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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

This football season, we need to bring back getting drunk and calling in to your team’s local radio show after the game. Such a lost art.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Off to my crying appointment (therapy).

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Unfortunately, it only strengthens my spirit when the summer people mourn their terrible season.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Sorry for widening my eyes and whispering “The prophecy” when we first met.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Nothing ruins my day quite like getting out of bed and dealing with people.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

If you can’t handle me at my weirdest, then leave, because it gets weirder.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Day number 3 without coffee: Lost hearing in my left eye.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

“Do you have any hobbies?” Lately, I’ve been really into panicking.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

I’m so loyal to my music, I’ll hunt down a song I used to love five years back.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,662

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

I don’t understand people who don’t have kids. Imagine having absolutely nobody to blame when you’re late.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

People who can’t tell the difference between whole numbers and decimals are missing the point.

Going viral on Twitch:

Have to write a note to my kid’s first grade teacher, and now I’m stressed out about my handwriting.

Trending via WhatsApp:

You don’t know a person until you’ve seen them eat popcorn.

Trending via TikTok:

Everyone thinks they will be the first person in history to maintain their dignity while posting online.

Going bananas on TikTok:

An eye exam where the optometrist makes you read a menu under dim lights.

Making waves on Discord:

Turning in bad essays to professors you have a personal relationship with is the most humiliating thing ever.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Why is Saturday over in 7 minutes and Sunday in 4 minutes, but Monday is 84 months long?

Just landed via Instagram:

That awkward moment your mom is doing the dishes and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Girl math is ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.

I won’t be doing Dry January, because who was there for me during the happy times and the hard times? Not broccoli.

6 days ago

Funny Quotes

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Commentary:
Can't imagine broccoli being there to listen to my life story at 2 AM 🍷😂🥦

broccoli, diet, doing, drinking, dry, Dry January, food, happy, happy time, hard, humor, i, January, me, support, time, times, tough, tough time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Don’t let anyone treat you like a red flag, you’re the whole damn red carpet, baby.

3 months ago

advice, baby, carpet, confidence, empowerment, flag, humor, let, red, red carpet, red flag, relationship, relationship advice, self-worth, treat, whole
Don’t worry, darling, you won’t break me. Someone already beat you to it.

11 hours ago

beat, break, breakup, coping, heartbreak, humor, love, me, relationship, resilience, sarcasm, someone, witty, worry
How is it still this week?

3 months ago

confusion, days, funny observation, humor, observation, still, time, week
That’s kind of sexy of you to be a little weird.

2 months ago

compliment, flirtation, humor, kind, little, playful, quirky, sexy, weird
Tolerate the lactose already, you heathen.

2 months ago

dairy, food, heathen, humor, intolerance, lactose, tolerate
Take a broken girl, fix her. And she will go back to the same guy again.

2 months ago

back, broken, broken girl, fix, girl, guy, heartbreak, humor, irony, love, relationship, same, same guy, take

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Snapchat this month:

Apparently, when you treat someone the same way they treat you, they get offended!

68 shares on Facebook this month:

The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

36 shares on WeChat this month:

Santa doesn’t check the naughty list anymore, he just checks social media.

53 shares on WeChat this month:

If the man is silent, he is a thinker. If the woman is silent, the thinker is in big trouble.

60 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you feel fat and sad just know it’s someone out there fatter than you.

94 shares on Telegram this month:

Damn, girl, are you Black Friday? Because I’m wondering what your bloody deal is.

22 shares on Telegram this month:

I like you because we hate the same people.

12 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Do we lazy people actually go to heaven? Or are we being picked up?

26 shares on X this month:

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

39 shares on Threads this month:

Sunday without HBO feels like a meal without carbs — empty and deeply wrong.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Normalize booing in the workplace.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Girl talk is my favorite. You go from discussing goals to talking about shoes, to hating men, to planning a trip in six minutes.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

The cheapest way to fly is off the handle.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

I wish other jobs let us solve issues by releasing diss tracks. Got some sick rhymes about Debbie from accounting and her poorly structured invoicing.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Welcome to your 40s: here’s an extra chin.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Got possessed by a demon once, and everyone was like, “OMG, did you do something with your hair?”

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Sometimes I just say “no idea” because I’m too lazy to think.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

It’s a beautiful morning. Lots of people out walking their phones.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

I made a clone of myself to do the dishes, another to do the laundry, and another to do the cooking, but we’re all sitting on the couch watching TV.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

Telling my coworkers I can’t talk in meetings today because I need to save my voice for concerts this weekend.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Checked myself, but unfortunately, after I wrecked myself.

Freshly posted on Slack:

In a turn of unexpected events, I need to learn karate by tomorrow morning.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Ever since I learned the show is called Suits because of lawsuits and not because they wear suits, I have harbored a hot white rage within me beyond anything mankind has ever known.

Just landed via Threads:

I woke up deciding to incorporate the parkour lifestyle into my daily life then reconsidered as I fell over again putting my jeans on.

Trending via Discord:

My toxic trait is binging a show too fast, then getting sad when I have nothing to watch.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Keep posting, I’m diagnosing you.

Trending via Instagram:

My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

If I go missing and you put my weight on that poster, I swear I’m not coming back.

Breaking via YouTube:

Money can’t buy happiness, until you’re on vacation and then you realize it definitely can.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I won’t be doing Dry January, because who was there for me during the happy times and the hard times? Not broccoli.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Don’t let anyone treat you like a red flag, you’re the whole damn red carpet, baby.

Don’t worry, darling, you won’t break me. Someone already beat you to it.

How is it still this week?

That’s kind of sexy of you to be a little weird.

Tolerate the lactose already, you heathen.

Take a broken girl, fix her. And she will go back to the same guy again.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨