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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Who called it a period tracker instead of a madvent calendar?

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here hating myself.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

My ego is bruised so I’m going to ice it with some cold beer.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

I wonder how many new moms try to pick out a unique name for their baby only to later learn it’s the name of an antidepressant.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

The ‘E’ in my name stands for ‘Everything you need.’

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

You’re an adult if you’re happy every time the mailbox is empty.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

I don’t need Halloween. I have strange characters around me all year round.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Coffee doesn’t solve all my problems. But it definitely stops me from constantly creating new ones.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Having a job ruined my life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

766 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,928

Funny Quotes Topics

13,900

Funny Quotes Images

10,928

45 minutes ago

3,441

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

Being a sleepy girl with a busy life is so hard.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

My favorite 90s skill: Uninstalling my car stereo and hiding it in my glove box in under 15 seconds.

Trending via Instagram:

If you inject Botox into a raisin, does it turn back into a grape?

Making waves on Snapchat:

I only sleep so my phone can get the night off.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Does anyone else stare at the dead body in movies to see if you can catch them breathing?

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

That awkward moment, when all eyes are on the bride, but your son is the groom.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Do you ever think about how many people squeezed the avocado that you’re eating?

Going viral on WhatsApp:

After having received my free sample of winter, I would like to cancel my subscription please.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I put my pants on just like everybody else: when the police tell me to.

I modeled my morning routine on the humble rooster. Wake up, scream, wander around.

3 months ago

I modeled my morning routine on the humble rooster. Wake up, scream, wander around.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🐓 Rise and shine like a rooster they said, but they forgot to mention the screaming part! 😂 Who needs coffee when you can start your day with a good old-fashioned wake-up call from your inner rooster? Just remember to save the wandering around for after you've had your morning brew! ☕ #MorningRoutineGoals

around, humble, humor, i, morning, morning routine, rooster, routine, scream, wake, wake up, wander

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

766 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,928

Funny Quotes Topics

13,900

Funny Quotes Images

10,928

45 minutes ago

3,439

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

You call it nagging, I call it ‘listen to what I said the first time!’

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

I’ve got midlife crises older than you.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

My dream is to buy a horse and race it. The horse will probably beat me but it’ll still be fun.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

I’m already spoiled… please don’t come into my life trying to unspoil me.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

Always remember, if you ever need me, I’m just several phone calls and unread texts away.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

My favorite pastime is looking for meaning where there is none.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Don’t tell me about your wild weekend. My TV remote died and I switched the batteries around, and now it’s working.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Interesting people are my favorite endangered species.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

Sorry, Mom, I can’t go outside, I’m ugly.

Going viral on Messenger:

I’m sorry I said “I look forward to working with you” during our wedding vows.

Live now on Facebook:

I’ve tasted being employed, and I’ve tasted being unemployed. I recommend not being born.

Trending via Slack:

My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

Trending via Reddit:

I’m not exaggerating when I say, if I ever clogged a toilet at work, I would immediately quit, change my name, and then move to a different city.

Trending via Slack:

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

Just landed via Snapchat:

They say the best things take time. That’s why I’m always late.

Making waves on Telegram:

My doctor told me “good luck” and gave me finger guns, so obviously I’m dying.

Making waves on Reddit:

“I have a date with destiny.” Yeah well, I’m in a long-term relationship with the consequences of my actions.

Just landed via Twitch:

Still don’t understand how girls with no jobs be holding iPhones.

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