I don’t have any generational wealth but I did inherit a great spaghetti sauce recipe.

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Running feels great until you compare it to not running.

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Psych meds aren’t enough anymore. Hit me with a shovel.

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I’m dying for some sweets and the only thing sweet in the house is me.

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You can’t spell crypto without “cry”.

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A little sign under the doorbell that says, “think twice, adventurer.”

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Sorry I’m late. My catapult malfunctioned.

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Social media is proof that even mental hospitals have WiFi.

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My passport probably thinks I’m in prison.

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Eat whatever you want. If someone calls you fat, eat them too.

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Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.