Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Your honor, my client wasn’t trying to stab the victim. He was checking to see if he was cake.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

You know you’re getting old when you clean the house to the music you used to go out to.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

So, if you are too tired to speak, sit next to me, because I am fluent in silence.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

A spoonful of peanut butter from the jar will fix me.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

When I like a woman, I start to gather gifts for her like a squirrel hoarding nuts.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. It will never bring you true happiness or fulfillment. Also, it’s a felony.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Just read the Ten Commandments for the first time and you can’t do shit with your neighbor.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

You sound unhinged. Let’s go get mugshots.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

Please help my husband and I decide on dinner. We’ve narrowed it down to “It doesn’t matter” and “It’s your turn to choose”.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

If small talk burned calories, maybe I’d consider it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

3,632

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

My therapist says I’m preoccupied with revenge. She’s going to regret that.

Making waves on Messenger:

My goal is to do one thing each day that could prevent me from being elected to political office.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Just the owls and I out here enjoying the breeze amongst the trees.

Trending via WeChat:

If we’re living in a dystopian nightmare, where the hell is my housekeeping robot?

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Every triangle is a love triangle when you love triangles.

Going viral on Instagram:

(Most depressed guy you’ve ever met) I’m doing pretty good.

Making waves on TikTok:

When you think about it, Jesus really accomplished a lot in the four months between Christmas and Easter.

Seen just now on Twitch:

One of my biggest talents is taking hundreds of screenshots that I swear I’ll need, but I never look at them again.

Shared recently on Slack:

Manifesting you in my bed.

Just landed via Messenger:

Remember when a series of unfortunate events was a book and not your life?

I used to have this mental illness, where I thought putting your heart and soul into a relationship would make it work.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like you were suffering from an acute case of rom-com syndrome 😂❤️💔

effort, heart, humor, i, illness, love, mental, mental illness, putting, relationship, sarcasm, soul, thought, used, where, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I used to mix Mountain Dew with the cheapest vodka I could find, and I called it the Blood of Mannaroth because it’s green and turns you into an orc.

0

1 month ago

alcoholic, alcoholic beverage, beverage, blood, Blood of Mannaroth, dew, drink, fantasy, green, green drink, humor, i, mannaroth, mix, mixing, mixing drink, mountain, Mountain Dew, nickname, orc, used, vodka
It’s like my therapist always says, that’ll be $175.

0

1 month ago

always, cost, humor, money, therapist, therapy
If you don’t laugh at my jokes then I will.

0

2 months ago

comedy, fun, humor, i, joke, jokes, laugh, self-deprecation
If you love someone, let them sleep.

0

2 months ago

advice, affection, care, humor, let, love, relationship, sleep, someone
Went for a walk. Very pleasant evening. The squirrels and rabbits kept running away from me. That stung a little. I will remember their faces.

0

2 months ago

away, evening, funny moment, humor, i, little, me, memory, moment, nature, rabbit, remember, running, squirrel, squirrels, walk, wildlife
Sleeping in now means waking up without the alarm clock, but still at the same time.

0

2 months ago

alarm, alarm clock, clock, humor, irony, management, means, morning, morning routine, routine, same, sleep, sleeping, still, time, time management, waking, waking up

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on Snapchat this month:

‘I have a ripe avocado at home’ is my favorite excuse for cancelling plans.

70 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Love that every time I finish a snack I have to wave my hands around to prove to my dog it’s all gone, like I’m cashing him out at a casino or something.

94 shares on YouTube this month:

I can’t watch Sex and the City anymore, because I get really upset at how much money these ladies have.

67 shares on Threads this month:

I know breakfastless behavior when I see it.

71 shares on X this month:

Children will see a neatly hanging dish towel and be like oh hell no.

64 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Ponytails are only hot on women, bro.

12 shares on X this month:

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks. It cost me an arm and a leg!

66 shares on Reddit this month:

Anyone who thinks things have got so bad that they can only get better is showing a remarkable lack of imagination.

78 shares on Slack this month:

My favorite childhood memory is having energy.

36 shares on Threads this month:

Police cars should play ice cream truck music when they’re pulling you over for something minor.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Coming back to your own bed after a few days away is peak coziness.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

No one is excited to see me in shorts except mosquitoes.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Nosferatu 2024, Frankenstein 2025, and Werwulf 2026. I was born at exactly the right time.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

Training a cat is very easy. After a few days, you do what she wants.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

Unloading the dishwasher in the opposite direction just to feel something.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your card out of your wallet.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Eating spaghetti to forgetti my regretti.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

We use our phones to watch videos that remind us of what life was like before we had phones.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Do you enjoy addiction, anxiety, and urinating? Then coffee may be the beverage for you.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

Breakfast is the most important beer of the day.

Just landed via Messenger:

It’s not fair when attractive people are also good at things.

Trending via WeChat:

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

Trending via Snapchat:

If I’m ever found dead in the woods, it’s probably because I was trying to pet a bear.

Wordgag 🎅

Activity Log ✨

I used to have this mental illness, where I thought putting your heart and soul into a relationship would make it work.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I used to mix Mountain Dew with the cheapest vodka I could find, and I called it the Blood of Mannaroth because it’s green and turns you into an orc.

It’s like my therapist always says, that’ll be $175.

If you don’t laugh at my jokes then I will.

If you love someone, let them sleep.

Went for a walk. Very pleasant evening. The squirrels and rabbits kept running away from me. That stung a little. I will remember their faces.

Sleeping in now means waking up without the alarm clock, but still at the same time.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨