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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Made my last mortgage payment. Yay! I still owe a lot, I’m just not paying anymore.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Due to the humidity, my hair has chosen violence.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Last night my guardian angel came to me, covered me up, gave me a kiss on the forehead and whispered in my ear: “You’re a pain in the ass!”

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Being gracefully insane is the secret to staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Relationship status: We have changed from “I love you” to “I love YouTube”.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Tariff this, tariff that. When is somebody gonna tariff my clothes and kiss me?

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Don’t argue with her. Just say “you remind me of my ex” then walk away.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Of all her outfits, my shirt and no underwear will always be my favorite.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

My bathroom mirror after a long party weekend: “Girl, those vitamins can’t help you now.”

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

My only plan for this weekend is to move just enough so the people don’t think I’m dead.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

298 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,567

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,567

Jan 11, 2026

3,530

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

Treat me like a joke and I’ll leave you like it’s funny.

Freshly posted on X:

I love how we didn’t raise the minimum wage because it would make food more expensive, but then just made the food more expensive anyway.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

It doesn’t matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

The best proof that fairy tales are fictional is the fact that the prince is always an intelligent and handsome single man.

Going viral on Slack:

I wish rolling your eyes burned calories.

Just shared via X:

I’ve been blocked by better.

Making waves on TikTok:

Don’t forget to make everything about you today.

Spotted on Instagram:

Thrifting must be so awesome for big guys and extremely small women.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Like many men my age, my biggest regret is hiring the inexpensive hitman.

Just shared via Reddit:

Imagine a refund on all the money you spent on alcohol.

I’m not saying I’m messy, but if Copperfield knew what I can make disappear, he’d be jealous.

2 months ago

I’m not saying I’m messy, but if Copperfield knew what I can make disappear, he’d be jealous.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Watch out, Copperfield! ✨ This person's ability to make things vanish would put any magician to shame. 🎩🐇 Who needs a magic wand when you have impeccable disappearing skills? 🔮💫 Abracadabra, clutter be gone! 🧙‍♂️🚫 #MessyButMagical"

cleanliness, Copperfield, disappear, humor, i, jealous, magic, mess, messy, saying

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t need alcohol to make bad decisions.

3 months ago

alcohol, bad, bad decision, choices, decision, humor, i, life, life choices, need, self-awareness
This meeting could have been a cave painting.

5 months ago

cave, cave painting, communication, humor, meeting, painting, productivity, sarcasm, workplace
I don’t think I’ve ever made the right amount of pasta.

2 months ago

amount, cooking, ever, food, humor, i, kitchen, mistakes, pasta, right, think
Grammar is important. It’s the difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you’re nuts.

2 months ago

difference, feeling, grammar, humor, important, language, nuts, punctuation, wordplay
If the interviewer doesn’t think it’s cool when you pull a quarter out of his ear, the job wasn’t good enough for you anyways.

2 months ago

confidence, cool, ear, good, humor, interviewer, job, magic, magic trick, quarter, think, trick, workplace
Why does the weekend always feel like it lasts five minutes?

2 months ago

always, feel, feeling, five, humor, lasts, minutes, relatability, time, weekend, why

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

87 shares on Slack this month:

Saturdays are for doing absolutely everything or doing absolutely nothing, everybody knows that.

54 shares on Slack this month:

My IQ used to be higher than my weight, but now I’m fat and dumb.

15 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Googling what ASAP means, and having a panic attack.

95 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t understand people who don’t have kids. Imagine having absolutely nobody to blame when you’re late.

68 shares on Instagram this month:

Me: This is my favorite. I would like to buy this exact same item of clothing again. The fashion industry: No.

52 shares on Pinterest this month:

Once again I feel like I slept in a washing machine.

81 shares on Threads this month:

Despite popular opinion, dating apps are NOT for dating. They are for finding people to watch your Instagram story for years and years.

97 shares on Pinterest this month:

Of course, my summer body is ready; it’s the same as my winter body but sweatier.

31 shares on YouTube this month:

Reverse cowgirl because first dates are awkward.

22 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Me pulling into a full parking lot: Don’t these people have homes?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Children are so giving. For example, my kids gave me a cold.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Please help my husband and I decide on dinner. We’ve narrowed it down to “It doesn’t matter” and “It’s your turn to choose”.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m no expert, but I don’t think the United Kingdom is very united.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

No matter how busy my Sunday gets, I always manage to set aside time to panic about Monday.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My stomach just made the exact sound of the “your” in “your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system.”

23 folks are currently checking 👀

First date idea: you rescue me out of the tree I got stuck in while looking through your windows.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I had a sex dream last night that felt so real, I’m just gonna go ahead and add it to my body count.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I love sleeping in fishnets. Makes you feel like a big honey roast ham.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Learning to be Alpha from YouTube.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

They say it is hard to look at lips that you are not allowed to kiss. You do not know how hard it is to look at a face that you are not allowed to hit.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

298 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,567

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,567

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,318

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

You got beef with me, but none in your fridge. That’s why you’re mad. You’re hungry.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

A funny thing about the Heimlich Maneuver is that it’s impossible to pronounce if you’re choking.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

I thought I needed a drink. Turns out what I really needed was a divorce.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

I don’t hate you. I just don’t like that you exist.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

I’ve started dating myself exclusively but it’s not working out.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one-night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Sorry, I’m late. I was trying to convince a bathroom hand dryer that I exist.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

There’s no post-breakup healing process for girls. You just wake up one day and be like, “Ew,” and you’re free.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Sorry I can’t come today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandpa’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and it was tragic.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Who really needs jetpacks, I want to be able to start over from my last save point.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

Welcome to your 50s, your knees will now decide when you will sit down.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Women will brag about their intuition, and then date a DJ.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

Making waves on Reddit:

Please no more relationships that are supposed to be a lesson. I’m already quite the scholar.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Whoever came up with the name wallpaper really nailed it.

Going viral on Discord:

Whenever I’m not eating a breakfast sandwich I wish I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Is my life this bad because I didn’t forward that email to 15 people back in 2007?

Trending via Twitch:

I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

People who are on Twitter and put intelligent in their bio, good one.

Going viral on Pinterest:

My husband accidentally locked himself out of the house, and I didn’t hear him knocking until I finished eating the rest of his cheesecake. So weird.

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