t make self-destructive life decisions.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I wish other jobs let us solve issues by releasing diss tracks. Got some sick rhymes about Debbie from accounting and her poorly structured invoicing.

Just shared via Reddit:

Unfortunately, I’m gonna have to cancel my appointment at a sperm bank. I will just call them and say I can’t come.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I actually check my emails every day in hopes I’m going to get some life-changing news someday.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Rage bait often works on me because I was already angry before I read that.

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!” Oh, it’s ok, you can just kill me next time.

My neighbor is having some kind of party and didn’t invite me. I guess I have to call the cops again.

A marriage is about solving problems together, you know, those problems you wouldn’t have if you were single.

I’m only grumpy when I’m awake.

I will sit in the rain about this.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨