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Oh, the struggles of parenting! 🤪📅 It's like trying to solve a riddle every time they ask, right? Time becomes a mere concept when you have little ones around. Just tell them it's "Today" and leave it at that! 😂 #ParentingProblems

daily, daily life, date, day, frustration, hate, humor, i, impossibility, impossible, kids, life, me, parenting, questions

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Female friendship is all about taking turns being insane. First, one of you is crazy, and the other has to counterbalance by being normal. Then, thirty minutes later, you get to trade.

1 month ago
balance, being, conversation, crazy, dynamic, female, female friendship, friendship, friendship dynamic, humor, insane, insanity, later, minutes, normal, personality, relationship, taking, thirty, trade, turn-taking
Some 100 private jets will fly to Venice for Jeff Bezos’ wedding, and I recycle yoghurt cup lids.

1 month ago
bezos, contrast, cup, fly, humor, i, jeff, Jeff Bezos, jet, jets, lid, lids, luxury, private, private jet, recycling, Venice, wedding, yoghurt, yoghurt lid
I talk to my dog like she’s human and, like most humans, she looks at me like I’m an idiot.

1 month ago
communication, dog, human, humans, humor, i, idiot, looks, me, pet, relationship, talk
Cleaning your kid’s room will piss you off, cause why is my Airfryer in here?

1 month ago
airfryer, cause, chore, cleaning, frustration, here, household, household chore, item, kid’s room, kids, parenthood, room, unexpected, unexpected item, why
Hear me out. What if we don’t elect another president, and we all just promise to be really good?

1 month ago
another, election, good, hear, humor, idea, just, me, president, promise
My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’Il start tomorrow.

1 month ago
humor, irony, new, new year, procrastinate, resolution, self-improvement, start, tomorrow, year

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Vegetables are actually pretty good when they’re fried.

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Why are moths always out at night when they like light so much? Wait til y’all find out about the sun.

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Just because I’m smiling doesn’t mean I like you, I might be picturing you on fire.

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According to “The Hobbit”, Gollum was once a handsome young man who was robbed of his youth, zest for life and energy by putting on a ring. Men, think about it!

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This meeting could have been a cake.

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Men tell you “I know a place” and bring you to the brink of madness.

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Find someone who looks at you the way I look at a cheeseburger.

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I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

Female friendship is all about taking turns being insane. First, one of you is crazy, and the other has to counterbalance by being normal. Then, thirty minutes later, you get to trade.

Some 100 private jets will fly to Venice for Jeff Bezos’ wedding, and I recycle yoghurt cup lids.

I talk to my dog like she’s human and, like most humans, she looks at me like I’m an idiot.

Cleaning your kid’s room will piss you off, cause why is my Airfryer in here?

Hear me out. What if we don’t elect another president, and we all just promise to be really good?

My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’Il start tomorrow.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Sometimes I get really mad at myself, but not like mad enough to fight myself or anything like that.

Accordion to current studies, 90% of you did not realize that this sentence started with a musical instrument.

Man, you really don’t appreciate not having something in your eye until you have something in your eye.

I’m not enjoying this slow-burn apocalypse. I need it over and done like a popular Netflix show.

Sorry I’m unavailable… the horrors of reality insist upon themselves.

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“OMG I love your personality,” thanks, it’s a disorder.

Welcome to your 50s, there’s a wrong way to stretch now.

Trying to watch a superhero movie without stressing about the infrastructure damage to the city.

A girl like me should be in the sky, sitting on a star.

I have officially reached the age where I am bothered by lights being on, doors left open, loud noises, and people.

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I’ve decided to give people an attitude instead of gifts this year.

Ok. I blinked 182 times. What happens now?

I’ve asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far no one has given me a straight answer.

I’m sorry to break it to you, but you need a soul to have a soulmate.

At my age, “getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what you came in there for.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I’m not enjoying this slow-burn apocalypse. I need it over and done like a popular Netflix show.

At the doctor’s office, booing all the names being called that aren’t mine.

Whoever has designed parking garages is either an architectural genius or an evil sadist.

“I’d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.

My sweatpants sat me down and said they want me to get an office job again.

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I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Female friendship is all about taking turns being insane. First, one of you is crazy, and the other has to counterbalance by being normal. Then, thirty minutes later, you get to trade.

Some 100 private jets will fly to Venice for Jeff Bezos’ wedding, and I recycle yoghurt cup lids.

I talk to my dog like she’s human and, like most humans, she looks at me like I’m an idiot.

Cleaning your kid’s room will piss you off, cause why is my Airfryer in here?

Hear me out. What if we don’t elect another president, and we all just promise to be really good?

My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’Il start tomorrow.

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