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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Grok, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Went on a date with a guy who didn’t ask me any questions about myself, so it’s on him when he finds out about my husband.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

You can’t have everything… where would you put it?”

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

I can’t believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician. I was just sitting there doing nothing.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

My main career goal at the moment is to find a big bag of money in the woods.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

There are risks you take when camping: severe weather, wild animals, someone bringing an acoustic guitar.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Going to the gym to exercise my demons.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

UK rappers be like “I’ve got a posh flat and my bird is very comely, I own more motors than the marchioness of cholmondeley”

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Reverse cowgirl so I can bend backward and look at him like the Exorcist.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

When you turn 50, they change the lightbulb in your fridge to that memory eraser from Men in Black.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,640

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on YouTube:

An orgy where everyone looks identical is called a doppelgängerbänger.

Spotted on YouTube:

The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys and phone.”

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Getting to the age where I’m like, “Oh, hopefully I’ll be dead by then.”

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m never sending you nudes again.

Just landed via TikTok:

To be blocked is to be seen and to be seen is to be loved.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Why does Bruce Wayne, the billionaire, not simply rig Gotham City’s elections in favor of tough-on-crime candidates?

Making waves on YouTube:

My boyfriend is mad at me because I keep replying with a fire extinguisher emoji to every girl that comments with a flame emoji on his pictures.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Let’s all be grateful for a moment that stupidity is not contagious.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

If at first you don’t succeed, that’s so embarrassing. Why are you so bad at this?

Going viral on Telegram:

If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

I would really like to meet this “other candidate” who keeps taking all the jobs I’ve been applying to.

5 months ago

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Commentary:
Maybe they're just really good at interviews… or maybe they've got a secret handshake I don't know about! 🤔🤷‍♂️👋

application, applying, candidate, competition, frustration, humor, i, interview, job, jobs, keeps, meet, taking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Everyone has their talents. Mine is picking the checkout line filled with people who apparently have never gone through a checkout line before in their life.

0

2 months ago

before, checkout, checkout line, everyone, experience, filled, frustration, humor, life, line, mine, never, people, picking, shopping, talent
Sometimes I don’t worry about things at all and other times I am awake.

0

2 months ago

am, awake, humor, i, irony, sleep, sometimes, things, times, worry
As a retiree, I have two pairs of pajamas. Bedtime and daytime. Sometimes I get them confused.

0

2 months ago

bedtime, confused, confusion, daytime, humor, i, leisure, lifestyle, pajamas, retiree, sometimes
Welcome to middle age. Everything you encounter is either blurry or too loud now.

0

5 months ago

age, aging, blurry, encounter, everything, eyesight, hearing, humor, loud, middle, middle age, too, welcome
Being friends with introverts is hard sometimes. Did they die? Are they just recharging? Are they Batman now? The suspense is killing me.

0

2 months ago

Batman, being, die, friends, hard, humor, interaction, introvert, just, me, recharging, social, social interaction, suspense
When a lady compliments your facial hair, have the goddamn decency to compliment hers.

0

2 months ago

compliment, compliments, decency, etiquette, facial, facial hair, hair, humor, lady

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on Pinterest this month:

Love is not pushing them down the stairs when you have the opportunity.

29 shares on TikTok this month:

Life is just a vicious cycle of needing to go to the grocery store.

100 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t understand why it isn’t socially acceptable to choose to be nocturnal. The angry hot sky ball is gone, my internet is fast, everyone finally shut up, what’s not to like.

51 shares on X this month:

Big accounts just say water is wet and get 1 trillion likes.

42 shares on Messenger this month:

Every girl is defined by their one lost love. And by that I mean the one fast food item that was discontinued without warning, subsequently ruining their life.

15 shares on Instagram this month:

Those astronauts that just landed? They should be greeted by chimpanzees on horses.

48 shares on Instagram this month:

If you aren’t sleeping with me, then you’re sleeping against me.

52 shares on Reddit this month:

People need to understand the difference between want and need. Like, I want abs, but I need chocolate.

41 shares on YouTube this month:

Just realised if I have a kid, they’re likely to see the year 2100… WTF?

51 shares on Discord this month:

Sorry, I ghosted you. I just felt like you were gonna ghost me, so I did it first.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Me before grocery shopping: only healthy foods, no impulse buys, I can do this. Me during grocery shopping: they make chocolate filled marshmallows?

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

If my fingers don’t motion like scissors snipping when I ask for a haircut at the salon, how will they know what I mean?

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

At my age, getting up early just means that I had to go pee, and I couldn’t hold it anymore.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

There’s nothing better than knowing that you don’t have to set an alarm clock for the next day.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

I’m never more unattractive than when a bee flies in my face.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

They should invent a “stay signed in” checkbox that isn’t meaningless.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Life hack: if you run out of treadmill space for your clothes, get a piano.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

My recliner and I go way back.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

I’ve calculated my December budget and realized I can only afford to pray.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun to not be able to open that drawer.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

I am a fool everyday, I don’t need a holiday for it.

Spotted on Threads:

I’ve calculated my December budget and realized I can only afford to pray.

Trending via Twitch:

My employer is totally caring. They pay so poorly that I can’t afford to have an alcohol or drug problem.

Breaking via X:

Picking up a hitchhiker is not worth the risk of being forced to make small talk with a stranger.

Just shared via Snapchat:

If I ever experience an earthquake, my first thought will probably be it’s Godzilla.

Spotted on Slack:

On my way to Mordor. You nerds need anything?

Just landed via WeChat:

Sorry I’m late. The door said PULL, but I don’t believe everything I read.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Home Depot should allow men over 40 to have birthday parties in their stores.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Marriage! Because your shitty day doesn’t have to end at work.

Making waves on Reddit:

I really feel like we need to have more fun in life, because literally nothing matters.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I would really like to meet this “other candidate” who keeps taking all the jobs I’ve been applying to.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Everyone has their talents. Mine is picking the checkout line filled with people who apparently have never gone through a checkout line before in their life.

Sometimes I don’t worry about things at all and other times I am awake.

As a retiree, I have two pairs of pajamas. Bedtime and daytime. Sometimes I get them confused.

Welcome to middle age. Everything you encounter is either blurry or too loud now.

Being friends with introverts is hard sometimes. Did they die? Are they just recharging? Are they Batman now? The suspense is killing me.

When a lady compliments your facial hair, have the goddamn decency to compliment hers.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨