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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun to not be able to open that drawer.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Went for a walk. Very pleasant evening. The squirrels and rabbits kept running away from me. That stung a little. I will remember their faces.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

The hottest I ever look is when I’m brushing my teeth in my underwear, but it’s very much a ‘tree falls in the woods’ situation.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Dear razor commercials, please stop shaving hairless legs. If you want to impress someone, shave a gorilla.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

If there are parallel realities, I really hope they’re not as stupid as this one.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Sex makes you happy. So I understand your dissatisfaction.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Working with children gives you so much in return. Lice, for example.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

When a man is a good cook, that cancels out like three red flags.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Hi. I didn’t mean to “like” your tweet. I was scraping dried jelly off my phone.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,332

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I got called “pretty” today! Well, the full sentence was “You’re pretty annoying,” but I only focus on the positive things.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Not pretty enough for Instagram, not funny enough for Twitter. Welcome to WhatsApp status.

Just landed via Reddit:

I wear black because it’s slimming. Exercise is also slimming, but like I said, I wear black.

Going viral on X:

If you like pointing out beautiful scenery to three people who are on their phones, a family road trip is for you.

Just landed via Slack:

I can already feel that the day is going to seize me instead of the other way around.

Spotted on Snapchat:

A relationship is like a shark, it looks better on TV.

Shared recently on Messenger:

“Autism didn’t exist until recently!” Have you met old guys who work in hardware stores?

Spotted on Discord:

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Just shared via TikTok:

I think we all know who to blame for the generation of parents who put too many Ys in their kids’ names. Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Breaking via Messenger:

A baby cow is called a calf because it’s half a cow. Half cow. Calf. No further questions.

I don’t rise and shine. I caffeinate and hope.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When life gives you mornings, grab a coffee! ☕️✨ #StillSleepingInside"

caffeine, coffee, coffee humor, daily, daily struggle, hope, humor, i, morning, morning routine, motivation, rise, routine, shine, struggle, wake, wake up

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

A little mystery is the sweetest seduction.

0

6 months ago

intrigue, little, mystery, romance, seduction, sweetest, sweetness
The light at the end of the tunnel is only the headlight of the oncoming train.

0

2 months ago

end, headlight, humor, irony, life, light, motivation, oncoming, perspective, reality, train, tunnel
Blocking him isn’t enough. I need to watch his hairline recede.

0

6 months ago

blocking, breakup, enough, hairline, humor, i, media, need, observation, recede, revenge, social, social media, watch
Shoutout to Netflix for being the only one that checks in on me every few hours. “Are you still watching?” Yeah, babe, thank you for asking.

0

2 months ago

asking, babe, being, binge-watching, every, hours, humor, loneliness, me, Netflix, only, relationship, reminder, self-care, shoutout, still, streaming, thank, watching
The feminine urge to say “ouch” when I bump into things that doesn’t even hurt.

0

3 months ago

behavior, bump, even, female, female behavior, feminine, feminine urge, humor, hurt, i, ouch, pain, reaction, say, things, urge
Washing your face is actually multitasking because you are also washing your hands and forearms and shirt and countertop and feet and floor and hair.

0

3 months ago

actually, cleaning, countertop, countertop cleaning, daily, daily routine, face, face washing, feet, feet washing, floor, floor cleaning, forearm, forearm washing, hair, hair washing, hand, hand washing, hands, humor, hygiene, multitasking, routine, shirt, shirt washing, washing

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on X this month:

If GPT-5 will have ‘Ph.D.-level intelligence’, then GPT-6 will have the intelligence of someone who decided not to get a PhD.

81 shares on X this month:

You can’t hurt me. You’re not how I look first thing in the morning.

62 shares on YouTube this month:

Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.

57 shares on TikTok this month:

Everytime I spend $20 I think this is fine because I won’t do it again. And then would you believe.

17 shares on X this month:

My love language is being sent money.

92 shares on Facebook this month:

In my years of experience, people who disagree with me are usually wrong.

78 shares on TikTok this month:

We’re limited only by our imagination and some federal agencies.

55 shares on YouTube this month:

Men need women, women need men. The end.

69 shares on WeChat this month:

I would like to unsubscribe from all responsibilities, please and thank you.

67 shares on Twitch this month:

I hate being in that mood where nothing’s really wrong but nothing feels right either.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

If I was ever told to “dress to impress”, my first thought would be to get the Batman suit out.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Getting a lawn sign so people know what I think today.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Only thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m stupid.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

If you breakdance you buy dance.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Going to the gym to exercise my demons.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

A general rule of parenting: if you’re having a great day, the day isn’t old enough yet.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

It’s not my fault that when I said you looked “stunning” you assumed I meant in a positive way.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

100% of all babіes are unemployed. Pathetіc.

Spotted on YouTube:

It’s always “you’re so cute when you’re mad,” until the house is on fire.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I made all my money in the 80s selling Rubik’s Hammers. They were for those cubes that thought they were smarter than you.

Trending via Slack:

Cashier: Did you find everything? Me: Did you hide something?

Trending via Slack:

I’m not a good fit for the traditional job market because my greatest strengths are challenging authority, being self-righteous, and wanting to go home.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I use karate strictly as a last resort, after I’ve exhausted fleeing and screaming.

Making waves on X:

After cooking show a dishwashing show with same host but kind of drunk.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Absolutely no reason for a single guy to be in a sunflower field. Get out of there, pervert!

Trending via Discord:

Life is so exciting. I was in my bedroom and now I’m in the living room. Who knows where I’ll go next.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

A wise man once said: “Yes, darling. You’re right.”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I don’t rise and shine. I caffeinate and hope.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

A little mystery is the sweetest seduction.

The light at the end of the tunnel is only the headlight of the oncoming train.

Blocking him isn’t enough. I need to watch his hairline recede.

Shoutout to Netflix for being the only one that checks in on me every few hours. “Are you still watching?” Yeah, babe, thank you for asking.

The feminine urge to say “ouch” when I bump into things that doesn’t even hurt.

Washing your face is actually multitasking because you are also washing your hands and forearms and shirt and countertop and feet and floor and hair.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨