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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

“Careful. It’s slippery!” – Everyone, after you’ve already slipped.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Twitter is diarrhea of the mouth at its finest. Everyone is just going around vomiting whatever is in their brains.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Hey (with the intention of going to sleep).

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

I treat people the way I want to be treated by not leaving the house.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Being annoying is the most beautiful thing a woman could be.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and all I find is ingredients.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

“I’ve never met a medical receptionist that I believed wanted me to live.”

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

“I asked ChatGPT.” Okay, well, I asked Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

I give such good nudes that nobody ever needs to ask me for a second one.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,726

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Do you ever stress about money, then accidentally order from Amazon?

Shared recently on WeChat:

My favorite part of The Godfather is when the guy wakes up and screams because the Mafia has stolen the bottom half of the horse he keeps in his bed.

Just landed via WeChat:

I’m going to hell in every religion.

Going viral on Messenger:

Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Make sure you bury me near a bathroom because death is long, and I’m sure I’ll still have to get up and pee.

Seen just now on Slack:

My 3 weeks without sweets were over after 12 hours. Proof that time runs faster with increasing age.

Live now on X:

Hey, I’ve been thinking, and I think you should think for me.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

Just shared via YouTube:

If porn damages your brain, and writing develops your brain, does writing porn even it out?

Making waves on Telegram:

My sister: snowboards. My brother: skateboards. Me: charcuterie boards.

I birthed my kid faster than she can put on shoes.

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I birthed my kid faster than she can put on shoes.
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Commentary:
Sounds like your kid graduated from the School of Slow Shoelace Tying! 🐢👟😄

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on Instagram this month:

This is the fastest December in the history of all December.

17 shares on Discord this month:

You can’t get a good night’s sleep anymore because of woke.

22 shares on TikTok this month:

Always be kind. You never know who might own a hot tub.

28 shares on Slack this month:

Don’t come to my house unannounced. I will stare at you from my window.

39 shares on Messenger this month:

Perhaps we should have further developed natural intelligence before venturing into artificial intelligence.

23 shares on Pinterest this month:

Being an iPad baby must be so exciting. Imagine going from nine dull months in the womb to playing Candy Crush.

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Quitting my job to focus on watching YouTube.

50 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’ve been heading in the wrong direction for most of my life, but since the earth is round, I’m just going to stick with it and see it through.

65 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When I die, I hope I’m remembered for my ability to take any bad situation and make it worse.

34 shares on Threads this month:

Every Reddit relationship post is like “My husband dropped a big piano on my head and when I emerged from the rubble my teeth had been replaced by the keys. Am I in the wrong?”

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Actually, men should take the pill. It makes more sense to unload the gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The title of my autobiography is going to be ‘You’d Think I’d Learn By Now, But Nope.’

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone is posting their vacation pictures and I’m like… I went shopping.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

If Keith Richards survived the ’70s, the ’80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Reading a book and coming across a character’s name that you don’t know how to pronounce, so for the rest of the book, every time you see it, your brain just goes ‘skdjfkskakfk.’

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Wolves are just dogs that nobody has called a “good boy” yet.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Kitchen sex, because it might be your only chance of getting laid on an island this summer.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Follow me on Instagram if you want to see me post absolutely nothing for weeks.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Cheating on a partner should affect your credit score.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Coffee just tastes better when you are the only one awake in the morning.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,433

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Yes, we absolutely can push our meeting to sometime after the new year, or mid-March, or the year after next, or never.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Do you also sometimes turn on the TV just so you have background noise or am I weird?

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

I have two dogs: one dominates, the other is a subwoofer.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Not me out here checking the growth progress of my potted flowers only a couple hours after I planted the seeds in the first place.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Imagine hearing the ice cream truck music, but at night.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Going on dates is hard because do I like them or do I just have sooo much fun being me.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

I wonder if my recorded call has ever been used for training or quality purposes.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

I love putting on warm underwear fresh out of the dryer. Plus, it’s fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

When you look this sexy, they should let you leave work early.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Why did they call it K-pop and not Seoul music?

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

I never used to worry about death but now I’m terrified it will break my winning Wordle streak.

Broadcasted on Threads:

That period between finding out you got a new job and actually starting the new job is one of the best times in life.

Shared recently on Threads:

Turns out “V for Vendetta” is not an educational movie and it won’t teach your kids the alphabet.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Major cheat code in life: ask for the big, unreasonable thing. The universe meets you at your level of audacity.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Never underestimate my desire at any given moment to go home.

Just shared via Telegram:

What’s a girl gotta do to feel a dopamine high around here?

Shared recently on Facebook:

If chickens knew how good they tasted, they would understand.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Thank you two-step authentication codes that expire after 60 seconds for providing Mission Impossible-type drama into my mundane suburban existence.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Actually, this email could’ve been a meeting. We could’ve spent an hour on the clock talking shit and gossiping. Someone could’ve brought bagels.

Making waves on Twitch:

Cover letters are so embarrassing. Why am I writing a love letter to this shitty company?

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