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Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Let’s just call ourselves divorced now and skip the stressful, expensive bit in the middle.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

I wish other jobs let us solve issues by releasing diss tracks. Got some sick rhymes about Debbie from accounting and her poorly structured invoicing.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

People who work in customer service should be allowed to fight one customer a day. Two on Fridays.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

Why are they called “grammar Nazis” and not “the Gestypo”?

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Instead of likes, we should get a little kiss.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

I see WWIII is about to kick off again. I’d best cancel the milk and get the cat in.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain, and most do.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

I think you’re like the cat’s meow, annoying yet sweet.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

If you’re a guy and you’re struggling right now, just remember nobody cares, and it does get worse.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Women don’t like me, so I’m going to spend all my money on a jacket.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I’m really looking forward to eight hours of thinking about sleep tonight.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I love people who are fluent in Spongebob references.

Trending via Threads:

The marriage rate has been trending downward. Choreographed wedding dances may be the reason.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Laugh all you want. My Encyclopedia Britannica set will never require WiFi.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I think it’s time when we buy new clothes that we have the option to buy the body they’re being modelled in too.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Getting a second opinion about my Tamagotchi’s health.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Caveman bartender: “This one’s on the cave.”

Just landed via Discord:

Doing all of this just to die in the end! LMAO!

Shared recently on Snapchat:

“What’s your music taste?” Don’t know, man. If it sounds good, I’m adding it to the playlist.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Haircuts should be covered by insurance.

I won’t be doing Dry January, because who was there for me during the happy times and the hard times? Not broccoli.

5 days ago

Funny Quotes

Funny quote about skipping Dry January, humorously blaming broccoli for support during tough times.

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Commentary:
Can't imagine broccoli being there to listen to my life story at 2 AM 🍷😂🥦

broccoli, diet, doing, drinking, dry, Dry January, food, happy, happy time, hard, humor, i, January, me, support, time, times, tough, tough time

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63 shares on Reddit this month:

Me and my best friend saying, “Hey, who are we to judge,” after spending 6 hours gossiping.

14 shares on Discord this month:

Money will not leave you on read for 9 hours.

50 shares on YouTube this month:

I have a photographic memory, but I’ve run out of film.

11 shares on Twitch this month:

Viewing someone’s LinkedIn after they’ve viewed yours to assert dominance.

19 shares on TikTok this month:

Petition to make check-in at hotels 11am and check-out 3pm, not the other way around. Like, WTF?

92 shares on Pinterest this month:

The baddest women come into your life when you have 37 dollars left.

34 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t have time for anything that doesn’t set my soul on fire.

30 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Just washed my windows and not a single bloke came out and said ‘You can do mine next!’ This used to be a real country.

37 shares on Pinterest this month:

Nothing hurts more than someone not getting your joke.

84 shares on Messenger this month:

The first 7 days of the week aren’t for me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Hosting Thanksgiving? Bring up politics so everyone will leave early.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

The gap in my resume? Yeah, it’s called playing outside.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Rare earth, this rare earth, that. There’s nothing more rare on this earth than affordable housing in a walkable neighborhood.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Nostalgia isn’t as good as it used to be.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

Before you laugh at kids who believe in Santa, remember there are grown men who believe that Cristiano Ronaldo is a better footballer than Lionel Messi.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Getting out of a sports bra looks like it should be a professional women’s sport.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

With my staggering 91% survival rate, you’d be a fool to hire another dog sitter.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m best man at my buddy’s second wedding. Is it appropriate to open my dinner speech with “Welcome back everyone”?

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

No rizz, just pretty eyes and many unsettling things to say.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

My cat is so finicky. I finally gave up and taught him how to order Uber Eats for himself.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

Sometimes I miss the time when there was only one idiot per village.

Going bananas on Reddit:

I will marry a tall, masculine, lovey-dovey man who can’t breathe when I ignore his existence.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

What is rizz if not swag persevering?!

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

If you find my upper lip mole sexy, wait till you see the dark spot on my MRI.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Forget about “long story short”… I’m gonna start saying “short story long,” and take you on a journey you didn’t ask for.

Going viral on YouTube:

Bro, you will never rewatch that 7-minute video you took of fireworks. Just live in the moment.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Many years ago, I stood up to 100-200 million others only to sit in meetings now.

Going viral on Slack:

Not to brag but I am evidence of things unseen.

Live now on LinkedIn:

All pants are tear away pants if you’re strong enough.

Spotted on X:

I don’t know who needs to hear this but you’re not dying, it’s just Monday.

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Activity Log ✨

I won’t be doing Dry January, because who was there for me during the happy times and the hard times? Not broccoli.

I can’t believe I slept good all night. What a rush.

Preparing for the apocalypse by becoming fluent in zombie.

I wonder if that football guy will be at the Taylor Swift game again today.

It must be hard for a vampire to floss their fangs when they can’t see their reflection in a mirror.

I love it when God gives me money.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I won’t be doing Dry January, because who was there for me during the happy times and the hard times? Not broccoli.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I can’t believe I slept good all night. What a rush.

Preparing for the apocalypse by becoming fluent in zombie.

I wonder if that football guy will be at the Taylor Swift game again today.

School reunion is a scam… nobody is missing anyone, they just want to know whether you have made it in life or not.

It must be hard for a vampire to floss their fangs when they can’t see their reflection in a mirror.

I love it when God gives me money.

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